Hear Your Voice // Aph Lithuania x Poland

Goodbye

His hand was shaking as he tried to figure out what to write. Every time he would start writing, he would end up crossing it all out and rip the piece of paper out, crumbling it into a ball and throwing it onto the floor.

Why was it so hard for him to write? Speaking would have been so much easier but then, if he said something wrong, he wouldn't be able to take it back. Now he could. He could rip pieces of paper out as many times as he wanted and no one would even care.

"Feliks, I wish I could be as strong as you." No. That won't work. He ripped the paper out.

"I don't know what to say." He started again but ripped that out as well.

"I'm worried. I need you." No, that was even worse. Think Toris, think! You had so many ideas before and now when you finally have the chance to say what you want to say, you can't do it! Feliks was wrong, you won't get out of this alive. God!

Lithuania didn't know what to do. He was sad and angry, slowly losing all of his hope once more. At one point he wanted to give up on writing but the plan that he had in his head required an explanation. Without it, Poland would blame himself for everything.

He finally decided to write everything that was on his mind no matter what and not stop.

"Dear Feliks, I don't know what to do. When we got home, a small spark of hope was still present in my mind but when I found you on the floor, I knew that I was wrong. At times I wish I could be like you, be able to deny everything and still try to pretend to be happy... but I can't. Please don't think that I am writing this because of you. I just had to have a way to tell you everything, without having to look into your eyes and without having to see you read it all. I never had any hope in my future and it won't change. Before all of this happened, I managed to hide all of the pain that was feeling because I thought that everything would be alright but now, when I am unable to speak I know that there is no more hope left for me. Please believe me, I have tried over and over and I would have never gone this far without you. It's just that I can't try my whole life. It is not what life is about. I realized it a long time ago back when I lived with Russia but the fact that I could see you again one day was helping me believe in surviving. Now that I finally saw you I know that I can disappear. I know that it may be hard for you but at this point you must accept it. By the time that you will be reading this, I will be out of the house.

I just need to go somewhere alone. Somewhere where I can think and calm down. Maybe I should set out on a journey to find the hope that I lost so long ago? Please don't worry for me. I just have to go.

I wanted to give you a chance, I wanted you to be the one who leaves me because I knew that I would be too weak to do it myself. But now I know that I have to.

I love you so much and I always will. All of the times we spent together were priceless and I wish that I could get them back. I know that it is impossible. Feliks, I loved you for so long and I will never stop. Even though I may not be physically next to you, please know that I will always support you and help you. You are strong, you have always been and that was what made you different than everyone else. You will go through everything and I believe that you truly will be happy with someone else... with someone else.

I know that I have to go because I am only harming you. You don't need me anymore so I have to go. You will do fine no matter what stands in your way. You have been so strong every single time they tried to kill you or when they partitioned you and now you will manage as well. I am sure of that.

Please don't worry about me and be happy. I just reached a moment where I can't continue like this.

I regret going out alone that night. I don't even remember what happened after that. I do however remember everything that we did together, how happy we were and I want those memories to remain untouched by my current state.

Please start over, forget that I ever existed and just please be happy. I know it will be hard but you are too strong to get devastated by such a simple wish.

All of those flashbacks you have. You think you need my help but you don't. I will only make it worse as always. You will do fine.

If you think that I am leaving you because I am tired of having to help you then you are wrong. I wish I could stay but I can't. After you told me that you stayed in that hospital room for days and days without any rest or food I knew that I was the problem in your life and that you are too worried for me and forget what you need. Please take care of yourself. I failed to take care of you once more and now I can only leave. I can manage on my own now. I just need to figure out what to do.

When you read this, please don't panic, please don't cry. Also, please take care of yourself and don't do something stupid because I wouldn't forgive you for that.

Please live on, have a happy life and enjoy every part of it. I am still next to you.

Maybe one day our roads will cross again like all of those times before. Remember how many times were were separated from each other? And how every time that happened, we managed to find a way back? I promise that it will be this way this time as well. But in this case, I can't tell you how long it will take. But what is a year in a life of a nation? It is a mere second in their existence that can be quickly forgotten. And people can be forgotten that fast as well.

I love you. Feliks, I really do. But you will never be happy with me because even I am not happy with myself.

I love you. I love you more and any nations has ever loved a nation. And I will forever love you. But please, I wish that you stop loving me because it just causes you pain and I cannot look at that. No smile will ever help in this situation.

Please don't love me because I don't deserve to have someone like you in my life anymore. I am causing you too much pain and I should have left a long time ago. What was it, that you even saw in me? Why did you want me to be the one? I don't deserve everything that you have given me because I know that i haven't given you anything in exchange.

Please don't worry about me,

Toris"

He read it over once and ripped it out. Idiot! Think this over. Do you really want to hurt him like this? He wants to help you and you know it.

He was about to crumble it up but he stopped himself. Tears started to form in his eyes but he knew that he had to be strong. This one last time.

Toris got up and packed a very small amount of things into a backpack that he found. He then folded the letter and wrote "Feliks" on top to make sure that Poland would find it.

Toris then gently kissed his partner and went out of the room, walking down the corridor, seeing everything for the very last time. He wiped tears off of his face as he tried to scream. Lithuania tried to gather all of his strength to at least let out a scream but no sound came out. He tried again, looking at himself in the tall mirror which hung on one of the walls but he couldn't.

Before he could even allow himself to think twice, he was already putting on his shoes and opening the door.

He stepped out of the house, the rain was pouring like crazy but it was too late to turn back. The rain mixed with his tears as he walked down the street. Even the sky was crying. He wanted to get an umbrella but then realized he didn't need it, at least not anymore.

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Is this a good place to end or do you guys think that I should continue this FanFic? Did I hit you right in the feels or not yet? Hehehehe :))))