Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

Hug

"I want to go home." These were the first things that Lithuania wrote and showed to Poland.

- You will be able to come back soon. - Poland responded with a smile. He felt very satisfied with the message. For this whole time, he was scared that Lithuania would be afraid of leaving the hospital, but now he was sure that it would all work out.

Lithuania responded with a nod, his facial expression did not change at all. Ever since that day when he let Poland stay, he didn't smile a single time.

Toris put down the notebook to signalize that it was all that he wanted to say.

- Do you want me to leave? - Feliks asked finally. He felt much better that his partner decided to finally talk to him but he felt a bit empty when he realized that it was all that he wanted to say.

Toris shook his head as if to say no which made the Pole happy. He really wanted to spend time with Lithuania but he was too scared of being rejected. He wanted to spend hours and hours with him, just like before but he was too concerned with what Lithuania might try to do. For some reason, Feliks thought that if he wasn't around Lithuania, he wouldn't see the bad that was happening and that he would not blame himself for all of this.

It really was in irrational thought but it was something that he could hold on. He also felt like Toris didn't want to be around him after Feliks convinced or maybe forced him to agree to try.

Feliks, if only you knew that I am lying... But I would never be able to tell you that because you would go crazy, try to do something that I don't want. You can't even imagine how scared I am of having to go out of here. I wish I could just stay here, close my eyes and never wake up again. I don't want to go back to the place where I left so many memories, our memories. I know that you will still be there but it will never be the same, I will never be the same. I know it, isn't it obvious? I only wrote those words because I don't want you to worry. I want you to live happily. Maybe one day I will convince you to leave, maybe you will when you realize for yourself that it will never be the same. I guess this is one of the only pulses of not being able to speak anymore. I can think anything I want and you can't even tell. And I can always lie about everything and you have to believe me. I want you to be here next to me, please stay. Everything I wrote about leaving was a lie. If you want me to live, you have to be next to me till the very end. I won't make it without you. I need you just like you needed me all of those times before. I don't want to break your heart again.

Toris wanted to hug Feliks but was too scared to do so. He was too scared about what he might think. He looked over at Poland who was still sitting on the edge of the hospital bed. He seemed much more calm now. Lithuania had the feeling that the words that he wrote helped the Pole calm down and made him believe in that fact that Lithuania wanted to come back home.

Feliks was looking away, his eyes seemed to be focused on the white floor. He looked like he was thinking about something deeply, his eyes seemed to have a hint of worry and fear in them. Lithuania knew that well, he saw it before many times. Feliks' eyes lost their normal, cheerful green color and were replaced by a deep, dark green that showed fear.

Toris picked up the notebook once more and started writing something as fast as he could. When he finished, he gently tapped Poland on the shoulder to get his attention.

Feliks blinked a couple of times before turning his head toward Toris. When he did so, Toris picked up the notebook.

"Can I hug you?" The words made Poland smile. It was a sad smile but it was still something.

- Of course you can. - Feliks responded smiling.

Lithuania came closer and hugged Poland as tight as he could. He needed to be sure that Poland was alright. He knew well that the smile was fake but he could not tell him that. Poland was trying his best to act like nothing happened from the beginning and he didn't want to put him down like that.

- You never have to ask about such things. - Feliks responded, hugging back. - I really missed you. - His voice was calm.

Lithuania responded by stroking his hair.

- I really need you Toris. I really do. I would not be able to survive without you. - Feliks tried to stay calm as he was saying everything that was on his mind. He didn't think what to start with or how to continue every sentence. He just hoped that it wouldn't be that evident from Lithuania's point of view.

- If you only knew. If you only knew how I feel. If you knew what I had to go through when you were in that coma. Every day, I wished that I could be with you again. I prayed that you would wake up. I almost never left this room.

I can tell that Feliks. You are really thin and you look tired. Why did you stay here every day? Don't you think that you should care for yourself more? I had people who looked after me and monitored me for the whole time so why were you here the whole time? I wish I could ask but I don't want to let you go. I don't want to let you go ever again because I'm scared that I will lose you. That you will suddenly vanish forever. Please Feliks, care for yourself and if you can't do that, then I will have to do it. I promise that nothing bad will ever happen to you.

Toris gently kissed Feliks on the cheek, refusing to let him go.