Better Off (Lil Peep)

Chapter 9: Gus Ahr, Love Guru

Samara's POV

I woke with inspiration for the merch and pulled out Luca's IPad he'd given me.

I drew a wolf, partially footwork, in black, with an upside down cross at his side. Scribbled next to it, was two calligraphy L symbols for Luca Lyons. It took nearly two hours to draw and finalize. But I didn't stop there. I doodled other designs anxiously.

My mind wandered to Tracy and Haylie, but it was really none of my business. I knew Dex would paid for a good chunk of the apartment so I didn't want to start any more drama that might jeopardize anything. For no apparent reason I felt angry.

I texted Luca to see if he was around but he was out. I texted Goth. No reply. I texted Gus.

*Hey. It's Samara.*

*Hey girl, sup*

*Can I come by?*

*Hells ya I'm bored and alone let's chill*

I sent Luca emails of my work and left my iPad on the bed, locking my room behind me. I sighed and grabbed a coffee for the walk on the way.

It was pouring again for no reason but it was warm. I walked quickly, rushing to get to Gus' and to just talk to someone. I don't know why I was so bothered but I was. And I was upset.

I arrived at Gus' apartment half out of breath, the walk felt longer than I thought.

"Are you okay?" He let me in, eyes half wide at the mess that was me in the doorway.

"Yes-no? I don't know. It's stupid." I kicked off my shoes by the door and sighed.

"Who's here?" I asked.

"Nada. I'm all alone today. Wicca was supposed to stop in but something came up with Luca and what not. Clique stuff. He's almost a member."

"Shouldn't you be there?"  I asked. He shrugged.

"I'm a member already I just haven't been officially inducted. That's next month." He smiled.

"I see."

"So tell me what's going on? You seemed upset when you just walked in..."

"I'm just, confused I think? I saw Tracy and Haylie and they were-"

"Oh shit. I thought he liked you?" Gus got my drift pretty quickly and I shrugged.

"I mean...yeah I thought so too, and I don't know why but I'm..upset?" I choked out.

"Don't be. That's Tracy being Tracy. He might just be fucking her. Doesn't necessarily mean he likes her like that. Isn't she with Dex anyways?" He scratched his head like he was unsure but of course he knew.

"Yeah- I'm just, I'm tired of things being so complicated. Luca wouldn't leave me alone- I thought I liked him but I don't want a relationship, and now this? And I'm somehow upset?" I plopped onto his couch face first and sighed into it. It smelled like cigarettes and cherry cola and I breathed it in.

I felt his hand lightly touch my back and I abruptly sat up, next to him.

"Samara. You are gorgeous. And we all adore you. Mostly just as a friend but- Luca, maybe Tracy, Wicca even, I think they like you as more. But! That doesn't mean you have to feel anything back for them, or that you owe them anything. Seriously." He tried to reassure me and it clicked for a minute. He wasn't wrong.

"I guess you're right...I mean, things with Luca have gotten better. There was some drama and we ended up being able to help each other out. So I'm drawing up merch for him and stuff." I smiled at the thought of my designs on shirts everywhere, promoting Luca Lyons. It felt huge.

"Shit, that's amazing. I'm glad things are looking up. Hey..have you talked to Goth recently? He won't answer his phone." Gus played casual.

"Actually he wouldn't answer me either, haven't talked since at least yesterday, maybe the day before." I mused.

"Shit." Gus mumbled.

"Um...are you okay?" I emphasized the word "you" and he chuckled.

"Yeah I'm fine I just-"

"You miss him?" I finished Gus' sentence and I watched him go red in the face for a moment.

"Pfft. No." He brushed it off, looking away from me.

"You like him, Gus. Don't lie." I chipped in.

"Samara-"

"Don't lie."

"Okay, yeah, I like him- actually, fuck, I love him."

"Does he know?"

"Somewhat." He rolled his eyes.

"Meaning...?"

"We have a history, I'll just say that. But no. I've never just blurted out I love you or anything if that's what your asking."

"A history? Can I please know?" I pried.

He sighed. "We used to share this apartment. We were...close. And then Emma. Shit got really complicated and he left."

"Emma?"

"On and off again girlfriend. I guess this makes me terrible and shallow but I still care about her too- I still, I guess I still love her too."

"Well fuck. Your shits maybe more complicated than mine." I felt a little less alone in that moment.

"I don't understand why my heart is so god damn big, I don't want to love two people." He sighed.

"I know that feeling."

"Be glad your single. And dont catch the feels!" He warned me like some old man who had his heart broken too many times.

"I've hardly been around Wicca enough to catch feels and I don't know about Tracy- or Luca." I shrugged and he laughed in that moment.

"What"

"Wicca is like, about you, girl. I'm not gonna lie. He asked me to try to get you to just like, talk to him.  He wants to get to know you."

I felt myself blush.

"Ugh but I'm so awkward. And what about Luca and Trace? I don't wanna start drama..."

"Hey I'm just the messenger. But, Wicca- Adam, he's a good guy. Not that Luca or Tracy aren't. He's just, more calm I guess. That's why he never openly approached you."

"I'll talk to him. As a friend I mean, yeah. Just, I don't know if I want more yet. But Gus?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you, for making me feel less alone."

"No prob."

"And Gus?"

"Yeah?"

"Date Goth. I don't know Emma, but, I see the way you both look at each other. If you love him, tell him.  I think he needs to hear that." I smiled