Consistently Complicated Contemplations

S h y

So, if you know me in real life, I'm a very shy kid. It's not the fact that I don't like being surrounded by people, going to parties or simply going out. It's the fact that I am a very self-conscious person. Believe me, I don't want to be! But I always suppress that inner feeling that tells me to go and eat at Fasta Pasta with your old school mates because what the hell? What's there to lose? 

It's only up until recently that I've started to break out of my shell and I am really regretting it. Yet that's the way that I have so many friends ironically. 

*s T o R y T i M e*

As a little kid, I wasn't a leader at all. I was the kid who would tag along with others simply to not be alone and have people sympathize me. Because I care alot about people's feelings and whether or not they might've had more important things to do.

In Year 1, I had to move houses and also move schools, it was a terrifying experience for someone that age. You would think that kids are all naive at that age and would play with anyone! That wasn't the case for me, everyday for one year I would just walk around not knowing what to do, what's next? I didn't fit in really, all the fun I had was really by myself back then, the only enjoyment I got was by myself or my family, I didn't bond with anyone else. 

I think one of the saddest things I still look back on is this calendar with a photo of that class at the zoo in 2011. Everyone was doing their wacky and wild poses, some of them hugging the plastic statue and their smiling faces. But you look at the poor kid on the left, he's all alone, though smiling, had no real companions and is somewhat like a robot, you just tell him where to go and what to do. 

It makes me really sad to know that was what happened back then. The best memory was when our class did a dance cover of Thriller by Michael Jackson and we dressed as zombies, I also had won the prize with wine and crackers. But still, alone, without a friend.

During my primary school, I was still a very quiet kid, believe it or not. I was considered a really smart kid at my school, though my school was not necessarily the brightest of the bunch. Probably at the lower ends of schools. 

I was used quite a lot, I was a very naive kid and it costed me so much better grades. I was an idiot to be honest. This one time in like Year 3 or 4, there was a competition for Reconciliation Week where you are to draw something related to the Australian and Aboriginal flags, and the top 3 drawings won a book prize. So my friend helped me with nothing, but like help me with pencils so my first dumbass thought was "he needs some credit". I never really expected to win but when I won we both went up and divided the prize. 

Even though my friend did jack-all. My parents weren't really proud of me and I reflect on it to be one of the stupidest memories of my childhood. Believe me I have plenty to share but let's leave that for another time shall we?

It was only until my last few weeks as a Year 7 at my primary school that I had made a really good friend. Don't mind if I expose you, Matthew. He's an absolute lad, I have regrets that I didn't hang out with him enough before we left. 

He was always trying to be in my friend group, the lads who live, eat and breathe soccer. But for some reason no one liked him that much, he was a bit of an outsider. We played soccer every single day and never got bored with it surprisingly. This is when I made the best decision ever, and asked him to be my partner in my school work. We bonded so much and I'm glad we started to become friends, even if it was only for 3 weeks. 

We still keep in touch, he throws the best parties and we hangout every school holidays at least once. My moral is that this is the tip of the iceberg of getting out of my shell and starting to take risks no matter what.

to be continued.....