Better Off (Lil Peep)

Chapter 31: London Life

Samara's POV

After seeing Big Ben and the London Eye, and eating lunch in Hyde Park all while on cocaine, we had our days fill. Hyde Park was a short walk from the venue and we laid on the grass there, even if it was a little bit chilly and half grey. A million things ran through my head sitting there with him- about meeting them, about Wicca, about how fast everything had moved, about how just three months ago I was a nobody with no friends and no family.

I shivered there, and Gus moved towards me, filling the negative space between us on the grass. It was cold, but luckily not damp. I shivered even more feeling him close to me.

Things with Wicca had slid downhill. He was always worrying about me and who I was talking to. I didn't feel trusted and personally I didn't know if I trusted him either. Things for some time felt forced, even though we weren't actually an official couple. In some way, I guess I had gotten tired of playing pretend with him. I wished somehow I could rant to Gus about this but I didn't want a silly thing like me to change their friendship. Gus was basically my love guru once upon a time, he had set me up with Wicca himself and I didn't know where to begin with talking about it. I didn't know where to begin with him, at all frankly.

I wanted him. And I know that he wanted me. I couldn't see Gus being any more committal than Wicca though, and if I had thought that's what I wanted before I guess I was wrong. No matter how hard I didn't want to let someone in, I was ready again. And I wanted so badly for that person to be Gus. He was unlike anyone I've ever known. But he was also bad at love, and that somewhat scared me.

I didn't want to fall for him so fast, but in some way it felt as though I'd been falling for him all this time.

Before long, it was time to get back to the bus and get ready for the show. I frowned longingly as we left Hyde Park, missing it already. Of course when we arrived on the bus, there had to be a dose of drama. Layla was distressed and scavenging the bus for her things, she looked a wrecked and probably hadn't slept since we got here to London.

"It's all in here Bitch. And this." Gus snapped, shoving a bag of things to her from his bunk and from the back room.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me Gus- I love you!" She shouted, that made him furious.

"YOU did this to me, Layla! Now just go!" He yelled, turning away, pinching the bridge of his nose.  But she didn't move. She stood there arms crossed.

"Gustav, cmon... don't do this. I made a mistake-I-" she continued to plead with him but he didn't seem to be having it one bit.

"LAYLA WILL YOU GO ALREADY?! ITS OVER!" he turned around and screamed at her. I watched his face grow red and angry, the vein in his head practically popping out. He was visibly shaking as if at any moment he might break down.

"Fine. But I'll always love you Gus." She turned on her leather heels and left the bus, leaving us alone again. I had never quite seen Gus that angry and I was somewhat shaken up.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly.

"No but I will be." He lit a cigarette and sat down at the breakfast bar, pulling the small green ashtray towards him. He hung his head and just took a deep breath for a moment. I contemplated speaking but I thought better of it. If nothing else I'd give him a moment of peace after all of that shit.

"Sami?" He asked, looking back up.

"Yeah?"

" I really adore you. I just- I needed to let you know that, in all of this. I'm sorry for all this shit today."

"Don't be sorry- I adore you too, Gus."

Moments later, Wicca entered the bus, with the rest of the guys in tow to get ready for tonight's show.

"So. I found a new driver for us, at least to get us through the next few shows." Wicca sighed.

"Thanks my dude I'm sorry-"

"What happened?" Horse chimed in.

"Layla cheated on me with our fucking bus driver. So yeah. She's gone." Gus put out his cigarette and sighed.

"Shit, I'm sorry man." Horse patted his arm in sympathy, but I could tell he really just wanted to roll his eyes and say "I told you so"

I hadn't really trusted Layla from the beginning- no one here did to be honest and we had all practically made bets about how long she'd last on the tour.

I was thinking myself, too, about leaving the tour. Things were so good here, but we were coming up on Paris and any oppurtunity to be reunited with Ally was one I was going to take. I'd be messaging her a lot lately but I'd hardly mentioned crashing at her place. I wondered quietly if she would mind. I thought about Gus suddenly and my heart broke for a moment. Do I leave Gus and leave the tour? Do I stay? So many choices right now. I still had a week before we'd be in Paris so I had at least a little time to think.

Too bad I couldn't just take Gus to Paris with me. Or could I?

We entered the venue from the back with a grin. The show was almost ready to go on. I hugged him in a big embrace as we walked into backstage.

"You're gonna kill it out there- you always do." I grinned, fixing his fading purple and black hair.

He grinned at me, and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. "Thanks love."

I looked at him shyly, and our eyes met. I could seriously get lost in those fucking eyes of his. He loosely grabbed my hand.

"And thank you, for today." He planted a small kiss on my forehead.

I could hear the screaming fans calling for them, and he stepped out onstage.