Dreams of My Past (COMPLETED)

Chapter 51 - Caitlyn Williams

Caitlyn pov.

Caitlyn Williams.

She is Alesandra's biological mother. The ex-wife of Diego and mother of Adam. Little did they know that she too is a product of an abusive mother and a dysfunctional family. Her mother left her when she was a kid and was reunited again when she was a teen. 

She was incarcerated because of what she has done to her own daughter Alesandra and Adam. No one even came to visit her.

But when Diego decided to see her in jail, his words were spat out with the ferocity and rapid of machine gunfire. Without wiping the spit from her ashen face she leaned closer, perfectly composed, and uttered just three words, " I don't care." His fuse simmered and fizzed like a firework in a chill autumn breeze, then he exploded with unrestrained fury. She remained as still as a cadaver and just as pallid, unblinking against his onslaught. Then with a barely concealed smirk, she turned on her heels and walked away as if strolling in the park on a fine day.

But the truth is Caitlyn felt nervous at the mere sight of him.

He never argued with his fist but his words packed with a powerful punch. Carefully spoken, without drama, his words have an air of finality to her. And she knew nothing would change his mind.

That was the very last time she saw her husband.

Caitlyn.. her life. her family. her whole being and why she's so mean to Alesandra, her own daughter.

The story of Caitlyn and why she struggles with cocaine.

They say bad parent was a traumatized child, caught in the fires of their own suffering, their thoughts more hurricane than chaotic souls. I guess that's right. In that exists a road of forgiveness, a way to see the bigger picture and move on with your own soul intact, head held up high. When we see it with our own mistakes, we can learn to heal, learn to love anew, and be an individual
we uphold in a way that is deep and calm. Then we can become good parents and start a new cycle of life that is loving, healthy, and plant a good seed in the rotten wood and watch the new spring grow and shapes their own happiness.

Why...

I know I am a bad parent, I never meant to be. I wonder if it's just what happens when you take a love that strong and mix it up with ambition and fear. Like every decision ever made, they are based on a combination of the facts at hand and the personality involved. My own mother.

Looking back...

My mother is one of a kind and I don't mean it in a good way. Being a single mum would make you think that she'd put her child first but for my Mum, it was the complete opposite. She was so wrapped up in herself she'd almost forget I exist. I always had to be her judge on what's she wears and how she looks. It gets tiring and definitely embarrassing walking around with a mother that looks like a 50-year-old wannabe model. We are not rich and money does not grow on trees. 

I remember when I was seven or eight, and I am seated at the kitchen table, covered with an oiled table cloth, there is no morning feast. No bacon or never any meat because she said those are things that cost too much money.

In quiet moments you come to me, ghost-like, a shadow of who you were. When I am calm the specter is kind, you laugh and I recall the times I felt like you loved me. But always there is the knowledge you never did. You gave me away like I was something you were glad to be free of, not caring about my feelings, about how my story unfolded. In that cold stare, you bade me farewell more coldly than a bank clerk and that's when I knew.

Your face was passive, untroubled at the parting. After all those years, I expected more. You fought harder to keep the family dog than I. You get more upset at a grocery store error. So why do you still haunt me? I want to forget you but apparently, that isn't my lot in life.