I'm Okay ~ Shoey

Chapter 11

~Sawyer's POV~

As I sat here waiting for my interview, I couldn't help but wonder why I was actually sat here in the first place? It seemed as though everything in life with Joey had finally started to flow in a more positive direction? We'd finally managed to move house, giving Joey his own room downstairs and still be able to cart around his oxygen tanks into all the different rooms of the house, and still have a wide open plan format with the kitchen and living room downstairs, and got three upstairs bedrooms. One for me, one for Shane and a spare for when Joey's sister or mom come to visit him. His downstairs bathroom was his favourite part though. He could actually get to the bathroom and do whatever he needs to do, and still have space for his equipment and be able to get all his things done.

However, money was our difficulty. Joey had to stop youtube, which had helped pay his treatment. But he's too sick to actually do it anymore. Of course, we all stopped youtube. We don't have the time now? Everything in our lives just revolves around Joey getting better. But none of that really seems to be happening? Yes, our lives have started to seem a little brighter, but that only really comes down to the fact that after 6 months, we're able to actually follow a routine, and we're just becoming more used to the idea of how our lives are now.

I sat in the reception area of the Los Angeles Fire Department, waiting for one of the deputies to come take me through to a back room. I'd had a little training back in the day, but never really let it take flight. And now with financial trouble, it seemed like a pretty good time to look back into it. Eventually, a big burly, muscular guy came out holding some forms. "Hartman?" he said, in a surprisingly soft voice. You'd image a big machine like guy to have a tough and harsh voice. But he sounded pretty chilled out. I shook his hand, and he led me to a smaller room, the type of place you'd hold big important meetings or something.

"Please, take a seat" he said, offering up a chair. I nervously sat down, pulling at the hem of my button up shirt, trying to neaten it up a little better. "My name's Deputy Small. Yes, I'm aware of the irony" he chuckled to himself. I joined in politely, though I wasn't really here for fun humour. I needed cash for Joey's next oxygen tank. "So, tell me a bit about yourself. We've had a lot of people come in for the same position, and well, I got a pretty good feeling about you. So tell me, why should I hire you to join my team?"

"Well, my names Sawyer, I'd like to believe I'm still 21, but one can still dream." I shrugged. This earned me a chuckle. "I live with my two best friends, one of which has cancer, and the doctor doesn't think we have that much longer left with him. My friend and I are trying everything we can to earn cash to help pay for his treatments, and get him all the things he needs to stay alive a little longer. You'd be surprised how expensive oxygen tanks are. It's the little things, like air, that keep my buddy alive."

"Wow. That sounds like a pretty tough ordeal?"

"It is. But I'd do anything for my buddy. And we need money to help his treatments, and to stay in our new house that helps to benefit his needs, and to be honest, no where else is hiring that I've had some kind of training for" I sighed sadly. Why did I bring up the topic of money?

"Well you know Sawyer, being a part of the fire department, isn't all about bravery, or strength, or any of those other things you get told about when you're 7. It's about heart. And you gotta have it or being a part of my team just won't work. I've known you all of 5 minutes, and I immediately know I want you to join my team. You're willing to put your life on the line, just to save the life of a friend? Man, that takes a lot of heart. And I admire that." he said, with honest compassion in his eyes.

"I don't want the sympathy vote. I am strong, and I'm determined. I work well in a team, and I-"

"Sawyer, calm down. It's obvious that all of those things. And more. You're perfect for the job, and I'd love for you to join my team. What do you say, buddy?" He smiled, offering out his hand. Who knew getting a job could be so simple as having heart? They don't call me 'Hartman' for nothing!

"Thank you so much, sir. You won't regret this, I promise." I said, standing and shaking his hand. I couldn't wait to tell Joey. He could finally stop worrying.

"How soon can you start?"

And that was that. A start date was set, and I would officially become a fireman. Just like every kid dreams of. I headed back home feeling pretty confident. With my new job along side the bar job I'd started a few weeks ago, I'd have just enough money to help fund half of Joey's next chemo session, and pay some of next months rent. We haven't' been this well off in months. Now with Shane's movie about to be released, we'd have a little more cash to pay the rest of his chemo for the next session, and hopefully a few months after that. And he can help pay the rent. Slowly, we'll be able to put our money trouble to one side and have one less thing to get stressed out about.

As I pulled up at home, I took a few moments to just sit in silence. It's not often I really get to just sit and listen to nothing anymore. Joey seems to have a new obsession with noise. He loves it. It's almost as if he's afraid of the silence? His therapist said that he's afraid of his enevitable death, and as an extension, death comes with silence and darkness. So Joey is afraid to have either of those things, because he doesn't want to die. So all the lights in the house must be on at all times at night. There must be radio/TV on at all times. If it's quiet, he goes into major panic attacks. But so does Shane. He's so afraid to leave Joey, and perhaps he feels that having butt loads of sound and light around, it's almost as if he has a hold on Joey's life? It'll be tough for him when Joey really does die. He says we can't think about that, because he knows that he'll be okay. But he hasn't prepared for the worst. And I'm worried that in turn, it'll kill him.

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A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated in like, 12.5billion years, but a lot has happened in my life recently and things are finally starting to get back on track! Finished all my final exams, and declined all my university/college offers to study film production and decided to become a teacher. Start training in a few weeks. I'm also a nanny now, and get paid to take care of 2 beautiful little boys and omfg they're adorable and I love being with them and they make me feel like I'm worth something now?

I've also been given anti-depressents (finally), and my therapy sessions and now in full swing, so I'll be getting my mental health back finally. My doctor and therapist have decided I don't need to go inpatient at a mental facillity thank god, because I've sarted to get my anxiety under control and my intense fear of people is starting to be controlled too, so thats great. Slowly but surely, things are going right. And I promise to try to keep on top of my updates :) Thanks for being patient with me, you adorable little plums <3