MIXED EMOTIONS

11. MISSING YOU

two weeks later...

    It's been about fourteen days since my break up with Jayden and I feel completely exhausted. He hasn't called, and neither have I. I've been like the walking dead ever since. Hung out with a few people, slept, and ate and that's it. Not really much of anything. 

I actually really miss Jayden. I find myself wanting him and thinking about him every second. This is harder than I thought.

I'm still steering clear of Charles and my mother most of the time. My father has called a few times. Sometimes I pick up, at times I don't. He only talks about my Senior year in high school and how I need to keep those grades up. He didn't need to tell me. I knew I had to if I wanted to go to Parsons in the fall. 

I was a straight A student at Jefferson High School... Well, almost except for the one 3.8 GPA I got my Junior year. But I doubt it'll minimize my chances. I got a pretty good shot.  

He also reminds me that I need to pick up some cash to go back-to shopping, since It didn't go as planned last time. That's when I caught Jayden in his little act. 

He tried to convince me into going with Melanie, his girlfriend saying it would be a good bonding experience. As if. I turned down his offer, of course. I didn't need the unnecessary company. 

I went down to the kitchen to grab something to eat before I left. As soon as I saw my mother already in the kitchen, I quickly turned to leave, but she stopped me. 

"Well, Good morning to you too" she said, with sarcasm in her voice. 

I gave her a quick small meaningless smile. "Morning." I opened the fridge and grabbed an apple, deciding to grab some coffee on my way to my dad's.  

"So, why are so dressed up? Where you headed to?" she asked, while taking out a carton of eggs out the fridge. 

"Back-to-school shopping," I responded "With Lexi maybe..." My words trailed off when I realized a look of sadness and disappointment swept across her face. We stood there for a second and she broke the silence. 

"Oh, that's nice. You're ready for your Senior year?" This is when I realize my mother was trying to make small talk with me. But why? This was unusual. If she's not screaming on top of her lungs about how I'm a problem child, she's at work or dealing with her own issues that doesn't concern me. 

My mother and I are used to ignoring each other so this pretty awkward to actually talk to her. 

The conversation was making me feel uneasy so I excused myself out of the kitchen. "Um, I have to go. Be back later." 

I hurried out of the house and dialed Lexi's number. She picked up on the first ring. "You miss me that much?" I asked through the phone. She laughed. "Heck, no! I was just about to make a call and you interrupted." 

I laughed too. "Liar. You know you miss me." I continued, "You in the mood for shopping today?" 

I heard a grunt come from the other end of the phone. "Is that a yes or no?" She sighed, making another muffled sound. "I can't. I wish I could but I have to babysit this little thing, I call 'brother'." 

"I guess I'm a loner for the day, huh?" I said more to myself than Lexi. 

"Guess so. Sorry boo." We said our goodbyes and I knew I had to Kristian to see if will accompany me or decline. 

Unlike Lexi, he picked up on the third ring. Guess he didn't miss me as much. 

"What's up, Chanel?" He beamed. This made me smile. 

"Hey, you busy today?" I asked, hoping he wasn't. 

"Nope. Why?" 

"You want to head to the mall with me?" I answered, turning on my dad's street. He didn't respond for a second then said, "Nah..." 

"Why? Thought you said you weren't busy." I was more than disappointed that he turned down my offer. "I am, I just don't want to go shopping with you..." Now my feelings were hurt. I was a little too hopeful that he would want to go with me. We haven't seen each other in the past two weeks, even though he lives down the street and supposedly my best friend. 

"Oh..." Was all I could make out. 

"You know I didn't mean it like that." I replied. When I didn't say anything he continued. "It's just kinda weird you know? I was forced way too many times to go with my mom ad know how that went." He let out a little chuckle, and so did I. 

"It's fine, you don't have to go." Even though it really wasn't fine. I didn't want him to feel forced. 

"Are you sure?" I nodded as if he could see me. "Yeah, it's fine." 

I disconnected the call feeling disenchanted. I've never felt so lonely than these past few weeks. I'm all by myself. 

I reached my father's house and used my key to get inside, instead of waiting for someone to come to the door. 

I walked in and noticed Melanie outside the backyard on the patio along with four other women I didn't recognize. I stepped outside to the patio, to ask her about my father's whereabouts. 

"Where's my dad?" I asked. She reared her head back as if I just offended her or something. "Excuse you?" 

"So rude." One of her friends muttered under her breath. 

I repeated myself. "I said, where is my father?" Melanie smacked her lips. "I heard you. You can't say hello to adults?" 

I laughed, but I was also serious. I had no time to waste. Especially not on her. "No, where is he?"

"He just left. He said your money is upstairs in your bedroom, on top of the dresser." She responded, rolling her eyes while her friends continued to curse me under their breaths and how rude these kids nowadays were. 

The more I'm around Melanie, the more I wonder my father chose her. My father was good-looking man. If he managed to to catch my mother's attention, and dispite how angry I am with her, I can admit that she is a very beautiful and attractive women. Most people would say I was a spitting image of her. Which I kinda agree with. So he could do better. Soo much better. 

I grabbed the money and headed out and met my father outside parking his car in the driveway. "Hey, baby girl." He greeted.

I gave him a tight lipped smirk. I was still resistant towards him.  "Hey, dad. Thanks for wiring me a little something." 

"No problem sweetheart." He kissed me on the forehead. Unlike my mother, I didn't get an uneasy feeling talking to him.

"Why haven't you come to visit me? You to grown for your pops?" I smiled. "No, I've been busy. Worrying about school and stuff." He and I both know this is a lie to why I didn't come over the past few weekends. 

"Maybe you can swing by next weekend." 

I wasn't sure if I was ready to be in his presence or forgive for not calling me and for acting like I'm his last concern. And being around Melanie wasn't my idea of a fun weekend. 

He sensed my hesitation and said, "Come on, I haven't seen you in forever. Melanie and I want you to come over for dinner-"

"Melanie?" I said with disgust. "I don't want to be around her." 

"Chanel, C'mon! She likes you a lot. We would love it for you to be here next weekend." That was such a lie. 

"What's so special about next weekend, anyway?" I was curious. 

"Nothing. I just want to spend some time with my daughter." He kissed me again on the forehead and we parted with me agreeing to coming over. 

I didn't know what it was but it was something about next weekend that seemed extra urgent for me to be there. I guess I'll find out soon.