Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

Tears

Feliks looked up from the notebook only when he finished reading. What was written in it made his heart break. The scribbled sentences, the way that he wrote all of this as if he tried to speak...

So much was going through his mind at the moment, he tried to resist the urge to cry. Lithuania wanted him to leave and wanted him to never think of him again. Why? Poland knew that probably nothing would ever be the same but they have to try.

Poland closed his eyes, he didn't want to look at Toris right now. He could not gather his thoughts at all. He felt scared, he didn't know what to do at all. He was close to panicking and crying.

He took a deep breath then set the notebook down on the bed covers and turned his head toward Lithuania.

- Why? - That was all that he managed to say before his throat completely refused to cooperate. He tried not to break in front of Toris because that would mean that he lost.

I wrote you already. Because I love you. Lithuania was looking back at Poland, trying to tell him what he wanted to say.

- I don't want to. - Feliks started and prayed to be able to say what he wanted. - I just don't! I didn't sit here for so many months to have to leave now. Just like you never left me when I was dying. That was why I always came back. Over and over, maybe one time too many. I don't want to see you like this, I want you to live with me just like before. I would never be able to live without you, more, forget about you! Can you not understand that? I need you! I need you more than anyone and you know it. Toris, please. Just please don't make me leave you now. You wanted me to be selfish so I am. I am saying that I cannot live without you that I need you, I don't care what you say. Is that selfish enough?! Do you think that saying all of this is so easy? - Poland's voice started to break but he decided to continue. - No, words don't want to cooperate with me at all, I cannot say what I want to because I don't know how. God! I want you to live, I want to be happy. But I want to be happy next to you. Without you, I could never be happy again. Please, let's try. It will go fine. Just please don't give up now. - Tears started falling down his face. - Please don't end your life. I know that right now you feel like it is the only solution to your problems but please believe me that it is not the way to go and it will never be. Toris please! I need to stay, I would not survive without you! The flashbacks are too much. Yes, I still have them a lot and I don't think that they will ever stop. I keep on hearing their voices, I can feel the pain in my back as if my wounds are fresh. You are the only person who can help me. I don't want to die. But if you force me to leave, I will die. I feel like the urge will just be more powerful than I am and I will die. And I would die knowing that I did not do everything for you. You stayed with me so many times an I never realized how mentally devastating it was for you. Now I understand and I don't want to leave you. I love you. - Poland could barely hear himself because of how weak his voice seemed. - I love you, okay?! I still do and nothing will change that. No matter what happens, no matter your state, I cannot leave you. I need you and you need me. Please don't try to force me to go because I won't. I didn't before and I will not do it now. Weather you like it or not. - Poland finished and closed his eyes. He felt terrible for what he had to say but he could not leave Lithuania. Not now when he woke up and they could be together again.

Feliks was crying and sobbing. He didn't care that Lithuania saw him cry. Of course he remembered how Lithuania promised to never see him cry again but it was irrelevant at the moment. 

Some time passed, Poland wasn't able to stop the tears.

He then felt Lithuania's hand on his cheek as he started to wipe off Poland's tears. His touch was calming and delicate. Poland opened his eyes and saw that Lithuania came close to him and now was looking at him, worried. Lithuania signaled him to lay down next to him as he enveloped his arms around Feliks. Feliks was still crying as he lay down with Lithuania on the hospital bed. He felt so tired yet so... calm. He then felt Lithuania's hand as he started stroking the Pole's hair as if to calm him down. As if to say that everything would be fine.

Feliks, you idiot. Please don't cry. I knew that this would end like this. Please don't cry. I really don't want to see you like this again. Feliks, I cannot be angry at you for wanting to stay but please, I wish you could think it over once more. Just please don't cry. I love you and I don't want you to cry. Lithuania wished that he could say all of that out loud as he still hugged Poland and lay with him on the small bed. He felt as if he was trying to calm down a small child who was scared of something.

I love you He mouthed the words as he kept on trying to calm Poland down, knowing that it would not be that easy and fast. Toris thought for a while of a way to show his that he loved him and finally decided to kiss Feliks on the head in hopes that it would help.

Feliks felt Lithuania kiss him on the head as he tried to force himself to stop crying but it was just too hard. He wanted to cry because of what was going on and he just hoped that the need to do so would be gone soon.

Feliks still lay there as he grew more and more tired. Before he could stop himself, he fell asleep, just like all of those other nights where he would cry himself to sleep because of how weak he felt. Toris noticed that Feliks fell asleep but did not want to wake him up. He was used to Feliks doing that and now he knew well how to act. He just had to let him sleep and wait for him to wake up. He was still stroking the other's golden hair as he himself was thinking about too many things at once to even force himself to sleep.