hazel eyed boy [noah schnapp]

31

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monday

i was still having doubts on noah. i mean, he was tricked into melissa's trap so easily, who knows if it could happen again?

noah

y/n: i need space before we talk again, 

post traumatic stress, yk

noah: understood, you must be unbelievably 

strong to put up with.. him

y/n: i just kinda got used to it, but thank you

for the compliment and space

i decided im gonna stay home for 

a few before returning to school

noah: hope you're well

good luck

end of convo

i think y'all know what to do now ;)

yeah

i sighed and switched my phone off and sighed, flopping onto my bed. 

remember when i used to be happy for you?

i wondered if right now, noah was talking to melissa again, falling right back into her trap.

remember when you used to be happy for me?

if that was happening, at least tony  wasn't added to the mess. but my friends would stop noah from doing that, right?

now it's like we're scared of getting good

would it be like before - before melissa got in between us? or would it be different, more strained and awkward?

yeah we know that we might actually work

i should at least give it a shot. who knows? and we clicked once we met. we were so similar...it happened once, it could happen again.

that's bringing out the worst in you

maybe i have to make more of an effort - maybe that's why i'm worried melissa and noah are back - because i'm not trying hard enough.

but the best in me wants to love you

i know, deep inside, i really care for noah, and i don't want him to go through all that melissa shit all over again.

why am i so confused? i want to be friends with him again, but i'm afraid of what might happen again...our friendship is strained enough.

it's almost like i've gotten so used to resentment

maybe i was getting these thoughts from tony...getting to close to someone hurted me once, and could happen again.

when i don't always react the way you expect

noah probably thought i wanted to go straight back to being friends again, but i didn't. i wanted space. i needed space.

yeah we know that we might actually work

i turned to the photo i found in my locker - the one with all of us in it. i had taken it home and gotten it framed after the snowball.

but maybe it's the worst in me

i sighed and pushed it down, so i couldn't see the photo anymore. 'stop it' i said to myself. stop worrying about it.

but the best in me wants to love you

i looked down at my phone and clicked the home button to switch it on. 

but the worst in me doesn't want to

my thumb hovered over the call button in noah's contact.

and baby i won't lose you again

i bit my lip as i struggled to decide; should i call him or not? i needed to fix things but i didn't want to go through the fuss right now.

but maybe it's the worst in me

i groaned in frustration and threw my phone across my bed. what is going on?

 i know we could fix these kinks

i lay down and rubbed my temples, what do i do?

doesn't want to work on things

i made up my mind. i walked out the door and started running, as fast as i could.

but the worst in me doesn't want to

i kept running, trying to forget about every worry and thought. i ran all the way to the cinema. 

i had become quite good friends with the cashier, so she let me sneak in to watch a film.

i sat at the back as i watched the film; a romance film. i tried to hold back my tears but it was too much to handle.

but the worst in me doesn't want to

i burst into tears, and i stayed like that even after the credits started rolling, hugging myself.

... 

thursday

i decided to get back to school asap, so i went on thursday. i took a deep breath and stepped into homeroom.

caleb's eyes widened. "you're back" he says. i smile and nod. i hesitate for a moment before leaning over from my desk to caleb.

"i thought you were gonna stay at home for a while" he says. i shook my head. "i changed my mind, i don't want to be seen as vulnerable"

caleb frowns. "but you have been through an extremely tough time recently, you get that right? it's not normal for, really anyone, to go through that"

he says, concerned. i nodded, seeing that he had a point. "yeah, but i think i'm fine now, i don't want to take too much time off school"

"i don't know why, but i can't be around noah right now. can you help me... i don't want to seem mean or anything... avoid him?"

i ask quietly, afraid of his reaction. caleb frowns but then looks likes he understands my situation, agreeing.

"okay, i'll help you until you're ready"

i thought this sentence meant that he would help me until i was ready to face him again, but it meant something different. 

something completely different.

lol sorry this chapter is kinda shorter but i am having slight writer's block atm (dw, i'll figure it out) also didn't want you guys waiting too long soo

hope ya enjoyed !