Narry One Shots

20. You could poison any mind

"...dear hate
well, you sure are colorblind
your kiss is the cruelest kind
you could poison any mind
just look at mine..."

YOU COULD POISON ANY MIND

WARNING: This one-shot revolves around the topic of an eating disorder so if you're uncomfortable with this please don't read it.

3 months ago...

Look at how ugly and fat Niall is. (picture attached)

    Niall shuts his eyes tightly, his heart sinks as he scrolls down the hate blog on Tumblr. He's aware that he shouldn't be doing this, his mind is screaming to back away as this is not true, he's been told since his very first day in the music industry to avoid such pages. But he doesn't listen to wisdom and although it hurts him, he reads more...

    It started off innocently, he noticed one comment about his appearance that soon led to another one and had Niall checking the account where the hateful words were posted. He could brush it off at first, it was normal that pop stars like him received hate. However, soon he found himself paying this blog another visit. And that's when everything went downhill.

    His fingers clench on his phone, the knuckles turning white as he looks at his reflection in the mirror.

    Ugly. Ugly. Ugly. Fat. Fat. Fat. Too fat...

    He's been trying so hard to lose weight, to change something about his looks, but he cannot see any improvement. His stomach is still far from flat and definitely not muscular enough to show it off in public. But that's not the only issue as he's learned to hate every detail, every part of his body.

    Niall slowly on his trembling legs, kneels in front of the toilet. With the last glance at the letters on his screen that form the word "fat", he puts a finger into his mouth while shutting his eyes tightly. He can't believe he's going to do this, it only adds to his stupidity and the long list of things he loathes about himself. Why can't he just be normal?

3 days ago...

    He stands in front of the crowd, the lights shining brightly, the music playing loudly. He sees the tide of people with cameras in their hands and gulps. They're taking photos... He wants to cover himself, to hide his body from everyone's eyes, but he can't, after all, that's a part of his job that once brought him happiness. He whispers to himself that "it's fine", but every time his eyes land on a camera, he can only see the captions about how much weight he's gained since the last concert, describing his every flaw precisely. His voice cracks as he sings the first note and the panic washes down his body as he sends a nervous glance at the audience. He doesn't want to be here, he wishes to disappear.

3 hours ago...

    After the last performance, Niall dreads his next concert. His insecurities are coming in the way and he can't even enjoy the only thing that used to bring him joy - singing. His hands have been shaking and he almost experienced a panic attack as it hurt physically to breathe, the air becoming too thick for his lungs to take in. And he notices the worried glances his bandmates have been giving him, but whenever asked about his well being, he always responds with "I'm fine", wearing his best fake smile, but is it convincing enough?

    He tries to act naturally when he steps on stage and maybe it works, however, inside he's shattering. He's too hot and too cold at the same time, he feels lightheaded as he takes his guitar, black spots blind his vision, nevertheless, he stands in front of his microphone, facing the large crowd and greats everyone with his shaking voice, just hoping to get this over with as fast as possible.