neighbours (hyungwonho)

11

"chae hyungwon! did you get into a fight at school?!"

hyungwon mentally cursed and he didn't turn his head, not wanting to make eye contact with his mum.

"chae hyungwon..!"

keeping his head low, hyungwon just stood there, not knowing what to say or what to do.

"did you do it?"

his mum was right in front of him now and her presence was enough to make hyungwon nervous. the person he didn't want to disappoint the most was his mum. he didn't want to make her sad, angry or cause her any pain - he didn't want to let her down like the person that she had once loved the most.

"i-i'm sorry mum"

there was a moment of silence and hyungwon wasn't sure what thoughts were going through his mum's head, his eyes still focusing on the floor boards of his house.

"why? why hyungwon? it wasn't you that started it right?"

his mum's voice was stern but hyungwon could tell she was concernced but that only made it worse for him because it made him 10 times guiltier. she was still so concerned about him, still trying to find something positive in him after what he had done.

hyungwon couldn't think of other words than 'i'm sorry' and so that was what he said.

"hyungwon" his mother said, her voice low as she tried to fight back her anger, " right now I don't want to hear 'i'm sorry' I want to know why you did that"

hyungwon closed his eyes as he felt that familiar dull pain spread through his skull. how could he tell his mum what had happened? the answer was he couldn't, because then he would have to tell her about the bullying and his hidden life being a dj. the boy had always lied to his mother saying that he was staying at a friend's house. to be honest, hyungwon knew that his mum didn't 100% believe it, but deciding to trust her son, she would let it slide and hyungwon knew that. that was why he was feeling so, so guilty.

"m-mum i'm sorry"

the silence was killing hyungwon, making the pain in his head grow more intense with each passing second.

"so you're not going to tell me?"

silence.

"okay. go to your room and don't even think of coming out if you're not going to tell me why you started a fight"

turning around and heading to the kitchen, hyungwon's mum resumed with preparing the vegetables while hyungwon walked to his room, his body feeling so heavy.

silent tears fell from her face as she put down the knife. hyungwon's mum didn't want to be so rough on her son but she knew she had to. it had been years since hyungwon didn't have a father figure in his life and it was no lie that the first few years were a struggle for the both of them. to compensate for that loss, hyungwon's mum let him do whatever he wanted and she trusted him because her son, hyungwon, was a good kid. 

more tears escaped as a soft sob came out of her delicate face, "i'm such a failure of a mother" she sobbed before she softly slid to the ground, hiding her face into her knees. muffling her sobs.

hyungwon had his earphones in as he tried to rid his mind of any thoughts. he tried to block the feelings of guilt knowing that his mum was probably crying downstairs, the feelings of guilt for upsetting people trying to befriend him and the feelings of hate towards himself.

his grip on his right wrist grew stronger and stronger until he felt his nails digging into his skin. he took deep breaths in and out before he let go.

it had become a habit, a bad habit at that, since his father had left. the feelings of hate, guilt and disappointment had been eating at hyungwon for nearly everyday and this was a little release for him. whenever he felt stressed or anxious, he would hold onto his wrist and let his nails sink into his skin. it hurt but it distracted him -even if it was only for several moments- about feelings that he just didn't want to think about.

hyungwon sighed as he lay his head onto the side of his bed, his long legs stretched against the cold floor. closing his eyes, he just wanted to drift to sleep so that he wouldn't have to think of anything.

*buzz buzz*

the sound of his phone vibrating broke hyungwon out of his trance and he picked it up to see a text from i.m.

'hey wanna come to the bar? one of the djs drank so much last night they went to the hospital...it's just something fun, you have full control'

those words, 'you have full control' repeated itself in hyungwon's mind and the next thing he knew, he was already changing out of his uniform into his usual dj clothes - anything black.

opening his window, the slight breeze blew in, rustling his nicely made hair. looking down, he took in a breath before lunging down.

a voice spoke, giving him shivers.

"what are you doing?" 

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okay, there will finally be more hyungwonho moments in the next chapters~~!!