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Ch. 18

Anger bubbles deep within her. She is a heating pot, cool to the touch and red hot underneath. She is heating slow and low, waiting to boil and roll. Scalding everyone she touches. But it's not her fault. Circumstance infected her like an inflamed cut. She is lashing out, trying to release the heat. It won't be long until she boils over.

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Why does it all blow up in my face?
When did this become your everyday foot race?
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I woke up the next morning with a throbbing in my leg. Beautiful. With my eyes still closed I reached out to the other half of the bed to grab my dimerol and phineagrin only to meet a bare chest.

"Your hands are freezing." I heard him mumble, sleep evident in his voice.

"Sorry," I said. My eyes were still closed, if not a little scrunched due to discomfort. "Would you be the best person ever—"

"Already am," he said, a smirk in his voice.

"And grab my painkillers." I finished with a smirk.

He muttered a soft "shit," and leaned over to grab them. I heard the rattling and lids twisting and the slosh of a water bottle before I felt the pills land in my open palm. I tossed them in my mouth before accepting the water and slinging it all back.

"Eugh," I gagged. "I hate taking pills," I said finally cracking my eyes open a bit.

He was looking down at me with a smirk and a small shake of his head.

"How's it feel?" He asked.

"Like an ear infection that traveled to my leg."

"What?" He said squinting.

"You know, the whole area feels warm and sore and like it can't be touched. An ear infection, but in my leg."

"You are so weird." He laughed.

"Lay back down, its still early." He complied quickly and I lifted my head for him to put his arm under it. I snuggled into his side as well as I could. It was too comfortable for me not to remember that he wasn't mine to cuddle.

"How would Karen feel about you being all cuddled up with some other girl?" I felt his head tilt back.

"You're not some other girl, your Lydia." He said as if it was obvious.

"So she would be fine?"

"She's not my girlfriend, Lyd."

"I just feel like everyone else has someone, you know? You, Ian, Fiona... none of you are alone."

"You aren't alone."

"You know what I mean," I said in exasperation. He was quiet for a minute.

"Everyone I pick is bad for me." The words escaped my moth in a whisper, I almost hadn't meant to say them.

"You do have shitty taste in guys," he said a little darkly. "I don't understand why you put up with half the shit you do from them, Lydia. You're beautiful, smart, caring... and you just put up with assholes."

I was quiet now, looking down towards my feet. "Well, who wants damaged goods, you know?"

"Jesus, Lydia!" He rolled so he was facing me and grabbed my face in his hands. "You aren't damaged. And you aren't 'goods,' you're not someone's property. You are your own woman... Why is it that you don't give a shit about what anyone thinks until they are trying to get in your pants? It's like you go dumb. They don't own you. No one owns you." My mind flashed back to my dream from the night before, my father screaming that I was his. I felt my intestines squirming. Tears bloomed in my eyes.