Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

Hope

Poland woke up once more but at this point he wished that he would never wake up, he wished to be dead. The floor was very cold and hard, for a while he was surprised how he even managed to fall asleep on it in first place. He slowly got up and went over to the bed where Lithuania was sleeping,

...His face looked so calm...

At least he knew that Lithuania wasn't in pain as he used to be before, those days... those days were the ones he was scared of the most. The first couple of weeks were terrible, Toris would scream a lot and spit blood all the time. Feliks would not even manage to sleep for days because he was scared that it may happen again.

...and again...

It never seemed to end which worried him a lot. Fortunately after a month, he finally calmed down and Poland could rest at least a bit at a time.

Lithuania's face was so pale, his breath was even, the red scar on his neck would haunt Poland forever.

No. He could not look at him today. It was too much. First he has to think of a way to calm himself down... Was it even possible anymore? How could he be calm when his partner is in a coma for months and could possibly die at any moment?

...Death...

Right now, that option seemed much more realistic than him waking up.

Poland hit himself on the head. He cannot think of that, not now, not ever. Everything will be fine, one day.

He really wished that Lithuania was next to him right now, feel him close. He needed him a lot. He always did and he always will.

Feliks sat back down on his chair, feeling cold and angry. Angry at the world and whoever did this to Toris. He once again locked his eyes on the white floor which was now reflecting some of the sun that was trying to get into the room, trying to light it up, hide the tragedy which was taking place inside.

Was he looking for something in particular? No.

...He never did...

It became impossible for him to concentrate on even the smallest things, forcing his mind to race back and forth between thoughts that had no meaning and no connection.Sometimes his mind would go completely blank, erasing all of his memories, his past, forcing himself to question what he was even doing here, who was that person laying in bed, not waking up at all. This happened only for a short amount of time and he learned how to ignore it, knowing that his mind would go back into place in a couple of minutes.

Today, no matter how much he tried to forget again, it would not happen. Especially today, when all he wanted to do was die, he could not control his mind at all. He wished he could forget forever. Walk out of here, not knowing what he was doing here at all. Start a new life. Not as a country but as a human, not having to worry about Lithuania or anyone else. Forget about the trauma that was haunting him since World War 2 and live in peace, knowing that he forgot something but never having to know what it actually was.

He sat there, zoning out from the outside world, trying to breathe evenly to calm himself down, to stop the tears that wanted to get out of his eyes with the leftover inner strength that he somehow still possessed.

The cycle was repeating itself again, another day, another useless day of sitting around, questioning life, wondering if God still existed.

...He had to come back...

In the meantime, some doctors came in to check on Lithuania. They at first completely ignored Poland who was just looking at them, observing if whatever they were doing, would not harm his partner in any way.

After some time, he decided to ask the doctors. He had to ask if Lithuania would ever wake up. That was his last spark of hope that could either light up the fire in his heart, giving him hope, or it could die at any moment, leaving him cold and feeling useless.

They said to have hope, that he was doing well and that he could wake up. When? They could not tell, it was much more complicated than that. All he could do was hope for the best, prepare himself for two options. One, that Lithuania would wake up and Poland would have to learn how to speak to him, how to make sure that he would be fine. And the second, death. It was less possible but it was still there. It all depended on Lithuania right now, Poland could not do anything to help him accept for being patient.

...Patience...

Is it that simple? To just sit there for days and days, looking at the same blank floor. Talk about the same things over and over until Poland got tired of even using his mouth? Cry himself to sleep when he felt weak or when he tried to give up? Is it that simple, when the person you love can die at any moment?

The doctors left without another word and the room went silent again. Did their answer give him hope? Only a little, helping him to stand one more day in this madhouse of thoughts. What would happen to him tomorrow? He did not know himself and he rather didn't want to find out.

He got up and came closer to the bed again. He leaned over and kissed Lithuania on one of his cheeks. Why did he do that? Because he loved him and he needed him back. Life without him would not be possible. He went to the window, looking outside. The sun was shining and the streets were full. What day was it? He did not remember, all of the days he spent here just merged into one never ending nightmare that he could not wake up from no matter how much he wanted to. What month was it? October... How could he tell? Because of the numerous leaves that were falling off of ever single tree he lay his eyes on. It could be November too... Maybe he will check later.

He was so concentrated on the cars that were passing on the still wet street that he did not notice that Lithuania's hand moved.

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Yo yo yo!

Is this making sense at all? I am not able to tell myself so let me know what you think of this FanFic so far! 

Eurovision anyone?