Evan looked away from the computer screen, at the video of himself on stage. He was sweating in the video, his face red, but he had a look of such determination displayed across his face that it was almost sad. His breathing was so loud, but it evened out eventually. Evan knew- he had watched the video at least 10 times.
If he was being honest, Evan didn't remember saying any of these things. He didn't really remember anything past standing up with the help of Connor. He must have blacked out or something- but he hadn't. Evan had stood up, taken a deep breath, and given an entire speech.
A good speech.
Video-Evan was talking. It didn't even sound like the voice that Evan heard daily, but somehow it was his. "But see, the thing is, when I looked up... Connor was there. That's the gift that he gave me. To show me that I wasn't alone. To show me that I matter. That everybody does. That's the gift that he gave all of us. I just wish... I wish we could have given that to him . "
Evan paused the video, staring at the version of himself in the screen. It didn't even look like him. Sure, the figure had his face and his posture and his body, but there was look of... something Evan couldn't place- determination? Confidence?- on his face. He even stood more confidently, even with Evan's crumpled over posture. He didn't understand what had happened- boy, what Evan would have given to know what had happened...
A message popped up in the corner of the screen, followed by a quiet Ding! Evan clicked on it hesitantly. Alana Beck had forwarded him a post- the video that Evan was watching currently. He paused it quickly to keep himself from rewatching it for the millionth time. He looked back at her message. Alana Beck: Have you seen this?! Someone put a video of your speech online.
Evan didn't know how to respond, but she sent another message moments later. Alana Beck: People started sharing it, I guess, and now... I mean, Connor is everywhere.
Evan's phone buzzed. His heart leapt and he looked over at the small box on his bedside table. No one ever texted or called him- the most people did was either email or Facebook message, but neither of those were main ways of communication. They showed just what they thought of Evan- he was worthy of being Facebook messaged.
Slowly, he reached over, grabbing it when his thoughts began to multiply. The only person who ever called or texted him was his mom- what if something was wrong with his mom? What if something happened at work or on the way back from work? Or what if she saw the video? How the hell would he explain that?! Evan's stomach dropped and he clenched the phone tighter, not daring to look at the screen as he tried to recall the somewhat-calm emotion that he'd had a few moments ago.
He had told his mom that he and Connor hadn't been friends at all, that Evan hadn't known him. He had told his mom the truth. For a moment, Evan wondered how he was going to conceal something like this from her- but then he realized that lying to his mom wasn't hard. It was second-nature by now because she just didn't care or didn't want to help. Or maybe she just didn't see him.
That was probably it. Evan shut his eyes. She just didn't see him- either she couldn't or didn't want too.
He turned his phone over in his hand and saw the message was from Jared Koolman . What? Evan hesitantly unlocked his phone, confused. Jared never texted him unless Evan texted first, he needed something, or he was making fun of Evan. They hadn't talked in days, not since before Evan's speech. Slowly, Evan began to read, almost scared of the result.
Jared Koolman: Holy shit dude, have you seen the number of views and stuff on your speech?!
Evan didn't know how to respond to this either. Slowly, he answered. Me: No
YOU ARE READING
Did I Even Make A Sound?
Fanfiction'Dear Evan Hansen.' The words were easy enough to type, but Dr. Sherman had told him to say them out loud. It was bad enough he had to write letters to himself for therapy- if he had to say them out loud while he was typing them, it would make him f...
