Better Off (Lil Peep)

Chapter 22: Tourbus

A few days later

Samara's POV

Just days after Peep's induction party, everything is busy. The planning, bringing in merch, crunching the number, ticket sales. I pack my suitcases with a smile. So much to bring, between outfits, makeup, photography gear, and designing tools. Wicca actually packs light, to my surprise. He packs everything he needs to a t, which of course is still a lot since well be gone a month and a half. I still can't quite comprehend that. Good thing the bus is big.

I've always secretly dreamed of life on the road. I'm not one for fame or anything- I'm only best friends with famous people. I chuckled at the thought. But yet, I was nervous too, to be gone with them all for so long. My anxiety was getting the best of me, as I thought of all the worst case scenario things.

I was out of xanax, which to be fair, Wicca wasn't happy about me having. Not that he could control me- I think to some degree he was worried about me, even though it was under control. I sighed and sat back in the chair in Wicca's room, closing my eyes if only for a moment.

"You okay?" I hear his voice. I feel miles away from him for no reason but I don't say that.

"Yeah I'm great." I lie through my teeth because I'm shaking, and I'm nervous. I wonder quietly if I'll be the only girl on the tour. I wonder if I'll get car sick from all of the driving and the long travel days.

"No you aren't." He shoots back. I'm surprised he can even tell.

"I'm nervous." I admit, hanging my head down. I feel somewhat embarrassed about lying to him. I feel him grab my hand, and tip my chin up towards his face.

"You- are amazing. And believe it or not, being nervous about this- is perfectly okay. I was so nervous the first time I ever did a big tour. But tour life is amazing, and- we'll have each other." He squeezed my hand and I smiled up at him, he was still so much taller than me when I was barefoot.

"You're right, we will." I remind myself. I feel him push something into my palm and I realize it's a xanax. My eyes go wide, wondering why he even had it in the first place. That was unlike him. He would only stick to weed and alcohol.

"Gus gave it to me for you. He told me it isn't easy to just quit so-"

"Wicca, you don't have to, I'm sorry-" I stuttered awkwardly, taking the pill from him.

"I'm not here to judge you baby, I know it's hard. I just want you to be okay." He explained.

I thanked him quietly and told him I was going back to my room. I took my suitcases down the hall a way and tiptoed into the room. I actually hadn't been in this room in a couple days. And now I'd be leaving it for a month and a half.

Gus had saved me a xanax. I didn't even think he had that many. I wondered if Layla had given him more. In my own issues, I still worried deeply about him. If 3 xanax was enough, Gus would take 5. And that scared me.

I shook the thoughts as I popped the pill, I stared at it for at least 5 minutes to make sure Layla hadn't tried to poison me or something. She didn't seem to be fond of me in the least bit. I wondered why, considering Gus was only my best friend. There was nothing between us and there never would be.

I sorted my things once more, making sure that I had everything I needed. We would be boarding the bus promptly at 3 am. Not the ideal time. I rolled my eyes. I knew that I wouldn't be getting sleep tonight. Not on purpose or anything, but my body didn't want to rest thinking about everything.

It was already 11:48pm. I chuckled at myself. I didn't realize until I had left Wicca's bedroom that half of GBC were sleeping in the living room, Gus and Layla included. I guess she was coming.

Buzz. Buzz. Buzz.

Fuck. Is it 2 am already? I hear shuffling out in the living room and I peep my door open, seeing the usual morning scene, blunts and breakfast, everyone looking a bit more tired than they usually would be.

I join Gus and Layla and Horse on the couch with their blunt, above us all, Gus is the most awake and nearly cannot contain himself.

"It's the fuckin day, GBC is touring, fuck yeaaahhh!" He says in sing song. Layla kisses his cheek and instinctively giggles. She looks like she hasn't slept either and I honestly can't tell with Gus. Horse looks dead to the world.

"Is the bus here?" I asked almost excitedly.

"Nah, the drivers pulling up at 2:50 we better be ready." Gus slurs his words a bit and I can tell he's fucked up.

It's 2:18 am. I don't quite feel like myself but with all the guys here I feel more at home. Maybe this won't be so bad.

I bite into my avocado toast listlessly, my brain elsewhere. I wanted adventure and I was just about to get it.

At least I wouldn't be the only girl- Luna wasn't coming which made me sad, but maybe Layla and I could bond while on tour? That is, if she didn't completely hate me.

Gus was still my best friend and there was nothing that was gonna change that. Not even some silly girl he was dating. I wondered quietly if she would even last for the whole tour.

2:50 came around even faster than I thought. The bus was fucking huge, Gus wasn't kidding. We stepped inside, the driver loaded our things into the underneath. I was fascinated. Inside there was a small kitchen with a bar, a living room type area in the front, down the large spacious hall was six bunks, and in the back, and a big bed in the back, that could be pushed up and turned into a lounge. Bunks were small but Wicca and I would cuddle I suppose.

We all crashed into the bus, tired as hell but I wasn't ready to sleep. First venue was Portland, Oregon, we had 14 hours to drive but I didn't mind. I put in my headphones and sat in one of the seats by the big windows. I found solace and peace as we drove away from LA. This was going to be the adventure I really needed.