The Best Mistake I've Ever Made - Monsta X FF

Chapter 4: Washing Of The Water

HYUNGWON'S POV

I notice y/n shifting a bit. Little drops of sweat are forming on her head. With trembling hands, she puts down her mug and excuses herself. Her voice sounds hoarse. I look at her brothers. The youngest doesn't seem to notice, but the others look at each other. When Chang-Min catches my glance, I notice his instant grin is replaced by a worried look. Baekhyeon wants to stand up, but Byung-Ho stops him and rushes towards the kitchen, where he opens a cabinet I found earlier. He scans the many small containers with medicines. I stand up and walk towards him. "Can I help you?" I ask him.

AUTHOR POV

The boy looks at Hyungwon. He hesitates, but when his other brothers give approving nods, he decides to just go with it. "Can you go to the bathroom on the first floor and check on y/n? I need to find her medication." Hyungwon is a little shocked, but gives him a soft 'okay' and rushes upstairs. The door to the bathroom is closed, but not locked. When he comes in, he sees you. You are next to the toilet, on the floor. The way you are 'sitting' on the ground gives away you have fallen. Hyungwon quickly moves towards you and makes you sit and look at him. He questions if you can hear him right now, so he just softly starts speaking. "Breathe in, breathe out." He tells you. After a few seconds, you do as he says and start breathing in, your breath shaking as tears stream down your face. Your dizziness and nausea are replaced by more consciousness. You look at Hyungwon, really look at him, and start sobbing. He pulls you into him and holds you tight. Your nose is nuzzled in his shoulder. He rocks you softly, shushing you and rubs your back softly, making circles.

When Byung-Ho finally arrives upstairs, with the medication, he and Hyungwon force you to sit on the sink and take in your pills. You do, and the both of them wait for the attack to fade away. Hyungwon is standing in front of you, moving his hands over your knees.

YOUR POV

After a few minutes, I feel like I am able to walk and talk again. I move my hands towards Hyungwon's and let him hold mine. "Are you alright?" He asks me. I nod faintly. "Sure?" He asks. "No." I softly say. Byung-Ho gives me a soft kiss on my head and walks away, leaving me with Hyungwon. "I felt as if I was having a heart attack." I start crying and look at my hands. With his thumbs, he rubs soft circles on mine. "May I ask you what happened?" He tries to meet my gaze. When I look at him, the tears are streaming down my face. "I... uh... I have a panic disorder... So I have these-" "Panic attacks." I sigh. "Yeah." He hugs me again. Even though his arms are thin – like mine – his embrace still feels so strong, like he is able to carry me when I can't walk anymore. I explain my symptoms to him, the things I feel. He is just nodding faintly, holding me. He doesn't judge. He doesn't blame me. He is just... there. Like my beacon in the night.

HYUNGWON'S POV

I met her an hour ago, but I feel the strong need to protect her. From the world, from her panic attacks... from herself. She is so skinny, fragile and vulnerable. I never felt like this with anyone. Is this what they call love? Is it dumb of me to fall in love with her? Would she ever accept me, when she has to endure this every day? Could we ever be together, when I know it would be too hard for me as an idol and for her as... No, I can't think I like this... I need to be there for her. She needs me.

YOUR POV

After a few more silent minutes, his arms shift and hold me by my waist. He lifts me up and puts me down gently, as if he's scared I would break. "Can you walk?" He asks. When I nod against his shoulder, he removes his arms from my waist and steps back, looking at me. He smiles.

Our peaceful moment is disturbed when someone comes in the bathroom. "Hey, y/n? Byung-Ho told us what happened, are you okay?" Minhyuk asks. I turn towards him and give him a faint smile. "I'm better." My smile fades when it hits me. "Did he tell you about-" "Yeah.." I.M says, who shows up behind Minhyuk. The both of them look worried, so I walk towards them and hug them both at the same time, softly at first, until Minhyuk steps towards Hyungwon and I.M holds me tightly. "It will be alright." He whispers in my ear. And as much as I'd love to believe him, I'm so damn scared that he's wrong.

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It's honestly quite difficult writing the mental health scenes, but I write a lot about my own mental health so I have some experience, I guess :). I hope you guys are enjoying the story so far.