When All is Lost One is Found

Chapter 74: Enough: Part 2

When All is Lost, One is Found

Author: Rinoaebastel

Chapter 74: Enough: Part 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and gain no profit from this fanfiction other than writing practice. JK Rowling owns Harry Potter.

AN: This story may contain scenes taken from the Harry Potter movies and books, but it's not exact dialogue, just rewording of dialogue or omission. It is not marked.

Merlin damn it. . . He wanted to be enough. . .

He tried to use his rational mind to deny those words. He'd never felt the need to be anything to anyone. At least, not since Lily. Right now, Dumbledore and the Dark Lord were using him, but he didn't feel he had to do it for them. Lily. Lily was whom he still lived for, yet had never been enough for.

But in a short time, that had changed. A little brown-haired witch had taken a spot in his life as well.

No, she hadn't taken it. He'd given it to her bit by bit. She unselfishly came into his life.

And that wasn't a good thing. He didn't need attachments to this life. He didn't want to feel this way.

He growled, the noise echoing through the area. He smashed his fist against his office door, throwing it open.

A yelp reached his ears and he scanned the room to find the source that dared to enter without the decency of getting an appointment.

She was there, leaning against a table. Her eyes were red and the skin underneath them slightly swollen. Her cheeks were flushed and she had a handkerchief in her right hand. He stiffened his legs to remain in his spot and stifled the desire to cross the distance and embrace her. That kind of behaviour, no matter how this relationship had developed into a friendship, would be unacceptable.

He turned to the door, shut it, and warded it. He cast a silencing charm for safety before turning back to her. Her eyes never stopped staring at him. He pushed back a desire to scold her for the tears, a reflex from his cold, evil professor side. She'd been through enough without him saying anything to her.

She moved her arms around herself, as if trying to hug her own body, and looked away from him. She focused down at the floor, and he waited for her to speak.

He took a few steps closer, moving over to his desk to sit on the corner of it.

"I'm sorry to come down here again without asking but—" She hiccupped and took in a huge gulp of air.

"Stop apologizing," he said. "I told you, I'm here for you. As an equal." A tinge of guilt hit him for being angry she was there. But how was she? His wards should've gone off the moment she set foot in... He ran his ward through his mind and realized he'd made it so she could enter if she needed.

He cursed to himself, and focused on her.

"I'm so pathetically weak."

"You aren't weak, and stop being stupid. Just because that red-haired dullard isn't here doesn't mean you have to take up his role."

She looked at him and gave a brief chuckle. "I wonder if I'm really not that much of a dullard."

He almost laughed that she referred to Weasley as that as well. "You are not. It takes a special amount of skill to be that stupid. Both of them would be dead by now if not for your intelligence. You know that."

"Harry is better than me with potions, so I should start doubting my intelligence. Maybe he should be in your class instead of me."

"So Slughorn says," he replied, causing her to look up. "The man couldn't even react in time to get a bezoar down Weasley's throat. I wouldn't trust his opinion."

"But..."

"Developing the skill that Slughorn is praising is impossible for that boy in such a short amount of time. I was Potter's teacher, so I know his skill level. I know you might not want to hear it, but it's clear he is cheating somehow." He made no effort to hide the distaste in his voice. He knew she didn't approve of his view of Potter, but understood why he held it.

She nodded and he looked away from her. He hated seeing her so vulnerable. A warm caress crossed one of his folded arms and he had to contain a breath when he felt it. So different from the woman he once loved, so enthralling that it made him want to run away.

The insane desire to show her an equal gesture overwhelmed his anger, making it fade away to a forgotten corner of his soul. He would've done so if it didn't make him muse on other things. Things he could never have no matter what he did. Not just because of his vow to Lily, but because his fate was under the control of two wizards. One would cause him to be an outcast and eventually die, or the other would just kill him when he was no longer needed. Those two possibilities were always lingering over him.

This witch was more powerful than she thought. In more than just magic. She was making him forget important matters. Matters he'd had to keep at the forefront of his mind for so long that he thought they were sewn into his very being.

Turns out, she had the power to tear out those stitches and lay his insides bare.

And he couldn't allow that.

He took a deep breath and exhaled. "Things will become normal again. You have my word," he said, proud at how steady his voice came out.

He looked at her and his stomach twisted at the hope and trust her eyes showed to him. Those feelings and that promise were the only things he could ever give her.

He could vow to give her a life, but that was a promise he could never guarantee. He could only vow to try, so he did that.

It would have to be enough.

AN: What can I say...? Someone expected this? Her break, the place of comfort she seeks...His support, his decisions. Let me know what you think and see you on Saturday!