Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

Silence

Only after not sleeping for the whole night and repeating Felik's words in his head over and over, Toris decided to agree for Feliks to stay. Something inside of him forced him to feel guilty and that was why he agreed to try.

Try what? Try to function like a normal country? Like nothing happened? Unable to say anything? Impossible.

Toris had a lot of time to figure out what exactly he should do. He thought about having to go out to people. Of having to function in a society that could never understand him again because of his situation. Then, unwillingly, his mind drifted to the past. He remembered the first time he met Feliks, how happy, young and carefree they both were. All of those positive memories, got slowly stained in red and disappeared as their relationship got filled with war and lies more and more until Lithuania wasn't able to look at Poland anymore.

But it somehow got better. They came back together. Maybe Lithuania was the one who wanted to get back together because of how guilty he felt for leaving his partner, knowing his mental state.

His mind was then filled with memories of Feliks' near death. The terrible state that he was in and how Lithuania had to listen to his screams day after day. He remembered how at times he prayed for all of it to end, he prayed for death. It carried on for a long time, each day being the same as the other. He would not sleep to make sure that Poland was alright. All of that had a huge impact of his own health as he grew more depressed and ate too little.

Toris closed his eyes as if to get rid of all of those memories. He tried to stop the tears that were gathering in his eyes. He felt cold.

Without thinking too much, he turned over to where Feliks was sleeping and hugged him as best as he could in hopes that it would calm him down. He was sure that he could not imagine life without Poland but at this point he could not imagine his life at all. For him it did not exist and it would never exist even if Poland would be next to him.

...Just try...

Lithuania's weak state forced him to grow tired. He felt terrible, he wanted to scream and cry but he knew that he could not allow himself to do that. He felt worn out and wanted for all of this to end once and for all. Before he could even realize it, he fell asleep, still holding on to Poland.

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Feliks felt tired even after sleeping for so many hours. He felt like something was wrong and only felt better when he saw Lithuania sleeping next to him, his hand holding onto the Pole's shirt. Feliks wasn't able to smile, he didn't want to. He felt scared about what Lithuania could tell him next and he tried to prepare himself for anything.

Toris woke up an hour later, he felt terrible and was not even afraid of showing it. How else would Poland be able to help him if he didn't know that something was wrong in first place?

Lithuania made Poland sit on his bed again and wait for what he was writing.

"You can stay. We can try."

- Thank you. - Feliks said after reading the words. He did not feel happy, he felt empty. Of course, he hoped to convince Lithuania to let him stay but now that it happened, Poland did not feel good. He felt as if he forced his partner to write those two simple sentences, that Lithuania did not believe what he was writing. That he only did it for him.

Lithuania only nodded, he didn't want to continue this conversation. He hoped that Poland would not expect him to respond any more.

For the next couple of days, they did not talk almost at all. Poland spent most of the day in his house anyway, finishing cleaning up so that Lithuania could join him soon. The feeling of guilt slowly disappeared as he spent less time with Lithuania and more time on everyday tasks that helped clear his mind. Deep inside, he still worried for Toris a lot and often found himself sitting in the middle of his kitchen, thinking about what he did, what he forced Lithuania to do. Of course, he felt happy that his partner wanted to try but something seemed wrong, he didn't completely believe him. He knew that Lithuania wasn't happy and that he most probably would not be happy again.

Poland was sure that Lithuania would manage to find a way to communicate in no time but the problem was that Lithuania didn't want to. For him, death was the only way to solve this problem.

Through the days, Lithuania got better, the doctors said that he would be able to leave home soon.

Lithuania felt terrible about it, he didn't want to leave, he didn't want people to see him because he felt different. Lithuania still refused to communicate almost at all, at times he wouldn't even look at Poland when he was speaking. Why did he do it? He didn't know. He was happy to have someone like Poland next to him but he just didn't know how to show it.

- We will go home soon. - Poland would repeat over and over to convince him that it was a good thing. - There is still other ways for you to speak. - He would add every time Lithuania looked sad or angry. - The doctors told me that you could learn how to whisper. - He sounded so hopeful. He really wanted the best for Toris and he could tell that.

One day, after days of silence, Lithuania finally signaled Feliks to pass him the notebook and showed him to sit down. Feliks did not know what to expect.