I'm Okay ~ Shoey

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

~Shane's POV~

"Shane, I said no!" Joey argued back at me, throwing his head back against his pillow. We'd finally been allowed to head back home. Within a matter of hours I'd completely moved in. I just couldn't leave Sawyer to have to care for him alone. Not emotionally anyway.

"C'mon, just scribble down something!" Sawyer called from the kitchen. He'd spent about an hour already cleaning it through. Joey's gotta be careful, he's at high risk of infection.

"No!" He argued, pulling his blanket up further. He'd settled himself on the couch with his pillow and blanket, demanding to watch Totoro and play hungercraft.

"You need a bucket list though!" I said, putting my arm around his bare shoulders. His morphine hadn't started kicking in yet. When they do, he's a lot less tense. "The doctor said he doesn't know how badly it's spread yet. You could have a week left for all we know!" I yelled a little. His gaze dropped as he sighed. I pulled him close, "I just want you to be happy. In case it's the end"

"It's not the end. I refuse to let that happen" he poured against my chest. His skin felt cold. I pulled his blanket up further to try and regain some heat back into him.

"But just in case" I pleaded, wanting to squeeze him tightly. All I wanted was to make his final few months the greatest, I wanted him to die a happy kid. No matter what happens, I'll make sure his final months are the best.

"Fine. Just a couple of things" he sighed, prying himself from my arms and leaning over the table we'd dragged over to the couch. He picked up the pencil and used it to scratch his forehead. His usual puffy quiff was now flat, almost emo style. He just didn't have the energy anymore.

"Number 1" he wrote down, saying the words as he did so. "Visit disneyland" he smiled. He warmed my heart.

"Okay, that's a good one. Right Sawyer?" I said, needed back up. Sawyer was pretty stern with him when it came to getting stuff done. It was him who managed to get him to stay on the couch instead of his bedroom, and he managed to get him to eat a turkey sandwich. He was just a whole better at this than I was.

"Awesome, actually. What else? You want a tattoo? Or to visit Japan? Or fuck someone over a table?" He joked. Joey's cheeks flushed red almost immediately, ducking his head to hide it. I couldn't help but smile. "Right. I'm going to change the sheets upstairs and clean around up there. Holla if you need me" and with that he was gone. I still had my arm around Joey, and the moment he was gone, Joey's body relaxed a little under my fingers.

"Number 2" he whispered to himself as he wrote the number. "Don't laugh at this one" he said sternly, looking up at me. I nodded and he continued, scribbling down the words with a shaky hand.

'Lose virginity'

A small smile crept across my face. It's not that surprising he's still a virgin. He never goes on dates, and honestly never shows much interest in the activity either.

"Number 3" he whispered, then paused, staring at the paper. I thought Joey would have thousands of things on his bucket list. "Cover a car entirely in post-it notes" he smiled, looking up at me when he finished writing. Anything to make him happy.

"Number 4" he sighed with a smile. Maybe part of him is enjoying this. "Tell them how I feel"

"Who's them?" I asked almost immediately. A little smile spread on his face as he glanced up at me.

"Person I like" he shrugged as if it's nothing. A little part of me sunk. I'd always hoped I'd be able to make him fall in love with me? No one knows I'm gay, aside from my mother. And Lisa I suppose. The reason we broke up was because my love for Joey was becoming so powerful I thought I would explode. And here he is, in love with someone else.

"You should tell them" I say, pushing my feelings to that back of my mind. He was potentially a dying man. Therefore off limits. It'll be better for all of us if I ignored my feelings.

"Maybe" he said, writing down a further two.

'Have a true loves kiss' and 'be a dad'

I wasn't sure how to feel about the second one. If he only had a few months to live then maybe that wasn't the best to attempt to accomplish.

"No really. You should tell them. Then you cross off kissing and sex too eventually" I smiled, trying to be an encouragement. The doctor said that's what will help Joey the most.

He moved his position so he was facing me straight on, his blanket fallen to his waist, revealing his bare chest and stomach. He didn't look very healthy, and to be honest it's not much of a shock.

"Shane" he started nervously, fiddling with his fingers in his lap and avoiding eye contact. I used a finger to lift his chin to see him easier. His eyes were wide as they locked onto mine.

"Yes?"

He hesitated, scanning my expression. "I like you" he said with a shaky voice.

"I like you to" I smiled, pulling him into a hug. His hands crept up my back as my fingers traced small circles into the back of his neck. I'll do everything I can to make his final months the best he's ever had. We'll tick off everything on his bucket list, and love him harder than I've ever loved anyone else.