Dreamer. [joshler]

twenty. Our Little Secret

I still never told Josh the truth, he had gotten drunk that night and came home acting weird. He made me sleep on the couch and I was okay with it, actually I wasn't. I cried all night and I really wanted him to hold me or make me feel better but I couldn't, but that's okay. After that when I got up I went to go apologize again to him again and he actually apologized to me, we pretty much made up that day. It still kills me though, whenever Spencer comes over. He still stares at me and I know I can't do anything about it.

Now he was at the apartment watching a football game with Josh, I never understood football. Everything seemed fine, that was until Josh's phone rang. He listened intently to it, nodding.

"Sorry guys, I know it's my day off but they need me for something over at the office. I'll be back later." Josh quickly got up and shrugged on a jacket.

"You can stay and finish watching the game if you want Spencer." And with that he left, I felt fear in the pit of my stomach.

An hour or two passed, the game had ended long ago. The air was really tense and I could tell something was about to happen. Just like that Spencer stood up and looked straight at me.

"Hey Tyler, could you help me with something real quick?" I didn't get a chance to answer though as he had already grabbed my arm and pulled me into my own bedroom.

I watched somewhat calmly but fearfully as he shut the door behind him and locked it, this isn't going good so far.

"You're a good person Tyler," he slowly inched towards me.

"You'd never snitch on anyone," he was getting too close for my comfort but my feet wouldn't move.

"So of course you won't tell your little Josh about this?" I swallowed thickly and nodded, biting back tears as he started unbuttoning my jeans.

"And you'll listen right?" I nodded again, not even realizing that I was moving backwards until I felt the edge of the bed on the back of my legs.

"Good, then this will be fun."

No, no it won't.

-

Spencer left shortly before Josh got back, I couldn't speak. He told me I was to never speak of what happened and I was going to keep my lips sealed. It was starting to get dark, the dark scared me. The room was dark earlier, he closed all the curtains so no one would see. It was late, I was getting ready for bed. Josh came up to me and touched me, placed his hand on my waist. I flinched, I hope he didn't notice.

"What was that for?" He laughed, he did notice.

"Oh it's n-nothing." He gave me a quizzical look before laying down and getting comfortable.

He patted the spot next to him and I obeyed, pushing away images of what happened hours before in that same spot. I felt safe when he wrapped his arms around my waist and held me, placing a light kiss on my forehead.

"G'night petal." I loved the little nicknames.

"Good night Joshie" I fell asleep crying silently, it's okay.

-

It's been weeks, Spencer's been coming over a lot, but not when Josh is here. He some how got my number so now he asks if Josh's left. This hurts, I can't keep doing this. But I'm scared, I'm scared of what will happen if I tell Josh. I don't want to ruin our relationship, but it's too late I've gotten myself dug in too deep. I was getting too scared to stay home alone, I'd beg Josh to let me go with him but I wasn't aloud to.

Right now I was sitting on the couch anxiously, Spencer had texted me earlier asking if Josh was gone. I hated this, I hated it so much. I don't like it, I'm so uncomfortable. It's not enjoyable, I don't wanna be in my own skin. Everything's just moving too quick and too slow, Spencer just barged into our lives and took control. I cant handle it, it's too much.

I jumped when I heard the door unlock, Spencer stumbled in. He was intoxicated, that made my heart pick up speed. It was always terrifying when he was drunk, he was aggressive and short tempered. I quickly stood up, fidgeting with my hands.

"J-Josh said he'd be back soon," he stepped past me, grabbing my wrist and pulling me with him.

"I-I dont wanna d-do this anymore–" he yanked my shirt accidentally popping off two buttons, I squealed tinily.

"I-I c-cant-" tears brimmed my eyes as he ignored me and unbuttoned my shirt angrily.

"Spencer–" he shoved me back forcefully and mumbled something under his breath, I washed with even more fear.

"Jus' shut up, god." He towered over me, made me feel small.

"I'm s-sorry–" a sharp connection of his palm cut me off, I looked back up at him in shock and horror.

"Whatever happened to listening?" He pushed me back again and I fell onto the bed, the tears that once brimmed my eyes were finally falling.

He rushed forward so quickly and pushed my legs open, fiddling with my jeans. I felt so uncomfortable, I immediately started squirming around and frantically reaching for his hands.

"N-no no no n-" he kept trying to swat my hands away but I continued to interfere, sobbing and pleading, Ive had enough.

"P-please stop-I can't-st-stop no-" I grit my teeth and tried crawling away from him but he just followed.

It was already too late, now he knew and he was mad. Somehow he had managed to capture both my wrists and hold them down so I couldn't move them.

"P-please, let me g-go. I cant take it anym-more. I c-can't do this to J-Josh." I sobbed, tears flowing from my eyes.

"I don't care about Josh, he doesn't know about this–" he squinted his eyes and leaned forward.

"Right?" His voice was so harsh, I flinched and squealed, nodding hastily.

"And he never will know about this." I swallowed thickly, nodding again.

But he was very wrong, very.