Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

The Days After

Feliks still had some hope that Toris would come back but it was useless. He looked for Toris for hours day after day but never found him. He was scared that Lithuania might end up doing something stupid or dangerous. Who knew how he actually felt inside or knew his true mental state...

He payed and hoped that Toris was alright and that he would see him again soon. At times when he felt depressed or down, he would read Lithuania's last letter to him and cry himself to sleep. He wanted to throw away that damn piece of paper so many times but he could never do it, just like throwing away the notebook which Lithuania would write in. He felt like he would be throwing away the last things that he had that would remind him of Lithuania in any way.

He once again felt lonely and helpless. Poland didn't know how to deal with the fact that Lithuania decided to leave him and leave only a letter behind. Poland knew too well how those letter would usually end and hoped that Toris was still alive.

The worry and stress was slowly eating him alive as he started to starve himself. At times, he was not physically able to eat anything as the smell of food would make him want to vomit, leaving him sick and exhausted.

He had no time to focus on his flashbacks as he barely was able to concentrate on anything in his life. After a couple of days, he decided not to get out of the house anymore. He would just sit in his room and stare at the ceiling non stop without any food or water. All of this would lead a normal human to death after only a couple of days but since Poland was a nation, much more was needed to kill him.

In general, it was very hard, almost impossible to kill a nation so Poland completely forgot to care for himself. He wanted to die because all that his life was giving him was unbearable pain.

He started to cut himself. At first he was only curious to find out how it felt but quickly made it a habit. He started to take pleasure from his own pain and managed to stay sane because of it. He would never tell anyone but he did try to take his life a couple of times. Every time he would do it, he would go unconscious for a day or two and wake up like nothing happened. That was what nations had to go through.

He still waited for Lithuania to come back or at least give him a signal that he was alright.

Poland barely managed to fall asleep and sleep through the whole night. Most of the time, he would dream about Lithuania, he would hear his voice. After that, he would wake up crying because everything was just a dream, something that would not come back.

There were no words that could be used to describe the pain that he felt not only physically but also mentally. He felt empty and could not do anything anymore.

Many days passed before he started feeling sick because of not eating almost at all. His house was a mess as he usually threw something at the wall to calm down. Too many things reminded him of his partner who he would probably never see again.

He would end up sleeping in random places and get drunk often just to forget about what he had to go through.

There was no way that he could get back to normal. But why? They were separated so many times and he would not care as much as now. Maybe he just knew that it was the last time? Maybe he knew that Lithuania was gone but he never wanted to confront it.

He still thought that Toris would come back. The Lithuanian was right, what is a year in the life of a nation? It can be quickly forgotten because they have all live for so long but he just couldn't do the same with the nation who he loved and cared for the most! Only idiots forget about their loved ones when they are gone!

But maybe... maybe it was better to forget? Maybe he really should just forget about Lithuania, about his existence and their relationship. That was what Toris wanted after all.

No! Only ignorant idiots do that. He can never do it.

But in the end, he did. He almost fully forgot about what happened. As the months passed, he managed to get the image of Lithuania out of his head for the most part. Poland just decided that it would be better for his own well being if he did so. At the same time, he hated himself for forgetting.

After a year, his life almost got back to normal. He still kept on having his normal flashbacks but they didn't scare him as much now. He still didn't much but that was mainly because of the fact that he got used to it. He still cut himself. He knew that once he got into it, not much would be able to stop him from continuing.

One day, he got up from bed and decided to clean himself up. He took a proper shower, the first one in days and finally banaged his wounds to keep them hidden. He decided to go out to the city despite that fact that he didn't want anyone to see him. He became ashamed of what he has done to himself and the way that he looked but there was not turning back now.

He grabbed his coat and got out of the house. The sun was blinding him at first as he usually kept his curtains shut to hide himself away from the world.

He walked toward the center of the city which he knew best. He felt like a prisoner inside of his own home and just had to leave it behind for a while.

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I think that the next chapter may be the last one. I'm still not sure tho so keep an eye out!