Always (E.D)

Chapter Thirty-One

-Ethan's POV-

I was going out of my mind. Out of my mind for her. I needed to know; what made her feel this way? Why couldn't she talk to me? What was she feeling right now? I needed to see her and talk to her. I just needed to hear her voice to set me at ease.

I put on shoes and drove over to her house. I panicked all the way there.

When I reached her house I got out of my car I walked over to the front door and looked under the mat. The spare key was still there. I unlocked the door and put the key back. I walked up to her room while butterfiles attacked my stomach. I didn't hear anything... Her door was wide open.

I saw a passed out Remi on the bed. I looked across her room where a spotted a broken mirror. There were glass shards on the ground and the mirror and drops of blood on it. I inhaled sharply. I saw a peice of paper with my name on it. I walked over to his desk and picked it up.

I unfolded the peice of paper and read its contents.

Dear Ethan,

I'm writing this to you to let you know three things. One, I'm not okay, you were right. Two, I love you very much and I'll continue loving you. And three, I hope you can forgive me for everything I've put you through.

When I got home I realized something, I'm really, really, really, not okay. And I think you know exactly why. I know I promised that I wouldn't listen to what other people say and that I would be strong. But, I just can't. What they say gets to me. I know they just want it to be like that but sometimes you can't help but feel like...maybe they're right. Maybe what they say could be true. I hope with all my heart it isn't true, but something in the back of my mind tells me it is. I also promised I would be strong, but how can I be strong when all I am is weak? I can act strong and act like I'm okay, but that's acting, pretending. I'm not strong. I can get broken in a heartbeat.

I really do love you. I'm sorry I snap at you sometimes. I just get so upset and angry. That's no excuse but it's all I can say. I hope you can love me back as much as I love you, no matter what the circumstances are. I love you more than anything. I'm sorry I push you away sometimes.

I hope you can understand where I coming from. I'm not the person you think I am. You think I'm smart, strong, and everything like that. But I'm the opposite. I'm sorry I'm not who you want me to be.

-Remi

I didn't even notice tears were coming out of my eyes until some dropped on the paper. I set the paper down and looked at my girlfriend. She was shifting around. Her eyes opened and she looked around. She saw me and her eyes widened.

"When and how did you get here?" She asked.

"I got here a couple minutes ago and I drove here." I told her avoiding eye contact with her.

"Why?" She asked.

"Cause. I just...wanted to see you...I guess." I shifted my feet around.

"Well, I don't wanna see you." She laid back down.

"Why? What did I do?" I asked her.

She got up. "It's me, not you. You did nothing. It's me messing everything up which is why you need to get away from me."

"No. Remi, you aren't pushing me away from you. We've gotten so close to only break apart and it's not fair." I told her.

"I don't care about fair. I care about you. And you should be far away from me." She tried pushing me out of the room. I wasn't budging.

"I don't need to be far away from you. We're supposed to be in everything togther." I reminded her. "What happened to always?"

"Always doesn't mean forever." She said crying and getting angry.

"Yes it does. It means at all times. And I said I'd love you always. You told me the same. So don't push me away." I told her.

"Can't you see?! I'm broken! How can you love something that's broken?!" She asked.

"Kinda like this.." I leaned in and kissed her lips. She kissed back but pulled away.

"Remi, if I didn't love you I wouldn't be fighting for you to stay with me." I added.

"I don't care! You have to get away!" She yelled pushing me. I grabbed her and carried her to her bed.

I sat her down next to me. "Remi, no one has to get away."

"But you do. Why would you wanna stay and be in this?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"That's not a good answer."

"I don't need a good answer to prove that I wanna stay with you, Remi. You can forget about your worries of me leaving."

She put her fingers through her hair. Thats when I saw her wrist clearly. I grabbed it.

It was red and bloody. Glass was sticking out.

"Baby I..." I trailed off. I couldn't find the words.

"I punched the mirror... I'm really sorry. I couldn't do it. I was really upset." She told me.

"Well, you can't just leave it like that." I told her. I grabbed the hand the wasn't injured and pulled her to the bathroom.

"You got tweezers?" I asked. She nodded.

"Up there" She pointed to a cabinet that had a blue container in it. I pulled out the container and took out the tweezers.

She took a deep breath as I removed the peices of glass from her wrist. Next I put her  wrist under water to wipe all the blood off.

I turned the water off and dried her wrist off. She stared at me the whole time. I looked at her she looked away. I brought her eyes back up to mine. She knew exactly what I was going to do so she did it first. She kissed my lips softly. I stroked her cheek. She pulled away.

"I love kissing you." She muttered. I chucked a little.

"I love kissing you too." I told her. "It doesn't have to stop."

"It does. You're only gonna get hurt." She told me.

I shook my head not believing any of it. "What if I don't care? What if I wanna be with you so much, I don't care about getting hurt?"

"Then you're stupid." She answered.

"Then I'm in love."  I corrected.

She sighed. I couldn't tell if it was a giving in sigh or an I have enough of you sigh.

"I guess...not stopping what we have...isn't such a bad idea. But if you get hurt then I have to stop it." She said.

"I won't get hurt." I told her licking my lips.

"You don't know that." She replied sighing.

She leaned against the doorway. She looked up at me.

"I'll always love you." She said.

"I'll always love you too." I leaned in a kissed her lips.