I'm Okay ~ Shoey

Chapter 7

Chapter 7

~Shane's POV~

As I sat on the bathroom floor rubbing Joey's back, my heart was aching with the realisation of how bad this was getting. His diagnosis was 2 weeks ago, and the morphine had been doing a pretty good job so far. Of course, he was having good days and bad days. Sometimes he'd want to walk around the grove, or go to the beach and dip his toes in the water, other days he'd scream if he was even looked at.

And today, was a very bad day. At 2:37pm, we'd spent a grand total of 6 hours already in the bathroom. His body was not feeling it today. His vomiting was violent, and with each heave I was sure he was going to snap his back.

My job was simple. Rub his back, whisper soft things, give cuddles and hand him water. It wasn't exactly difficult, but it really put a strain on me. I didn't want to see him like this. I didn't want to be reminded that he could die soon. I want Joey to be around until we get old, I want us to be together for years to come. I don't want to be counting the months till I'm alone.

"I'm sorry" he sobbed, pulling back from the toilet and falling to the side to crash against my chest. I handed him his water, which he took, and grabbed a towel with the other hand. I dabbed it around his neck and bare chest.

"Shhhh, don't worry. You don't have to apologise" I said with a soft chuckle. We all had to stay strong for him. Even if it broke our hearts.

"I just feel bad." He sighed. His body started shivering, but I could feel the heart burning off from him.

"You cold?" I asked, putting an arm around his hot shoulders. He shuffled closer to me and nodded.

I quickly grabbed a cold damp cloth from the sink just above where we sat, and brought it down to rest on his forehead. He sighed again. I kissed his head and rubbed my nose in his hair. That always made him smile.

"I'm sorry" he said again, his voice hitching half way through his word. I hesitated for a second, expecting him to sit up and puke again. But he didn't. He snuggled even further into me.

"I told you, it's okay. This is my job" I laughed, using the cloth to dab over his cheeks and nose. Simple fevers can make him worse. They make his body weak and the cancer will take advantage of it.

"Says who?" He groaned, a hand on his stomach.

"Says the room mate agreement" I said sarcastically. I earned a soft chuckle.

I felt his fingers trace circles along my arms as his body trembled against me. I placed the cloth back against his forehead and let my arms engulf him. He'd become very weak very quickly. His body was so fragile and small now. And his face seemed to be pale too often.

"Feeling any better?" I whispered, my lips close to his ear. He shuddered at the feel of my breath against his skin, and looked up at me. He's so cute.

"A little I guess. But can we stay here? Just in case?" He asked with eyes wide. I nodded and smiled. He can have anything he wants from me.

"Of course we can" I smiled, kissing his head again. He sighed, shuffling his body closer to me. He was almost fully on my knee now.

We remained in silence for a while after that. I had to resist the urge to start rocking him in my arms, the motion would probably discomfort his stomach. I softly rubbed his arms and stroked his hair. I'll miss it when the chemo starts. We'll have to look into getting some wigs ready for him.

"Joey?" I asked softly after what felt like 10 minutes of silence. There wasn't an answer, just his gentle breathing against my chest. "Joey?" I asked again. Nothing.

I slowly moved his head to the crook of my neck, and used as much strength as I could to lift the two of us up from the ground. Carrying him bridal style, we left the bathroom. Sawyer was sat in the office area, boxing up Joey's computer.

I laid Joey onto the coach and pulled his blanket up to his waist. He'll complain otherwise.

"He asleep?" Sawyer called from his spot on the floor. I cracked my back as I walked over to him.

"Yeah. Only just though" I said, taking a seat in one of the spinning chairs. Sawyer nodded and continued packing away his stuff. Once the chemo starts next week, Joey will be living completely downstairs. His doctor had recommended it.

The process was tough. Joey had cried for days at the very though of living downstairs. But he's sick. And if this is better for him then so be it. Sawyer was starting to pack this away, but it was tough on all of us. Everything was changing now and the disease felt more real. Like it was actually killing Joey. The evidence is right here. We can't pretend anymore.

"You okay?" He asked softly, cracking his back and stretching. I sat on the opposite office chair and sighed heavily, rubbing my eyes viciously with my fists.

"I'm so afraid of losing him" I confessed. Tears filled in my eyes, threatening to pour down my cheeks. I meant it though. The very thought of losing him killed me.

"Joey's tough. He'll pull through, just watch him." He smiled, reaching over to firmly squeeze my knee. I appreciated his affection, but until we get the all clear I'll be on constant edge.

"And if he doesn't? If he dies, I swear I'll..." But I can't finish my sentence. Tears fall down my face for the first time since this madness had happened. This was the first time I could break down about it. "I love him"