Mary Grace

Eleven

Eleven

The moment I opened my eyes, an intense nagging feeling is building up inside of me. I wanted to claw at the walls and scream and shout and cry. I even had trouble breathing properly.

Harry must've noticed my discomfort because he snapped his eyes open and gave me a questioning look. "Are you okay?" He asked groggily.

Ipinikit ko nang mariin ang mga mata ko. I gritted my teeth. "I'm fine." Halos hindi ko na rin marinig ang boses ko.

It's obvious Harry wasn't convince with my answer but he did not say anything else. He just watched me climbed out of bed naked and head straight to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and with trembling fingers, went to the sink to wash my face. I splashed some cold water into my face, a futile attempt to calm myself. Mas lalo lang nagsidhi ang galit ko.

"Mary Grace?"

Mas lalo akong nainis nang marinig ang boses ni Harry mula sa labas.

"What?" I tried to sound calm but the impatience is evident in my voice.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Jesus, I'm fine, Harry! Leave me alone!" I yelled.

Nilamon kaming dalawa ng katahimikan sa biglaang pagsigaw ko. Tanging lagaslas lang ng tubig ang naririnig ko. I closed my eyes again.

It's back. It's back. It's back.

I tried to ignore the dark cloud lingering around me but it's too hard especially when it's sucking the life out of me. I hate this kind of mood. It occured multiple times a year, when I wake up feeling angry and I want to hurt everyone around me including myself. Uncle Thomas and Jeremy's face simultaneously flashed inside of my mind. I wanted to kill them both and see them soaking in their own blood but I know I'm just driven by rage.

A strangled scream cut through the silent morning, snapping me out of my thoughts. I realized it was from me. Before I knew it, I am already punching the mirror glass in front of me while screaming.

"Mary Grace?"

Even Harry's voice sounded so fuzzy in my ears. I heard him pounding on the bathroom door and I heard myself screaming out loud. I felt a sharp pain on my knuckles and I felt something painful seeping into my skin. But I kept on screaming and screaming.

Eventually, Harry knocked down the bathroom door. Nang makita niya ako, kaagad niya akong niyakap. Nagpumigalas ako. I screamed on his chest. My bloodshot eyes are full of rage. My fists are clenched and ready to hurt someone. Anyone. I want to hurt them as much as they hurt me.

"Mary Grace... ssh... please," He pleaded.

Patuloy pa rin ako sa pagsigaw at pag-iyak. I'm about to lose my heart in that very moment. But Harry tightened his hug around my timid body. He murmured it's okay again and again in my ears and for a second, I wanted to believe that it's really okay. That we're going to be okay.

It wasn't long enough before I gained control of myself again. Nanglambot ang mga katawan ko. My brain started processing what I just did. I cried silently.

"It's okay, Mary Grace. It's okay." Alo ni Harry sa akin.

I let my limbs falling into place. Kinarga ako ni Harry pabalik sa kama. Humihikbi pa rin ako. Tahimik lang siya habang naghahanap ng first aid kit sa kwarto ko. Nang makita niya iyon ay nanghingi ng permiso ang mga mata niya para gamutin ang sugat ko. I weakly nodded my head and lifted my throbbing right hand stained with my own blood.