I'm Okay ~ Shoey

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

~Joey's POV~

"Don't worry, it'll be okay" Shane whispered at the side of me, with an easy smile on his lips. I cursed silently at him for making me seem so vulnerable. I'm stronger then he thinks.

I sat patiently in the large green armchair, squeezing a large pillow close to my chest. Shane sat across from me in a regular old chair set up for who ever would be joining me. Admittedly, I was a little nervous. But not as much as Shane seems to think I am.

The nurse approached gently, smiling at the two of us. "Hello, Joey! How're you feeling?" She asked positively, putting a large bowl onto the table that was between Shane and I. I gave her a confused expression. "You'll thank me later, Hun"

I gulped, the nerves slowly getting worse. Shane must have sensed it, because he reached out and took a hold of one of my frail hands in his. Soft thumbs traced circles on my palm.

"You ready?" She smiled, but with caution.

I wasn't ready. I was petrified. My heart began pounding in my chest and a slight sweat broke out atop my forehead. I had no idea what to expect at all. I bit my bottom lip and nodded, despite wanting to run out the hospital.

I felt the cannula being placed into the back of my free hand. A small part of my wanted to look. But I knew I shouldn't. Suddenly I felt the cold sensation running through my arm as the medication ran it's way through my veins.

"In a few moments, we'll know it's taking effect" she smiled, moving the tubes out of the way to prevent any accidents. My hand tingled a little, but overall the treatment wasn't so bad.

Shane stared at me hard, not knowing what all to expect. "You doing good?" His soft voice cooed. I nodded happily with a smile. The other patients in the room also getting their treatment all seemed pretty relaxed too. Some played cards with their companion, or played a board game. One couple sat watching a movie on a laptop. I hadn't expected chemotherapy to be this easy.

"It's not that-" I started to speak, when suddenly it felt as if my insides were on fire. Everything burned. The room started spinning and I could just about see Shane's worried expression get worse. My body shook with the immediate pain, I was sure my bones were breaking inside of me.

I leeched forward and threw my head into the bowl, bringing up the cookie I had in the car, and the noodles I had for lunch. My throat and mouth burned as I yelled out in agony.

"Yeah, it's working" the nurse said cheerfully, handing me a glass of water when I leant back shaking. "This is a good reaction for the first time"

"I can't breathe" I choked out, my lungs begging for air. Within seconds I had an oxygen tube around my face and into my nose. I panted, happy to be given the pleasure of breathing again.

"Your first time?" A bald lady asked from the other side of the room. She had a book propped on the pillow on her lap, her husband also had a book in hand. He too, was looking over sympathetically.

"Yeah" I nodded, hugging my pillow closer. I suddenly felt cold. This was awful treatment.

"You poor dear. It gets easier over time. Here" she called, tossing over a pack of gum. Shane caught it, offering it over to me. I took it hesitantly. Why was she giving me gum? "The mint makes it easier. Where've you got it?"

"Lungs" I said, looking up with doe eyes innocently.

"You smoke?"

I shook my head slowly, the movement making me nauseous. That was everyone's assumption when I told them it was my damn lungs. I've never had a cigarette in my life! I don't deserve to be suffering life this.

"You'll pull through kid. I can see it in your eyes" her husband smiled, standing up to approach us. He outstretched his arm towards me, "I'm Mike. This is my wife, Susan"

"Stomach" she said, raising a hand.

"Joey" I said, a little unsure. "This is Shane, my um-" I hesitated. I don't know what we even are. We act like a couple, but nothing's set in stone. "Friend"

"Nice to meet you" he chuckled, shaking Shane's hand a heck of a lot firmer than mine. Shane smiled brightly. "If there's anything you need, just give us a holla"

The nurse came through at that moment and unhooked her tubes and wires. She said they were free to go until next time. We waved good bye, then I fell back into the chair and closed by eyes.

"You're doing so well" I heard Shane whisper, moving his chair closer to mine. One of his hands draped over the pillow over my chest, the other using a soft finger to stroke my cheek.

"It hurts" I responded, head falling against his shoulder. I'm so thankful to have him by my side through this. He gives me the strength to carry on.

"I know, I know. But it'll make you better" he kissed my cheek. I immediately felt myself blush.

"Joey we need you to sign these forms" the nurse said as she approached us. I opened one eye partially, still in a lot of pain. "It's so you can have an oxygen tank at home to help your lungs"

I sighed. It's never easy. I signed what I could, and Shane signed as my full time carer. I felt so much guilt. It finally hit me that he would have to take full care of me until I either get better, or till I die. I'm not sure which is worse.