Missing Reality [SLOW UPDATE]

Chapter 5

FIVE

“Yana, are you okay?” hearing my brother’s voice made me calmer as usual.

“I’m sorry Kuya… I… didn’t mean to disappoint you.”

“Hush, you didn’t disappointed me or anyone, I’m worried Alyana… We’re sorry we dragged you in to this mess.” Kuya’s guilty voice made my heart sink a little more.

“No. No one’s at fault, it was my decision to marry him anyway.”

“We’ll talk when I get home. I’ll be home in five days.”

“Okay then.” I hang up, Kuya’s been very busy and to call me is just beyond his time today. Marahil isiningit niya lang ang pag-tawag saakin to check on me.

It’s been a week and the news spread like a wildfire not only in school but in the corporate world too, lalo na sa mga investors ng company namin.  My mom kept on asking me but I just can’t say the details over the phone but I let them know that I’m filing it. I assured her I’ll be home today.

That night well, I did went to Chester’s house as planned, Poleen was there but we didn’t revised my thesis, I cried out to them… it was comforting. I called my lawyer first thing in the morning, informed him that I wanted to file an annulment and by noon time the next day I’ve had signed the papers.

Good thing that the day after that night hindi ko nadatnan sa bahay si Aries so I had a peaceful time packing up my things, Manang Osang were so puzzled on what was happening, I just gave her a smile. We had our Sunday dinner with his family as usual but he didn’t act out like he usually do, he just sat and ate beside me mabuti at hindi nagtanong ang mommy niya. I went to school as normal days, I saw him at the corridor together with Tricia but I didn’t bother, dinaanan ko lang sila. That same day umuwi siya ng bahay pag ka gabi and I was a bit shocked coz he doesn’t go home during weekdays especially nasa bahay ako. We ate together pero parang nasa library ang kinalabasan ng hapunan na iyon, we didn’t talk. Pag-akyat niya sa taas sumunod ako para kunin ang papel na dapat niyang makita. I’m fuckin’ determined to file it so he can do all the siestas that he wants.

His door was not locked pero kumatok parin ako, I didn’t heard an answer pero I let myself in. It was my first time na makapasok talaga sa kwarto niya. The last time was nasa may pintuan lang ako ng kwarto niya.

“Your door was unlock, I knock but you didn’t answered so I let myself in” dire-diretso kong sabi sakanya.

His hair is wet; he’s now wearing a white sando and a boarder shorts. He glanced at me, dumeretso siya sa kama niya and seated there.

“What brings you here?” he said softly; mapungay ang mga matang nakatingin saakin. I do not know how to react? Of all times, bakit ngayon ka titingin ng ganyan saakin? Like, what did you ate? And why the heck I am trembling? Do I find him so dam attractive while his sitting there in front of me staring at me intently.

The F, Yana! Gising!

I cleared my throat, wala akong pakialam kung tumititig siya? What? Are you amused that I am in your room huh? I roled my eyes to my disgusting thought!

Inabot ko sakanya ang papel na hawak ko ng walang pag dadalawang isip. Kumunot ang nuo niya at mahigpit ang hawak sa papel, I see that somewhat the part where he’s holding it.

“What’s this?” he asked and looked at me so mad I can feel the intensity of his stares, damn it. I’m not letting my guards down tonight; I’ll be ruled by my mind tonight not with my heart.

“Like what I said, I’m filing an anullment Aries, I’m letting you know.” Nag tatapang-tapangan ako pero hindi ko alam kung hangang saan ko kakayanin. Tinuon niya ang tingin sa papeles na ibinigay ko, iniscan isa-isa at binasa ng maigi. Mas kumunot ang nuo niya habang binabasa iyon ng matagal and I saw how his jaw clenched.

“My parents know about this, I let them know yesterday when I got the papers, probably your parents know it already and don’t worry what happened between us will never affect your company Mr. Sandoval I made sure of that.”

My mom was a bit hysterical when I told them the news, I told them that I and Aries aren’t compatible, that we can’t work out our differences even if I tried to. I love him okay, I really do but I will never push myself to someone who can’t love me, I am not asking anything in return, kung hindi mo ako kayang mahalin, it’s damn okay. I can handle my own feelings pero hindi ko kayang araw-araw maalala ko na mag-asawa tayo, it’s beyond my understanding. Ayoko masaktan ng sobra.

“If this is what you want Alyana I’ll not intrude” he said and gave back the paper to me. He looked at me again with his tired eyes, I don’t know why he’s looking at me. Hindi niya naman iyon ginagawa parati. At nararamdaman ko ngayon ang sobrang inis at galit sa narinig ko, see Alyana! He doesn’t even care! No second thoughts! He never cared for you! My heart is aching more, ito ang gusto ko pero ang marinig sakaniya na kung ito ang gusto ko hindi na siya manghihimasok, the fuck to that! Great, talagang nag saying lang ako ng panahon.

“Funny how you react to this, Aries! If this is what I want?!  You made me do this! You hate me too much and I can’t fathom the pain you’re giving me! You hate me too much that you don’t wanna go home every day! You hate me too much that you play with my feelings and let me see how you flirt with Tricia! Damn you, Sandoval. Damn you! I’ve wasted my young years!” sabi ko, I burst out, damn it. Wala akong pakialam kung umiiyak ako sa harapan niya. Wala naman siyang paki-alam.

“I regret falling for you.” I said at saka nag martsa paalis ng kwarto niya.

Reporters were outside our school, the security tightened for weeks dahil sa balitang nag-hiwalay na kami ni Aries. How I wish it’s March already para maka-graduate na ako, para makalayo na ako. I want to forget him so bad that I think I need to be out of the country to do so. I hope someday I’ll find someone who loves me. I think Aries and Patricia benefited the most to this annulment that I filed. Patricia looks happy these days though Aires can’t be seen. Hindi niya pa pinipirmahan ‘yung papales na iniwan ko sakanya. Ano pa bang gusto niya? I am giving him his freedom.

“Are you really okay?” concerned na tanong ni Poleen nung nagkita kami sa coop canteen ng university. Nagkataong may pasok ako sa Taxation sa campus nila kaya namilit na magkita kami.

Naging mailap rin ako ng ilang araw sakanila ni Chester dahil nahihiya ako. Ayaw ko na may masabi silang makakasakit saakin. Though I know na what they will say is for the good but I am not ready to hear those. I can heal my wounds by myself.
Tipid akong ngumiti sakanya at nagigilid ang luha. Hindi rin nakatakas ang mga taong umuusisa saaming dalawa. Mariin akong yumuko. Hindi sinagot ang tanong niya,, hindi ko kayang mag sinungaling. I am not okay obviously but I need to be! Damn it.