Family

The Next Plan

(^^I know this was from two days ago but...)
MY EMISON HEART😭❤️🌍 I love them so much💕
(12th April 2018)

Ali's pov

I wake up, curled in a blanket under the grey crib. I hear my girls shuffling around the house as they get ready for school. It's been 3 months since the baby was born and I have isolated myself from the world, besides going to work and back, I have spent all my time in the empty nursery. The aching pain of mourning a baby who's alive and health, is slowly destroying me. Emily doesn't care as much as me, she is carrying on with her normal life as if nothing has happened. My eyes have turned to dust as I ran out of tears weeks ago, and they threaten to disintegrate at any moment.

Emily's pov

Alison and I haven't spoken much since the loss of our son. Ali is moping around the house while I try to be brave for the both of us, someone has to look after Lily and Grace and Alison has forced that role on me. Tomorrow is our "Fat Friday" at the brew however, it's highly unlikely that we will be attending. Spencer, Hanna and Aria have visited us multiple times in the months following; although they have done little to help because there is no solution for the grief we are facing.
We have both fallen into different ways to deal with this loss; Alison has been living in the nursery and for the first week she didn't get out of bed, not even to get food. I on the other hand have been over inducing myself in chores giving me no time to think about our loss, except from the 2 hour run I have now forced into my morning schedule.

Ali's pov

I look over to the blue teddy bear -which is matted from be soaked in my tears- as lullabies play from the mobile that Aria bought us; I
re-read the card she wrote us 'I'm forever in debt for what I did to you. For your gorgeous boy I gift him the everlasting sound of music. With sincere apologies, Aria x'. Dry tears threaten to fall down my cheeks before I burry my face in my hands. I pull my hands down my face before I take one last sniff while placing the teddy into the crib.

"Do you want me to take them to school?"

"It okay, I've been taking them for the last three weeks anyway. You know since you've been walking to work to avoid me" I snarl

"Can I please take them to school?" 

"Why don't we both go?" Emily says, unable to stay angry at me

"I'd like that" I smile, successfully concealing my heartbreak

Emily's pov

"I'd like that" Alison smiles between tears, she looks how I feel; broken

"Grace! Lily! Come on we need to go or you will be late"

Ali's pov

I come home from a long day at work and I walk past the nursery, I push open the door to look in one last time and notice that it is not empty. Sat on the floor is Emily, she has her feet firmly against the floor and her arms embrace her legs as her head falls between her knees

"Emily. Are you okay?" I ask, sliding onto the floor next to her

"No I'm not. I would ask if you are but I already know the answer" she quietly mutters against her legs

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap

"Nothing. It's just that it's been three months and we haven't spoken about anything. Plus you aren't good at hiding your feelings" Emily says, raising her head

"So I guess it's pretty obvious that we both feel shit"

"Yep" she sighs, stretching out her legs and grabbing onto a fabric letter block

"Emily, we need to work together to move on"

"I know, but it's difficult"

"Do you still want a baby?" I anxiously ask

"Of course I do. But I also don't want to feel like we are replacing him"

"Em, I've been thinking about that. We have been facing difficult circumstances and I feel bad for saying this although it is the truth" I blabber

"We never became mothers. We have never actually had a baby boy. Just because we were close to having a son before his bitch of a mom kept him; does not mean that we cannot adopt another baby"

"Maybe we shouldn't adopt" Emily says, slowly placing the 'ABCD' block onto the floor

"What? I thought you still wanted a son?"

"I do. Alison, I was frightened to suggest this but what if we get a sperm donor and have our own baby"

"Really? Who would have the baby?"

"That's what I've been thinking about. Lily and Grace are obviously as much your daughters as they are mine. Although I do know that occasionally your inner gremlins come out and you struggle with the idea that A.D. used my eggs to inseminate you" Emily pauses and holds onto my hands

"I was wondering what you would think of using a surrogate? We could get a sperm donor, both of our eggs and we would never know which one of us is the biological mother" Her eyes glimmer with a saddening smile of hope

A smirk forms across my face. This morning I would never have believed that I would be able to overcome the hurdle life just threw at us however, after a short conversation with my brunette angel; I can finally see the light at the end of a tunnel. I have never been religious however, if there is a god I now believe that he has a plan and his plan is for either Emily or I to bring a new life into this world.

"I would love that" I smile, pulling Emily into a hug

"I love you Alison"

"I love you too"