Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

The Feeling of Worry

He was woken up by the rain, gently hitting on the window. For a while, Feliks did not want to get up from the cold ground as it gave him a sense of protection and a small hope for the fact that everything that was happening in his life for the past weeks was only his pure imagination. His eyes were still closed as he prayed for all of this to be a dream. Maybe he fell asleep on the hospital floor again and Lithuania was still in a coma? No, the sounds were odd, the room smelled completely different...

He slowly opened his eyes to see Lithuania kneeling next to him, a worried expression painted on his face. He looked as if he wanted to say something but of course, he couldn't do that.

Feliks slowly sat up, he felt in pain. How long did he sleep? When did Lithuania wake up? Feliks turned his head toward the window and saw that it was getting dark. Then he tried to recall what time it was when he came to the kitchen but he couldn't. It was as if there was a hole in his memory.

After calming down, Toris hugged Feliks as best as he could and tears started to form in his eyes. Poland jumped a bit as everything that Lithuania was doing was so fast and spontaneous.

- Is everything alright? - Feliks asked confused, hugging his partner back. He still felt sleepy and tired and Toris could feel that.

No it is not! I woke up and couldn't find you at all. And then I see you passed out on the kitchen floor. God! I was so worried that something happened to you. I tried to do something but I couldn't. I wanted to call someone but then realized that I wouldn't be able to tell anyone what happened. I don't have enough strength to carry you to bed and check on you. Thank God you woke up! Don't ever do this to me ever again!

Toris managed to calm down and let go of Feliks when he was sure that his partner would not see the tear stains on his face.

- Don't worry. - Poland mumbled, his vision still a bit blurry.

Before Feliks could say anything else, Toris got up and hurried as fast as he could to their bedroom to get his notebook. He hated it but this situation required him to communicate in some way. He picked the notebook up along with a pen and came back to the kitchen. He really hoped that by now, Poland would have gotten up and sat down on a chair or something but he was wrong. Poland had no intention of getting up yet. Instead, his partner was looking at the white tiles on the floor. He felt dizzy and tired despite sleeping for God knows how long.

Toris sat back down next to Feliks and started writing something.

"I was worried! Did something happen?" He wrote with his hands still trembling. He then gave the notebook to Feliks for him to read.

It took Feliks a couple seconds to finally focus his vision and read his partner's words.

- Everything is fine. - Feliks sighed and shook his head. - It's nothing.

"I can tell something happened. Why won't you tell me?" Toris felt hurt. After all of those years... those years when he was the only person that Feliks would talk to... He didn't want to tell him what happened. Was it because Poland was scared that he would get scared and start panicking? Or maybe now that he had now voice, he didn't want him to know anything anymore?

- It's not that I don't want to tell you. - Poland felt stupid. - I just don't want you to worry. - He felt terrible. He lied to Lithuania but he forgot that his partner was very good at telling if someone was lying or telling the truth.

"Was it them again? Please, I don't want you to get hurt." Lithuania wrote as fast as he could. He had to know what exactly happened.

- Yes. Again. - Poland didn't want to talk about it anymore. - I felt so tired that I just fell asleep here. I'm fine now. - He assured Toris.

"Feliks, which time was this?"

- I don't know. Please, don't worry. I thought you got used to it after so many years.

"I am worried. I don't want you to have to go through this."

- It's fine.

"No it is not Goddamnit! You always say that but in the end it is never fine."

- Calm down. - Feliks said in a sleepy voice. - What time is it?

"18:45"

- When did you wake up? - Feliks was surprised by how late it actually was. He never expected it to be this late. How was he still tired and sleepy after sleeping for so long?

"An hour ago, maybe. I was so scared. I just found you lying on the floor and I didn't know what to do. Please tell me exactly what happened." Lithuania had to know. He wanted to find out what terrible thing forced his partner to collapse to the ground in the kitchen.

- I just came here to get a drink. Then I heard screams again... and I fell to my knees as if I couldn't control my body... Then I tried to get up but ended up collapsing. - Poland tried to recall. He didn't want to tell Toris all of this mainly because he was worried about his partner's reaction.

"Do you know what triggered it?" - Toris felt as if he was getting somewhere. Maybe now, Feliks would not refuse to tell him the whole story.

- I don't know. Even the smallest thing can trigger all of those flashbacks. I don't know how to stop it. - Poland tried to explain as best as he could. Of course, everything that he was telling his partner, Toris know already all too well. It always happened the same way: Something triggered his flashbacks, Feliks would start panicking and the collapse.

"You look pale and sick. You can't just sit here." Lithuania still felt worried as he got up. He extended his hand as if to signal Poland that he wanted to help him get up.

Poland took his hand and got up. He almost fell back but managed to maintain his balance with Lithuania's help.

- Thanks. I'm fine. - Poland said as if to tell Toris that he can let go of him now.

Lithuania refused to do it and was still holding his hand.

No, idiot! You are not and I can see that all too well. God, I never thought that I would have to pick you up from the floor ever again... This is serious Feliks. I know that for years you have tried to ignore it but now I am very sure that your realized how traumatized you are and that ignoring it won't help. Come. Just follow me and don't ask questions.

Lithuania started walking out of the kitchen, gently pulling Feliks behind him. To Toris it felt as if Feliks wasn't quite sure what was happening which was even better because he would not try to stop Lithuania.

Toris guided him through the corridor and into the bedroom once more.

Lithuania pointed at the bed in hopes that Feliks would understand that he was ordering him to go to sleep.

- I'm fine. - Feliks repeated again but agreed to lay down on the bed. Before he could assure Toris that he was fine once more, he fell asleep because of how tired he felt.

See? I tried to tell you. Don't be so stubborn because it makes me even more worried. Lithuania wanted to feel angry at Poland but could not find the will to do so. He didn't want to feel angry over something that none of them could control. Getting angry at Poland would not be fair.

Instead, Toris sat down on the bed next to Feliks and started writing in his notebook. He decided to leave him a letter for when he wakes up. Maybe then he could explain everything because he would not have to look him in the eyes.

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I was supposed to be gone to study for the finals but I guess my imagination took over... I'm happy about it though. Life is to short to worry about tests when so many bad things are happening in the world. 

Anyway, let me know what you think! I hope you enjoy and if you have any ideas/critique, feel free to write it in the comments!