PTX One-Shots

Changing isn't a bad thing [SCIRSTIE]

Kirstin's P.O.V.

I always wanted to do well in life, school, sport etcetera... Do well for friends, parents, family, acquaintances. It seemed like I wanted to make everyone happy. Everyone, but myself. It came to the point where it seemed like I had lost myself. Until the day came where I realized that I was not being myself. I was losing myself. So, I wanted to change. I wanted something new, something fresh. No, I was not turning into one of those rebellious teens. I just wanted some things to change. For the sake of me, my mind, my body, even for the sake of my surroundings, because if I didn't change, if something didn't change, I felt like I was going to explode. Slowly, I started to figure out myself, but I had no idea what to do to change. I had never even thought of the idea, changing, until I met him.

He showed me how it felt to live, to love, to be free and to sometimes not give a single fuck. Don't worry, he's not a bad guy, even though I'm kind of making it sound like he is. He's just different, or at least, his mindset is. He is funny and mysterious and he does not care about what others think of him. I later learned that he lost his parents and he hasn't got anyone else and so he ended up as a foster kid. That's probably partially why he has this unique mindset. He was the complete opposite of me and that was exactly what I needed. What I needed to escape from myself, from everyone, from this world.

Before I bumped into him, I was pushed to be the perfect child and friend. I was demanded to focus on school and I was told to be perfect in everything, so, of course, I was a straight-A student. Teachers loved, my fellow students admired and envied me, but they didn't understand how it felt to have people always expecting from you to be perfect. I almost never failed in anything I did, because was afraid of failure. Not per se because of myself, but more because of everyone around me. Afraid my 'friends' would leave me, afraid my parents would yell at me, afraid of everyone being disappointed in me. It was unhealthy, I know that now, but back then, I didn't know any better.

The morning after my newly-found decision, nothing went different. I didn't know how. Once I arrived at school, exactly in time, I bumped into him. The corridors of our own school. I was so focused on the classroom I was supposed to go to, that I didn't even see him and apparently, he was focusing on something else as well as our bodies crashed against each other. Abruptly, I dropped everything I was closely holding on to. He quickly apologized and bent down to pick up my stuff for me as a real gentleman. And if you're thinking that that cliché moment happened where I bent down as well to grab my stuff and our hands collided and it felt like a thousand sparks went through me, well then, you're wrong. I waited for him to give me my stuff back as I just simply watched him in silence.

And that was exactly what happened. He stood up with my books, pencil case, and, fortunately, my unharmed phone. As he handed everything back, I looked in his eyes and muttered a quick 'thank you' and whilst our looks were still mainly focused on the other's eyes, he muttered softly 'you're welcome' and a silence crept its way between us. It was just silence, silence ad staring. It seemed like we had landed in an endless trance, until the loud sound of our school's bell brought me back to this world and onto my feet. I told him I had to get to class and said that he should probably go too.

And so, we did. We went off to our own separate classes, neither of us showing emotion, but the outside of me definitely didn't feel like inside of me. It looked like we just brushed this encounter off like it was nothing but as the day progressed I realized that was not the case for me. I noticed in classes I was starting to daydream, specifically about him and his features. His tall body that easily towered over mine, his blonde hair styled in a perfect quiff, his piercing blue eyes... my god, his eyes. I have no idea how I can describe them with the correct terms. Blueberries? The sky on a perfect sunny, cloudless day? An ocean that seem to go on and on forever and where I could practically drown in? They all seemed too cliché and, to be honest, they really did not describe his eyes correctly. All I know is that they were mesmerizing. A little too mesmerizing for my liking, as they kept on showing up in my dreams and basically taking up every single thought in my head, so there was no room left for the supposedly 'new' information from my classes. It even happened that my math teacher asked me to solve a problem, but in order to give a proper response, she had to call my name several times and snap her long, dainty fingers in front of my face and repeat her question for me. The whole class seemed shocked that I was not paying attention in class and especially in math, one of my favorite subjects. The teacher even asked if there was something wrong, but I just answered that I didn't get a good night of sleep and that I was just very tired and, fortunately, everyone accepted my white lie. I slowly realized what was happening and why. I was changing and it was all started by that guy I encountered in the hallway. I thought I was never going to see him again, but I quickly changed my attitude and made it my mission to find him again.