Ring Me Randomly - LS

13: Thirteenth Call

"Take a deep breath," Harry instructed. "A very deep one, then let it all out."

I followed his instructions and breathed. My chest squeezed painfully with each inhalation, and I accidentally let out a sob. Harry sighed.

"You can do this, Lou. Try again."

I repeated my actions a few times until my breathing was even again. Harry didn't say a word, quietly listening to my breaths.

"Are you ready?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I don't know, Haz."

"You don't have to force yourself to read it. There's always a next time."

"No, no," I shook my head. "I have to read it. Before the wedding, at least."

"... Alright, it's all up to you. I'm here."

I took one last deep breath before taking the envelope in my hands. I didn't realised they were shaking until I tried to tear off the envelope's edges.

Harry remained silent, which I appreciated. I loved how thoughtful and understanding he was. If he was here right now, I'd probably give him the best hugs and kisses I could give.

If only.

"I'm gonna read it." I told Harry.

"Okay..." He sounded nervous.

I was, too, but I maintained my breathing as I read the first word.

Dear Louis,

Tears were already gathering in my eyes and I haven't started reading yet. I roughly wiped them away and tried to stay focused on my mother's handwriting.

I know this is very sudden, and if you're reading this, it's probably already too late.

Please forgive me for not telling you. I never wanted to hurt you like this. When you were a child, you were always crying after your father left us, and I thought to myself, knowing I didn't want to see you crying and hurting like that anymore. Seeing you happy, I couldn't bear to watch you break down again if you knew what was happening to me. I didn't want to hurt you. I hope you'll understand.

As your mother, I'm proud to see what you've become. You've matured and grown into a handsome young man. You're talented, funny, smart and amazing. I'm very proud of you, my son.

"It's okay to cry." Harry said lowly when he heard me whimpering sadly.

It hurt. My heart hurt.

I may be gone, but remember I'll always be here with you. I'll always look after you, so don't be afraid. You're not alone because I'll be here.

Whatever happens, Louis, promise me you'll stay strong. Promise me you'll hold on. Cry when you need to, find the love of your life, and most importantly - LIVE.

I love you, my dearest son.

Your mum, always.