Letting Go

Thanksgiving

I remember thanksgiving as one of my favorite holidays with you. We went to your mom's house; it was the day I met her. She wasn't too fond of me, but lately I think I've grown on her.

You made the turkey, your mother had made the potatoes and the stuffing, and I made a disastrous pie.

We sat awkwardly in the lavender dinning room waiting for someone to break the silence. Her house was always so decorated. The purples and greens tied together well with the lilies that she always had around. The green rug that lay in the living room didn't really do much good; by the way she finally got rid of it.

"So Ella, I understand that you just got out if school, any plans for the future?" Your mom thought I was a failure. That's okay though, I kind of am.

"No, Ms. Thomas. I haven't really looked into work that far from what I do now. I'm satisfied with where I am in life, I don't think I'll be concerned about that for a while." I was lying through my teeth.

"Oh, I see. Well, Evan has big plans for his future. He's going into the music business." She squawked and rolled her eyes. Like I didn't know that, I saw you everyday.

"Yeah, he told me. I'm proud of him. He's come far." I said as I grabbed your hand and smiled.

"Yeah, far from the basement. Hahaha." She exhaled

"Your son is very talented. I think he does great. I love hearing him play." I tried my best not to punch her in the neck rolls.

"Can we please not do this now?" Your gentle voice always brought me back to my sanity.

"Sorry love." I whispered and went to the restroom.

Who did she think she was. I mean, sure she's 'a different person' now, but then? How dare she? Who talks about their own child like that? I was deep in thought when you came and knocked on the door.

"Ella? Are you okay sweetheart?" You hummed. Oh god, how I miss that.

I pulled the door open and pulled you in my arms. You closed the door and we stood there for a while. I sobbed into your shoulder as you rubbed my back.

"I'm so sorry." I mumbled.

"You have no reason to be. It's not your fault, okay beautiful?"

"Okay."

I still blame myself a bit for everything. I can't help but to think of a place where things played out differently. Oh, how I wish things played out differently.

After thanksgiving with your mom, we vowed to never go there for it again, and hugging in the bathroom was a tradition before eating.

To bad you didn't stay long enough to keep the tradition alive.