mileven oneshots [completed]

just average

i don't know how to do an introduction for this one. so enjoy.

i have gone through my entire life thinking i was above average. i knew i wasn't the best, but above average for sure. but sophomore year proved me wrong.

sophomore year at our school is the first year you have the opportunity to take ap classes. i didn't take any because the classes that were offered as an ap course sounded boring. why waste any more of my life on a subject i hate?

but everyone in my friend group, lucas, dustin, max, will...... they all took ap classes. i took regular chemistry and ended with a 78 in the first semester. lucas got a 92 in ap chemistry.

it started with little things like that. well, they didn't feel little, but im sure to you it's little. i always felt behind when my friends would discuss anything academic-wise.

mike was the only one in regular chem with me, and he was doing a little better than me, with an 83. we studied and struggled together. he's always trying to explain things to me and i just can't wrap my mind around the concepts.

i felt stupid.

i always thought i was above average. sophomore year just kept doubting me. i always thought i was pretty and nice. with above average looks and above average charisma and kindness.

i went to a halloween party dressed as an angel last year. i thought i had done good makeup and even though mike said it was, i heard whispers and i saw people pointing and laughing. i heard it. i felt it.

some guy grabbed my ass at that party and asked for a blowjob.

i left that party crying.

no one came after me.

i thought people cared about me. i thought they liked me. i thought they knew i was smart.

but then the survey came out. some guys tallied up votes about who had the hottest body, who had the ugliest. of course my name lied on the latter with the most votes.

someone had made copies of the survey to expand the audience to get more votes. when it came it me, i went to the bathroom and cried.

no one came after me.

i no longer thought i was above average

so, that's why i decided to find an above average height cliff to jump off of. i don't want to blame anybody. i don't want to make anybody feel guilty, because everything that was wrong was me. i shouldn't have held myself to such high expectations and disappointed myself so horribly.

i should've reached out to get help, both academically, socially, and emotionally. and though people tried to help me, they couldn't understand what i was going through. they couldn't stop the storm that was whirling in my head, which was yearning for destruction.

just so you know what to do with my things: everything is for charity. i never deserved the things my parents gave me. they gave me above average gifts for a below average girl. so may be i can do some good with the remnants of my life. give my things to people who need it.

keep any pictures you have of me. take a look at each one and remember the average girl from an average town.

remember that there's no reason to think that average is bad. no reason to think that a score on a test or a gpa can somehow measure up to your self worth. no reason to hate yourself for having confidence.

do the things i couldn't do. climb the mountains i fell so badly from. use your voice for good. don't let it be drowned in a sea of voices. because once you're too far down, you lose hope, knowing you can never resurface.