MIXED EMOTIONS

27. EXHAUSTED

I was tired of looking up at ceiling and crying every second. I wasn't able to get any sleep last night and been zoning off and over thinking everything. It was like I had insomnia.

I got up and made the my bed. I felt like going running or something. There was a nearby park, so I decided to just go there.

I freshened up a little and threw on some running gear. I put my headphones in my ear and selected a song. I was tying my shoes when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw Charles standing over me in his work uniform, frowning.

"Yeah?" I asked taking my headphone out my ear.

"What are you doing up so early?" He asked, still frowning.

"Going for a run."

"This early? You never get up this early." ...Yeah, but apparently now I have insomnia, I thought.

"I know, I'm just not sleepy." I shrugged.

"Hmm," He looked squinted at his watch. "It's almost six o'clock. New record . You don't even wake up this early for school."

I chuckled. It was early. I hadn't even bothered to look at the time.

"Be safe out there. The sun's coming up, so it won't be too dark out there."

I nodded. "I will." He patted me on the back and said, "See you later, Kiddo." and we headed out the door going separate ways.

I felt so much better after my run. So much lighter. I was able to think clearly about what's been going on. Of course, I cried. I couldn't help but cry when I passed Kristian's house.

I cried about my dad putting his hands on me. I cried about how broken my mother was. About Jayden. And especially about Lexi. I felt sorry for her actually.

Her decisions costed her a best friend who's been here for her no matter what. I could never see myself doing the same thing to her, that she did to me. It's just not me. I loved her too much as a friend to do that. I respected her too much.

I quickly got back to the soon and took my cheerleading duffle bag and drove to practice. I was cheesing throughout practice, actually. I was voted Captain and Camille was voted Co-Captain. And of course, I was happy for her too.

Camille and a few girls on the squad went to Bob Evan's for breakfast. Not once did I think about my situation. Not my dad, Krisitan or Jayden and Lexi sneaking around behind my back. I just enjoyed my time with the team and felt pretty carefree.

******

I parked my car in the drive way, next to my father's car. What was he doing here? I didn't want to see him or speak to him. I opened the door with the duffle bag on my shoulder.

Then I saw him. I scowled at the sight of him. He disgusted me.

Him and my mother were sitting in the living room. "Morning, Ma." I said not bothering to acknowledge my father's existence. I put my duffle bag on the floor and plopped down on the couch to one of the love seats.

I closed my eyes and slumped on the couch. My muscles were tired now from all the running plus from practice. My father cleared his throat. "Chanel."

I didn't respond.

"Chanel, I want to talk to you..." He started.

"Talk about what? We have nothing to talk about." I shrugged. My mother piped in, "Chanel, just hear him out. Okay?"

I exhaled loudly. "Okay. I'm listening."

"Chanel, I've been trying to reach you these past few weeks and you return any of my calls. I wanted to apologize for what happened." I rolled my eyes.

"And why don't I answer or return your calls? Why do you think?" I snapped.

He sighed. "I know we left on a bad note, but-"

"A bad note? You call back-handing your own daughter is being left on 'bad note'?"

"And I apologize for putting my hands on you, Chanel."

I sucked my teeth. "Apology not accepted." My mother gave me a pleading look. But I couldn't just let him think it was okay to put his hands on me like that.

"You're so caught up in Melanie and everything she does. You listen to her nag in you ear about me all the time and you never say anything. Nothing!"

He stood up quickly. "I'm still your father and you're not going to talk to me like that. You're-"

"-disrespectful and spoiled." I finished his sentence. "Yeah, yeah. That's what you always say when you don't wanna hear the truth and how I feel."

I could tell I was pushing his buttons. He was getting angrier and furious by the second. But I didn't care. I needed to say what I had to say, whether he liked it or not. What's he gonna do? Slap me again? Yeah, I don't think that's possible. Not again.

"I came here to apologize and make things right, but all you wanna do run your mouth about things you don't know about."

"What don't I know about? Every time I go over there, she has something to say when it's not needed. She's rude and ignorant. I always hear here nagging to you about how I'm this, or I said this. Or how she doesn't like me. And how she calls me a spoiled brat every time I come over and her little friends or over there. And you NEVER say ANYTHING. Not once. You know why? Cause you're selfish and egotistic. You don't care and you never had. Ever since she came along, that was all you had time for. Then she's pregnant? Was I supposed to be happy about that? Jump up for joy? Now y'all gonna be a family now, huh? Well, exclude me cause I don't want to be a part it. I don't want anything to do with you or her." I yelled on top of lungs, that I was pretty sure the whole neighborhood could hear me.

A stunned Charles had walked in and I hadn't even noticed.

I didn't bother wiping the tears that were cascading my cheeks. I turned to leave, then stopped and looked my father in the face.

"And if you ever think about putting your hands on me again..." I chuckled. "Well, you know, don't drop the soap."

And with that I left the living room with my mother, Charles and that sorry excuse of a father looking stunned and mouths hung opened. I saw tears flowing down my mother's cheek and Charles patting her back. I wished so badly to go over there and apologize for my outburst but I couldn't. I couldn't look at my father's face right now.

I slammed down my bag on the bed and searched my phone when I got to room. I was shaking. I was crying uncontrollably and couldn't stop. I turned on my phone to see twenty missed calls from Jayden and Lexi. I set my pone down.

I needed someone to talk to. Someone who would listen while I vent. I picked my phone to see Jayden calling me. Normally, I wouldn't answer. But this time I did.

I felt like I could hurt somebody right now.

I heard him stammering on the phone, begging me to forgive him. But I wasn't hearing it. I didn't want to hear it. I hung up and when he called again, I went crazy.

"STOP FUCKING CALLING ME!" I yelled in the phone and threw it across the room. I didn't care. I felt so angry. Beyond words. I took my frustration and stress out on the phone.

I slipped down the wall and cried and cried, until I couldn't anymore.

**************************

This was so intense... even for me! Lol.

1) Do you think Chanel's dad was wrong?

2) Did Chanel take it too far?

3) Could Chanel's mom have spoken up about the situation or was she right for letting Chanel fight her own battles and express herself in the way she did, in order for her father to listen?

I really want to know what you guys think and you insight of this story :) Don't be afraid to comment either!

Thanks to all my readers! Even the silent ones! COMMENT/VOTE/SHARE!

AND I'M ALSO THINKING ABOUT CHANGING THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK! IF YOU HAVE ANY IDEAS AND SUGGESTIONS, DON'T BE AFRAID TO SHARE THEM!!!!!!