The Name of the Game

Chapter 20

"Has he said anything to you about it?" Mikey whispered.

Gerard shook his head. He forced himself up from the basement couch, making his way over to the mirror that hung beside the door. He looked into it, pulling at his face. The bags under his eyes were the color of ripened eggplants. Stubble grew where there was usually smooth skin. His eyes were dull and tired.

"Yeah, you look like shit," Mikey said. "I can tell it's bothering you."

Gerard turned around, a blank expression on his face. "Of course it's bothering me, Mikey," he said. "It's been almost, what, six months? I barely sleep at all anymore because all I can think about is Frank getting hurt. Every time we meet, I'm terrified he won't be there because something happened to him."

"Well, maybe everything is okay because dad isn't going to do anything," Mikey said. "Maybe he just wanted to psychologically torture you for a little while."

"Well if that's the plan, then it's working incredibly well." Gerard rubbed his face. "We made a mistake, Mikey."

Mikey sat up. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean... maybe Frank and I shouldn't be together anymore," Gerard said. He began to tear up at the thought.

"Oh, Gee," Mikey said. "Don't-"

"I'm serious. I care about him more than I've ever cared about anything, but this shit is dangerous."

"You knew it was dangerous six months ago."

"I know," Gerard said, his voice cracking. "And I knew it was selfish of me to stay with him, because I knew nothing good could realistically come of this. I mean fuck, what was I thinking? What was I expecting? For us to live like that forever? What if we got married? Then what?" By then, Gerard was a full, crying mess. His mental state had been breaking over the past months, and it wasn't stopping. "Were we just supposed to keep this shit up?! Join the other's family?!"

Mikey ran over to Gerard and wrapped him in a tight hug. He swayed from side to side, trying to calm his sobbing brother. Mikey had become something of a caretaker for his brother, especially after Gerard forgot to eat for a few days.

"Gee, it's okay," Mikey whispered.

"No, it's not!" Gerard shoved Mikey away from him. Not expecting it, Mikey tripped and fell, hitting his head against the table. Gerard ignored this and kept talking. "Don't you get it, Mikey?! We're past the point of 'it's okay!' It's not okay anymore! Maybe you're doing just fine, but you aren't in my situation. It's not fucking okay anymore."

Mikey rubbed his head, pulling his knees up to his chest. His eyes narrowed. "Well then I don't know what you want me to tell you," he said coldly. He got to his feet and stormed out of the room.

Gerard sighed and laid down on the scratchy couch. He closed his eyes. He thought about his boyfriend. As he realized what he had to do, he began to cry.

-

Gerard dialed Frank's number with shaking fingers. He held the phone to his ear. All he could hear was the dial tone and the sound of his uneven breathing. After three and a half rings, Frank answered.

"Hi baby! What's up?"

Gerard wiped his wet eyes quickly, trying to compose himself. "Hey," he said.

"Gee?" Frank said. He sounded concerned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Gerard sniffed. "Hey, you wanna meet up tonight? I-In our spot?"

"Sure," Frank said. "I was thinking the same thing, actually. I've been missing you!"

"I... I miss you too, Frankie. I'll see you tonight, okay?"