Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

Words Unspoken

Poland almost fell asleep on the chair that he was sitting on in the waiting room. His panic attack took a lot of his strength away but he knew that he could not fall asleep, not now.

A couple of hours passed until one of the doctors came by and announced that the operation was done and that everything went well.

Well... Feliks wasn't sure what they meant by that but he had to agree, as long as Lithuania would be alright.

They transported Toris to the same room as before. He was still asleep but he should wake up in a couple of hours, exactly enough for Feliks to figure out what he should tell him, how to explain all of this to him.

Toris seemed calm, he had a bandage around his neck and in a couple of other places on his body but they didn't seem to cause him pain. Feliks calmly walked over to the bed and brushed some of Lithuania's hair out of his face as if it would make a difference.

Some more hours passed, Feliks decided to use the time on sleeping as he didn't want to seem tired when Lithuania wakes up as he was sure that the other would worry for him. Surprisingly, he had no problems with falling asleep and ended up sleeping on the same plastic chair as before.

Feliks had a dream. He was together with Lithuania, they were running through a field, the sun was shining, warming their faces. It all seemed so magical, just like during the old times when they were happy, when they didn't have to worry about anything accept for each other. Lithuania was laughing, it was obvious that he too was happy. The day changed into night in a blink of any eye and now, the sky was filled with beautiful bright stars. Feliks and Toris lay down on the field, holding hands, talking about something, looking at the stars. Feliks felt so calm and happy, he completely forgot that it was all just a dream. Toris then turned his head toward him and smiled.

- Kocham cię.* - He mouthed the words but no sound came out.

Feliks became scared, he didn't know what happened to Lithuania, why he didn't have a voice. Poland knew exactly what the other was saying but he could not hear the words. The dream suddenly turned into nightmare, everything started to disappear.

Feliks woke up confused, it took him a bit of time until he finally realized where he was, what he was doing. He looked over at the bed and saw that Lithuania was waking up. He came up to him and caught his attention.

Lithuania was confused, he could not think. Thankfully he saw Poland next to him, his green eyes looking more hopeful than ever.

- Good morning. - Poland smiled at him and sat on the bed next to Toris.

Lithuania responded with a faint smile, he still felt numb and weak.

- Are you feeling okay? - Feliks was making sure to speak slowly so that his partner would understand everything.

Toris faintly nodded his head. He felt weak, he knew well that he wasn't able to speak. At least Poland was next to him.

- You're still weak. - Feliks continued as Toris was growing more and more aware of what was happening. - But everything will be back to normal soon. No more taking all of those pills. Don't worry. - He smiled at Toris, hoping that the other would do the same.

It won't be the same. - Toris thought once more. - I want everything to be back to normal but it never will. Not like this. I don't want it to be like this.

Feliks waited for the other to react but gave up after some time. Lithuania was just staring at the ceiling, he must have been thinking about something.

- Are you worried? - Poland finally managed to gather his thoughts and decided to ask.

Lithuania tilted his head to look at him once more. He nodded his head as if to say "yes".

You don't even know how much I'm scared. Feliks this cannot work well. It's obvious. I know that you think that we can be happy but it's impossible. Look at me. What can I do now? Nothing and you can't do anything either. Don't lie to yourself. You were the one who sat here for months and months, hoping that I would wake up. This is not how it should be. I shouldn't be here, I don't want to be here.

- It will all work out. Don't worry. I will always be next to you. - Feliks tried to convince Lithuania that it was true. He too was very scared once more and he didn't know how to deal with it. In the past it was usually him who had problems, who would have to fight for his life but now, when he was in Lithuania's place, he felt terrible. He never thought of it before and now when he had too much time to think it was all clear for him.

Toris could not stand Feliks' talking. His voice was so warm and assuring but he knew that Poland was forcing every word out of his mouth with hesitation. All of those words could never be true. Lithuania tried to sit up and Poland noticed as he helped him up. Toris rested his head against the back of the bed. He stuck out his hand as if to ask for something.

- What do you need? - Poland asked confused.

Goddamnit! How the hell do you expect me to tell you what I want? Just give me the stupid notebook. - Toris felt frustrated. He looked around the room to locate the notebook and pointed his finger at it. Feliks followed to where his partner was pointing and immediately got up and handed the notebook to him.

- Sorry. - He added embarrassed.

Toris ignored him and started writing something. At first he did it very slowly to get used to moving his arm. Then he continued faster and faster, ignoring how awful his handwriting looked. There was so much he wanted to tell him and now he had to write it all down.

The notebook wasn't big so before Toris wrote what he wanted, he managed to flip to another page a couple of times. While writing, he tried to stop himself from crying.

Feliks was observing him, becoming more and more worried and confused about what was happening. He could tell that Lithuania was frustrated and looking at how much he was writing, he was desperate.

A couple of minutes passed before Lithuania put the pen down and passed the notebook to Poland, a small, hopeless smile painted on his face.

Feliks took it and turned to the first page scared about what he could read.

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*kocham Cię - (Polish) I Love you