French Kisses

Chapitre 29

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                                                                           / FRENCH KISSES / 

                                                                                        Alecia

"I really can't explain— I know you'd never understand this. I just— I've been trying to control my anger when I'm with you. Kasi nasasaktan ka 'pag nagagalit ako at ayaw kong nagagalit ako kasi nasasaktan ka at ayaw kong nasasaktan dahil sa akin. If only I don't have this bullshit I'm going through, we would've met differently. You would've hate me so much..."

Everything was clear to me now. Calvin was sick. I don't know what to say, I'm left speechless.

"I remember my therapist always tells me to say some"thing about myself, my feelings, and she was always having a hard time getting me to open my heart out. And right now, being with you makes me feel even better. I'm more carefree, I'm more comfortable, I'm happier, which is a good thing for me." Calvin snorted.

"I love you, Alecia, I just want to be beside you but please, don't push me away. Kahit friendship nalang ang kaya mong ibigay, it's better than nothing. I'm sorry for everything, for that night, I wasn't in my right self."

I stayed in silence. My eyes on the pool and I felt his gaze at me, staring at my profile. For the first time, I didn't feel bothered because I know he was looking at me with admiration, not with his usual, lustful self. 

"Don't you have anything to say?" He moved, putting his forearm on the backrest of the bench.

"I'm sorry." I finally let out words, though it was only a whisper.

I turned my head to face him. I looked at his lips, his lips formed a little smile. Then I looked at his gray eyes, his eyes were sad. 

I don't want to say something anymore because I feel like it'll hurt him more. Because I know I will only just agree to the friendship that makes him devastated even more. And I don't want that. That will be torture for him and he's had enough shit.

"Don't say anything." He whispered. 

And I didn't. He was staring at me for what felt like hours, na parang sinasabi niya lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin gamit ang mga mata niya. 

I'm so sorry, Calvin. We just don't deserve each other. 

"Can I ask you something?" He said after a long time, his voice low. "I promise this will be the last time." 

I knew what he wanted but I didn't hesitate. I don't even know why. "Do it."

Lumapit siya sa akin. We still had eyes for each other. His hand moved to cupped my cheek. It was gentle and soft as if I were a fragile glass, but I weren't. He was the fragile one. Our lips touched, it was the gentlest kiss I've ever had with him. His mouth moved down to sucked a bit of my lower lip, as I did the same on his. 

//////

The game ended at 5pm. We won, the home team loses. Syempre, maraming picture taking ang nangyari at kasali na kami roon ni Sean. Hindi rin nagpapatalo ang mga students na nagpapapicture sa mga poging basketbolista.

"Congrats Jeth!" I greeted once we met him in the basketball gym. 

"Congratulations, Jethro!" Sean greeted him too.