Misunderstandings

Right Beside You

Yan Yan

The smell of anapestic lingered in the hospital room. Yan Yan had by now gotten used to disinfecting and coming into Su Xiaomi's room. It had been a few weeks and for the most part Yan Yan remained by Su Xiaomi's side as much as he could. Unfortunately, he still had a company to run which could not run on it's own. Most of the time, he tried to work from his computer as much as he could but meetings were completely different and there were certain things that he just couldn't do there.

Xiaomi had told him countless times he would be alright. Yan Yan only complied because there was always someone at Xiaomi's side. Standing at the door of the room Yan Yan watched Xiaomi move and offer him a weak smile. His eyes looked tired and bloodshot.

"You're back." He spoke quietly.

Looking at Xiaomi was painful for Yan Yan. His heart ached each time he would look at him. His skin was sickly pale, and there was a visible amount of weight loss. Yan Yan had for the most part, tried to prepare for these times that he knew would be the hardest. However, looking at the person one cherishes the most fight this kind of battle brought forth many emotions.

Yan Yan tired to remain positive in front of Xiaomi but the truth was he was beyond scared to lose him. Smiling at Xiaomi he approached the bed which Xiaomi lay. He was in a blue gown now, wearing gloves and a mask to cover his face. Gently he reached to stroke Xiaomi's cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He was prohibited from much touching; he didn't like it but it was something that was for Xiaomi's benefit. Yan Yan would comply.

"Did you see Mei?" Xiaomi questioned Yan Yan who nodded.

"Lu Yiyi and that man were carrying her out when I came in." Yan Yan spoke quietly.

Once again Xiaomi smiled trough tired and sleepy eyes as Yan Yan sat beside him a chair that had been set up for him. It was stuffy and uncomfortable but Yan Yan didn't mind. He spent most of his time on a makeshift bed that was set up for him at night.

"When are you going to stop calling Chen Ge that man?" Xiaomi questioned breaking Yan Yan's train of thought.

"You know who I'm talking about. What should what I call him matter?" Yan Yan questioned.

It seemed his answer amused Xiaomi more because he laughed softly.

"Chen Ge is a good man. But he's Lu Yiyi's man. There's no need for you to be jealous."
"I'm not." Yan Yan answered.

Of course Yan Yan was aware that Chen was married to Lu Yiyi but that did not mean that he couldn't feel jealous. He was jealous of the time that man had spent with Su Xiaomi; time that he himself wasted being away from him.

"If you had met him first? What then?" Yan Yan found himself asking.

"He would still be with Lu Yiyi. People can't change who they are or who they love... Don't you trust me?"
"Yes. But... you'd be better off with someone who is more like him." Yan Yan admitted to Xiaomi for the firs time.

"Is Yan Yan being insecure?" Xiaomi questioned weakly.

"I feel like that too." Xiaomi confessed. Ever since he had been attending therapy and cooperating with Dr. Zhang Li, his new therapist, Xiaomi had really been better about how he was feeling.

"Often?" Yan Yan questioned.

"All the time."
"I'm sorry. If you feel that way it's because I've failed as your partner."
"No.. I"
"I have. I'm not good at this. I've been with you for a long time and... It was narcissistic of me to believe that just because I was by your side you'd know how I felt."
"I know... but you know don't you" Xiaomi spoke softly reaching up to caress Yan Yan's cheek gently.