Just Fine

Maybe

The streets had never seemed so lonely before.

Even the busy roads with yelling and honking horns didn't seem to sound as loud as the silence.

The silence only she could hear.

It didn't make any sense.

But then again, neither did she at the moment.

She walked down the sidewalk.

She had walked the path many times, back and forth, over and over, but she had never walked so quietly. She couldn't seemed to hear at all, yet all the quiet seemed so loud.

Maybe she was just tuning everyone out. But she didn't have a choice.

The buildings that were once big, busy, beautiful structures now seemed dead, and lifeless.

Even if they were crowded with people filing in and out.

She had never seem life so dark. Even in the shining sun.

Was a rejection really enough to do that to her?
She wanted to admire the beauty the city had once provided, but she couldn't see it anymore.

She couldn't feel it anymore.

But she wasn't afraid.
She wasn't scared.
It was all just.....okay.

She knew she shouldn't feel okay with things like this, and maybe she really didn't. Maybe she was just a good liar.

She seemed to be.
At least, for others.

The more she thought, the more she realized she had been so busy before, she didn't have time to worry about her own head. It was a bullet waiting to be shot off. Perhaps her stress was the gun, Hawkmoth being silent was the trigger, and Adrien pulled it.

She would say she didn't care, she would even tell herself that.

But she cared. Of course she cared. How could she not? When all the words were haunting her from her past, begging to bring the worst memories back alive.

She didn't want that.

But she couldn't stop it.

She couldn't help but believe what people said about her the first time she failed. She did feel useless. She wanted to think that what they all said wasn't true. But she couldn't. Because what she said about herself wasn't much better than what others did.

That was a secret she had always kept. Adrien didn't make her this way. Chloe didn't make her this way.

She did.

She did this to herself.
And she had been doing it for a while.

She didnt try to.

She hadn't noticed it at first.

But it had never seemed to make her this miserable before.

Maybe she had been suffering this whole time. Maybe she just told herself she was okay.
Maybe if she said it enough it would be true.

She wished she had a definite answer, but all she had were maybes.

She thought about Ladybug, how she was idolized, adored, known throughout Paris, all of Paris.

Maybe all throughout France.

Because she saved people. Because she was a hero. Because she was strong. Because she could do it all.

But Marinette wasn't.

Because she tried too hard. Because she couldn't help enough. Because she was weak. Because she couldn't do anything.

The mask didn't define her. The costume didn't either.

But they did at the same time. Maybe that's all she had going for her.

Ladybug was built from a flimsy swaying tree, into a tall standing building.
And Marinette seemed to still be just a small little tree.

But either way they had the same foundation.

And neither of them were sturdy.

One, both of them we're going to fall.
But both of them were going to hide it.

And they were going to do it well.

If they could.

Marinette found herself in front of her home, quicker than she had expected. She walked upstairs, And dropped her bag in her spinning chair.

Tikki flew out, just before she was impacted by the fall.

"Oh tikki!" Marinette gasped, suddenly realizing She could have hurt her kwami.

Tikki wasnt a pet. She wasn't a toy.

She was a friend.

More than that.

And Marinette had to treat her as such.

"Mari...I feel like you've been forgetting about me lately." Tikki fiddled her small hands, or paws, or whatever you would call them.

"I know I know....I'm so sorry Tikki. I've just been lost in thought." She shook her head, giving the small creature an apologetic look.

"Its okay Marinette. I'm just concerned. Are you alright?" Tikki sat down on her desk, picking up a cookie from the plate setting on it.

"Yeah yeah, Im fine. I was just thinking about...patrol tonight." she lied.

It was hard to lie.
It felt like needles on her tongue.

"Have you talked to Chat?" Tikki asked, between chewing a small bit of cookie.

"No, I think I can handle it alone though. I could use some time outside you know?" she smiled.

"Yeah, jumping around as Ladybug might actually be good for you. And fun too!!" Tikki laughed, an adorable giggle that caused Marinette to giggle too.

"It's gonna have to wait though, I've got homework remember?" She sighed, moving her bag to the floor beside her chair.

Tikki nodded and continued eating her cookie.

She watched as Marinette sat down, and began taking out her work for school. She knew something was wrong, more like, she knew a couple things that were wrong.

It hurt her to see Marinette like this,, but she didn't want to pressure her.

She had seen ladybugs upset before, but never like this.

Most ladybugs in the past were caring, but still would put themselves first in a situation of life or death.

But Marinette was different than most ladybugs. She was special.

Tikki had known that from the start. So many things made her special.

Everyone knew it.

Except for her.

Tikki shook her head, while Marinette was focused on her homework. She was always so stressed, Tikki knew that too. Tikki knew more than she let on. Far more than anyone really knew.

Plagg had known that though.

She wondered where he was. She wasn't for sure, she didn't know who chat was either.

Plagg had a certain attitude. He was very wise, and He really did care for all of the Chats. But he wouldn't let you know that.

She wondered if Plagg felt like his Chat was special too. If he was different. She missed Plagg. But she knew she would see him eventually.

Even if Ladybug and Chat never revealed themselves, and she had to wait decades.

She knew it would be worth it.

She hoped Marinette would find that out too.

That things would get better........

But she didn't tell her that.

Maybe she should've.