Hopeless State Of Mind

Flinch

I flinch whenever anyone goes to touch me.

I fear it's him.

The menace who lit a cigarette and set a fire to my head.
The menace in my head, no one ever sees his silhouette.
The menace who,when we met, had told me that he'd get me.

I fear I'm going to have to beg and crawl again.

I fear he's back in the shape of another human.

I fear that next time I won't be able to leave.

I flinch when someone raises their hand as though it's his fist again, picturing him kissing it before it touches my cheek.

He makes me feel so weak.

I flinch at the memories of him pinning me again a wall, screaming such degrading words in my face. I remember just wanting to get swallowed up by the ground beneath me, wishing it was a dream.

It wasn't.