Babygirl || Lucky B Smith

3.

Warmth. The sun sent yellow light through my window and into my room. It was warm and inviting. The bright happy pastel colour temporarily stained my white bedsheets with the sun, casting it around the corner and across my walls. Happiness? Maybe I was starting to finally get to that point in my life, maybe.
"Goodmorning." Alec smiled. He was now a little  heavier than he was originally. About 15 pounds maybe. I don't think his eating disorder was as bad as before, maybe he was finally getting better. The weight looked good on him, he's more muscular and buff, with a bit of a gut. He seems happier now. I am worried, I've always been but I know he's going to come to me if he ever slips off.
"Happy Birthday! 23 wow." He cheered which made me feel a little bit more depressed.
"Hey Cmon you could be a little bit happier. I mean I remembered- and I don't ever remember birthdays." Alec rambled as he pulled me out of my bed.
"Your right, your right. I'm sorry." I shrugged.
"Besides you've got your big birthday party tonight!"
"What? No!" I shrieked and glared at Alec.
"You know I don't want a birthday party- I hate parties and I especially hate all the attention. I never know what to do with it. I wasn't made to be in the spotlight."
"Whatever I knew you were going to say that so I called the gang and we are just going to be doing a small hangout here."
"The gang?" Nerves spiked when he mentioned the gang. Did that include l-
"If your thinking Lucky is coming- don't get your hopes up. I called it went to voicemail."
Another year without Lucky. Maybe this is for the better. Maybe this year I'll finally move on.
Alec sighed and glanced over at me.
"Lucky or not Luke and all them are coming and me being nervous would be an understatement." He said sadly. I guess our group fell apart quite a bit after Lucky left. We all visit maybe twice a year at best.
"Don't worry about it Alec. And besides I'm sure Luke is still deeply in love with you." I joked. Alec on the other hand stared at me, stunned.
"H-he liked me?"
"Wait what? Are you not gay?" I stopped, confused now.
"I mean I've always dated women, always done stuff with women- I've never done anything with a man."
"I mean a super super small part of me has always had a crush on Luke." He said quietly.
.
"You seem to be doing really well. Will your eating disorder." I mentioned as Alec held one of his fries in his hand. We were at one of our favourite spots for lunch. The Hometown Diner.
He set the fry down and stared out the window, obviously trying to ignore that conversation.
"We have two celebratory milkshakes on the house, heard there was a birthday." the waiter said as he placed the milkshakes down on the table.
He gave me a grin and walked back to the kitchen.
"That guy was hitting on you." Alec muttered as his took a sip of his free chocolate milkshake.
"I doubt it." I rolled my eyes.
Alec slurped down his milkshake in no more than four minutes and leaned back in his chair.
"I'm so full. I'm stuffed." He groaned. He had also eaten well over half of the large plate of fries.
"Did you skip out on breakfast?"
"No, why?" He glared at me.
"You seemed very hungry.. whatever never mind."
"Yeah, I was hungry. Why else would I have eaten." Alec hated talking about food. Let alone his consumption of it. I could feel the uneasiness.
"What would you do if Lucky did show up?" Alec asked as he reached for another long fry.
"Well he won't, but if he did I guess I'd act normal?"
After talking for the rest of our lunch date, Alec finished off the plate of fries and claimed he was so full he could burst. Something old Alec would never say. He paid the cheque and we left.
I drove home while Alec whimpered about how he shouldn't have had all those fries and that milkshake the entire way to our apartment.
"I'm so nervous, Andrea." He said honestly.
We were just waiting now inside our apartment.
It was 7 pm and everyone should be getting here around this time.
My nerves started to bubble up when the doorbell rang.
I glanced up at Alec who gave me an encouraging nod and I went to the door.
"Hey!" Sebastian greeted while holding his two year old son in his arm, Ashton.
"He's a runner, sorry didn't want to go chase him again." He said as the walked in side.
The second Sebastian set him down the child ran to the window in the living room to watch the cars on the highway down below race by.
"You really weren't lying." I chuckled.
"Hey Kate." Alec greeted her, his green eyes glanced at me.
"How's your leg?"
Alec would get this question from everyone who knew about the accident now, even years later.
"It's back to normal, except sometimes my muscles seize up a little but what can you do." He gave a smile. Alec's leg looks like a war zone on the other hand. Two thick long scars stretch over his thigh and down his calf, from the surgery.
Sebastian and Kate sat down on the couch while the doorbell rang again.
"What if it's Lucky." I said, Alec replied with a raised eyebrow.
"Well he's invited. I'm sure he won't come though."
Alec muttered and went to the door.
Marcus, Isabel, and Luke wandered in.
Luke glanced up at Alec and quickly snapped his head back down to the ground. He muttered a hi towards me and hurried to the couch. Isabel smirked at Alec and patted his little belly. He immediately pulled back feeling uncomfortable.
"I see you've put on some weight since we had last saw you. I guess you can eat."
"Isabel!" I glared at her, while Alec's cheeks burned. He shifted back. Hiding himself behind me.
They all walked to the couch and I glanced behind me at Alec who already looked many emotions.
"Are you okay?" I mumbled, his green eyes stared at me for a second.
"I hate this already." He said honestly. I kissed his cheek.
"Your going to be fine, I'm here."
"Your right, your right. It's your birthday anyway- hopefully no one will pay any attention to me."
We went and sat down together. Alec placed his arm on the couch behind my head and I leaned into his side a little bit.
Marcus cleared his throat creating silence in the room.
"I just wanted to wish our girl happy birthday, 23 is going to be your year!" I broke out in a grin and everyone cheered "Happy Birthday!"
After a little bit of small talk Luke stared at me and cleared his voice.
"Is Lucky coming?"
"I don't know. honestly, probably no." I shrugged.
"Have you talked to him?" Kate asked.
"I haven't had any communication since he left. He kinda cut me out of his life." I stared at my hands, now feeling ashamed.
"Sorry I didn't mean to-"
"No it's fine! If it helps Lucky hasn't talked to me this we-." Marcus said.
"Marc!" Luke quickly slapped his hand over Marcus' mouth but it was too late.
"You all talk to him?" I gaped.
There was a long hesitation before the group nodded.
"Oh." I mumbled. Alec's hand dropped from behind me to my waist. His thumb rubbed against the fabric covering my waist. It sent tingles through me. But when I glanced up at him, he wasn't paying any attention to me. Maybe what he was doing wasn't even registering in his mind.
"I'm going to the washroom." Luke muttered and stood up.
After a few minutes and conversation started back up Marcus left too. Alec watched him as he slipped into the bathroom with Luke.
"They just went in there together." Alec whispered in my ear. Jealousy struck through me when I watched Alec and how angry he got over Luke.
Then Luke and Marcus came out heavy breathing and Alec's hand gripped my side.
"We've been dating for five months and I'm so sorry I'll make it up to you." Alec whispered in my ear.
"What?"
"We. Are. Dating. I am going insane right now I need something I can hold against Luke. I need something I can at least pretend to have."
He whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek.
"Fine." I rolled my eyes and stood up.
"Cake anyone?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen.
"I know who definitely wants some." Isabel smirked.
Alec rolled his eyes and met me in the kitchen. His green eyes met mine and he smashed his lips against mine. A wave of emotions fell over me and I smiled into the kiss.
I pulled my hands around his neck but he pulled away. The group went quiet just like what Alec wanted. But he stared at me with a confused look for just a split second that made me feel embarrassed for liking the kiss so much.
"Wait what?" Luke stumbled over his words completely shocked.
"Y-yea we are dating. We've been dating for awhile actually." I said feeling taken aback by the expression Alec gave me after our kiss.
"I lost my appetite." Luke muttered under his breath and glared at me. I frowned a little.
"Who wants cake?" I repeated myself.
The group all said yes and came up to grab it. Luke on the other hand was on a mission.
"What the hell?" He asked quietly his voice sour.
"What do you mean Luke?" I mumbled glancing over at Alec who stared at me and Luke nervously.
"What are you doing? Why him? Why are you dating him?" He whispered in my ear still trying to look normal as everyone was all tightly packed in the kitchen to get cake.
"What do you mean? Because I like him-"
Luke stiffened and his cheeks went red when he realized what he was saying.
"Erm um sorry, congrats-"
"Hello!" The door opened and he walked in.
The room when silent and everything felt like it slowed down.
There he was, in the flesh, Lucky.
He looked older, broader and more muscular. His hair was darker and his jaw was more prominent but he still had that same smirk.
"Lucky." I breathed out a grin forming on my face.
I ran over to him, pushing these people out of the way and hugged him. God he still smelled the same.
I hugged him tightly and laughed.
"Happy Birthday he said and handed me the flowers he held in his hand.
"Thank you, i-I'll go um put these in a vase."
Everyone else greeted Lucky normally and went to sit down.
"So how much weight did you put on?" Isabel asked Alec as he went to take his slice of cake.
I grabbed her and yanked her towards me.
"Stop it! He's finally at a healthy minded spot, where he doesn't have to puke every time he eats. Your gonna send him back to that real quick."
"It's Better than what he's at right now."
"You and I both know it's not." Alec was seated now without a piece of cake.
I sat down between Lucky and Alec. Alec put his arm around me and I watched as Lucky caught that.
"Yea, Lucky just to fill you in, Andrea and Alec are in fact dating."
Lucky made a shocked face to say the least.
"Oh." He said awkwardly.
"Yeah I know right it's weird." Isabel started.
"Honestly Andrea, you could do so much better. So much. Like your dating a fat guy."
"Isabel! He's not-"
"It's fine you don't need to start. I'm leaving." He muttered his cheeks red with embarrassment.
The room went silent and eyes looked around at each other while Alec quickly left the apartment.
"I should probably go a-"
"Your dating him?" Lucky cut in, his piercing blue eyes caught me off guard. They felt so sickeningly unfamiliar after the years of not seeing them. He looked the same but also different.
I felt like a stranger. I felt like we were strangers.
"You talked to them." I said without a thought. Lucky frowned.
"What?"
"You um you communicated with Luke and Kate and Marcus and Sebastian b-but not me. You never texted me once, you never called, nothing." I felt shy even saying such humiliating things out loud.
Lucky was silent as he stared at the ground, trying to come up with something to tell me.
"Can we talk alone?" Lucky asked as he glanced back towards the open doors.
"Ok." I hesitated and glanced at the group of people watching curiously.
"I'm going to go find Alec." Luke said as he stood up and towards the door.
Luke's head injury did actually impact him. He gets really bad migraines and headaches often. He says they are a lot like the feeling he had felt when he was down in the forest during the accident.
Lucky pulled me in my room and closed the door.
"I- how do I put this- it hurt too much to think about leaving you. It hurt too much to think about you, about what your doing, if your seeing someone, if your with other men. I didn't want to bother you either. I knew I'd be gone a long time and I didn't want you to wait up on me-"
"Well I did." I cut him off. He stared at me a little stunned, his blue eyes deep with regret.
"I waited every day. Every single time my phone rang or someone knocked on the door I immediately thought it was you."
"It was never you."
"I'm here now. Trust me I wanted to be here, with you all the time I was gone. I really did."
"You could have called." I muttered.
"Jesus Christ Andy? What do you want me to say? I have no excuses I don't. I'm sorry."
I sighed and walked out of the room leaving lucky still in there. I don't really know what I wanted him to tell me. I don't know why I keep asking.
.
"Alec?" I could hear Luke's voice as he pushed open the men's bathroom door. I was in the lobby bathroom in the farthest stall. I had puked as much as I could possibly puke. My stomach hurt so bad and I felt incredibly insecure. I couldn't calm down, my breathing wasn't helping my throat which burned so bad.
The tears were running down my cheeks like waterfalls down mountains. I couldn't stop.
As soon as I heard him walk in, i stood completely still. I didn't want him to find me at all.
My heart was racing a mile a minute as he got closer and closer to my stall, opening each one till he pressed on mine. It was locked.
"Alec?" His voice was quiet and nice. Although he was the last person I'd want to see looking like this.
"Please go away." I whispered. My own voice sounded so small and stupid.
"Cmon you know I can't just leave." He said. I heard him shuffle a little on the other side till he was sitting beside me just between us was the stall door.
"Are you alright?" He asked. I blinked away depressed tears silently.
"Yes." I murmured.
"Are you alright?" He repeated again. I hesitated for a long time.
"No." I whispered. I felt guilty and ashamed of who I was.
His hand came underneath the stall door, open, and waiting for mine. I placed mine over his and his intertwined his fingers with mine.
"I hate myself." I whimpered. His thumb rubbed my hand soothingly but my heart was still cold.
"I hate myself so much." I cried out.
"I hate myself too." He said. His voice held confidence I couldn't. I was shocked at his response.
"What?"
"I do. I hate the way I act, the way I lie, I hate a lot of things I've done. I hate the way I look."
"Your perfect." I sniffled.
"So are you." Luke said.
I pulled my hand away and covered my face as I cried as silently as I could.
"Let me in." He said.
"No."
"Let me in." He repeated himself as he stood up on the other side of the door.
I shook my head and let out a sob on accident.
"Fuck Alec, I can't just stand here while your doing this!"
Luke crawled under the stall and into the small area.
"Go away!" I cried out. Trying to hide my hideous face from him.
"What has gotten into you? Alec I'm not an enemy."
"You didn't even say hi to me." I stared at him. He frowned,
"What?"
"When you came into my apartment. You only greeted Andrea and walked right past me."
"That's because I was nervous! For Christ sakes Alec I haven't seen you in so long I didn't know how to even talk to you. Trust me I was mad at myself this whole time for it."
I stared at him.
"Your lying." I glared at him, my eyes watering.
"Your lying!" I shrieked and kicked at him. Like flinched and backed up.
"No I'm not! I'm not! Stop it! Alec!"
Hot tears streamed down my cheeks and I kicked at Luke until he left my stall.
"I can't believe you think I'm lying!" He yelled now just as worked up.
I stared at him with a dark glare.
"Cmon lets go back up. there's lots of people up there that cane to see you too. Everyone up there loves you and accepts you."
"Your lying!" I screamed again feeling so worked up I could faint.
"I'm an ugly disgusting fat piece of shit that doesn't even deserve to live. Let alone be loved." 
"Don't say that." Luke stared at me.
"Fuck you!" I screamed and he started crying.
"I'm worthless. I'm a horrible person! I hate myself and everyone else hates me too! You couldn't love me even if you tried!"
"I can't believe you think that." Luke cried.
"Go way! Leave me alone I don't want you here!" I yelled at him feeling the emptiness in my heart grow.
"I want to die!" I cried out.
Luke yanked me up from off the ground and hugged me. His chest pressed against mine tightly. He held me for several minutes. His chin in the crook of my neck. He didn't understand how much my heart hurt for him. How much I actually liked him. He'd never understand.
"You are perfect."
I shook my head as I tried to pull away.
"You are worth it. Your are worth everything."
"Nobody hates you. Everyone in that room loves you."
"I love you."
Sadly his words didn't make me feel any better. Like loves me. As a friend. Like with always love me, as a friend. After a long time he finally let me pull away. I had calmed down now and so had he.
"I'm okay now. Can you leave? They are probably wondering where you are anyway. I'll come in a few minutes." I mumbled.
"Your promise your gonna come back up to the apartment?" Luke asked.
"Yes." I nodded.
He left and I forced myself to throw up several more times before I with no dignity left, wandered back up to the apartment.