supernatural x reader

My Nemesis (Dean)

WARNING: SELF HATE AND MENTION OF SELF HARM AND SUICIDE! IF YOU ARE TRIGFERED OR SENSITIVE TO ANY OF THESE PLEASE DO NOT READ AND SKIP THIS CHAPTER! THANK YOU!

One of the worst things in the world is loving someone who doesn't love you back, but the worst thing is hating yourself for every flaw you have. You don't even have to hate yourself because of a flaw, you could hate yourself because you see things no one else does. In your head everything that you do is a disgrace, a flaw, a fail, but to everyone else you are perfect. People think your life is perfect but what they don't see is your conflicts between yourself. People always see something different than you do. People would say you're pretty, strong, and independent, but you see someone who is ugly, weak, and dependant. If you are depressed then you put on a painted smile and pretend you are something that you're not. Everyone pretends to be happy so why can't I?

It's to the point when I look in the mirror and just cry. I don't like what is staring back at me, why would I? The thing that is staring back at me isn't skinny like all the other girls, she isn't as pretty, nor does she have a good personality. She ruins everything, she's scared of everything, she hates everything about herself. How could someone love her? How could Dean Winchester love her?

The only good thing about her is that she never self harms or she never tries to commit suicide. She wants to make it through this struggle and have a happy family. She doesn't want to be known as weak but known as strong.

I just want to be pre-

There was a knock at the bathroom door.

I croaked out a yeah.

"Baby," it was Dean, "let me in. I'll help you through this, let me help you love yourself, let me love you myself."

The thing is, Dean knew all of my struggles. He knew I wanted to be "skinny," but he says I'm already skinny. When we sit down at a diner he would order a delicious bacon burger while I ordered a salad like Sam, sometimes I won't even eat. I would run, do jumping jacks, sit ups, or even train with Dean and I still wouldn't loose anything.

"The thing is Dean," I placed my hand up against the door and put my forehead on it, "I've tried to love myself, I've tried to see things other than flaws, but I can't. I can't see myself as pretty. I always ask myself how I'm so lucky to have a guy like you. Girls like me don't get guys like you. I'm not as pretty, skinny, or funny as the other girls. Why do you love me?" At this point I was crying, honestly I started crying after I put my forehead on the door.

"Baby," his voice was raspy as if he was crying too, "let me in please. I'll show you what I love about you, I'll show you how I love you, I'll show you why I love you. Just please let me in."

I waited a long second before I opened the door. His eyes were bloodshot red,  his cute nose was stuffy, and his hair was a hot mess. Even when he cried he was still very attractive.

"You're still so beautiful," he said, "even with the red and puffy eyes you're still the most beautiful woman I've ever layed eyes on."

"Don't lie to yourself."

"I'm not lying," he wrapped his arms around my waits, "you want to know what I see. I see a beautiful, strong woman who helps save people and their families. She doesn't just help them by killing monsters but by showing them kindness and that there are people who care. She shows people that they could be strong no matter what. She shows people that beauty can be on the inside and outside. You wanna know what I love about her? I love the way her hair flows when the wind picks up, I love the way she smiles when we're on the highway and the windows are down, I love the way she sings and dances in the kitchen while she cooks, I love how she can sing every Metalica or Led Zepplin song. I love when she laughs, I love when she cuddles with me, I love when she gets really into a movie it's like she's in it. I love it when she teases me, hugs me from behind, and kisses my lips. I love every curve of her body, every time her eyes sparkle, and every time her nose scrunches with every smile. I love the way our hands fit perfectly together and how she is my other half. I love everything about her and it's hard to only choose one thing to love."

I started to cry but this time with tears of joy, "Thank you Dean. I love you so much." I placed my hands on both sides of his face and smiled up at him.

"I love you too and no problem princess," he pecked my lips, "anything for you."

I turned around to look myself in the mirror and Dean wrapped his arms around my waist from behind. I'm starting to see it now, I'm starting to see the beautiful person I really am.