Temptations [Niall Horan]

Chapter 52

I wailed hysterically in the passenger seat of Becca's car, my t-shirt soaked with tears. The nurses had called her after dragging me out of Niall's room. I had cried and screamed for Niall the entire way back to the college, my heart in pieces. I'd just watched him die... right in my arms.

"Oh, God, why!? Why the fuck did you take him away from me!? Why did you take him and not me instead?!" I shouted, burying my face in my hands.

"Ronnie... Ron, there was nothing you could've done. Please," Becca mumbled, tears staining her cheeks as well.

"No, Bec, you don't understand! I loved him! I loved him, and I went and did this to him! It's all my fault! It's my fault that he's gone!" I wailed. 

She shook her head, reaching over the center console and hugging me. "No, Ronnie, it's not your fault. It isn't! It was an accident..."

"It wasn't a fucking accident! He went in that building because I was in there!" I sobbed, clinging to her.

"Because he loved you... thank god he went in there, or else you might not be here," She whispered, rubbing my back. 

"I don't care if I'm here... I'm here without him, and life without him is no life at all."

She only sighed in response, pulling away and stepping out of the car. I cried as she walked around, opening the passenger door for me. "Come on," she sighed, "Let's get you inside."

I slowly stepped out, staring up at Niall's apartment building as I shut the car door. The dorms had been completely destroyed, and until they could repair all the damages, they had put up people in temporary apartments and hotel rooms. Since I was in the hospital for a week and unable to get a room assignment, I'd had nowhere to go. Becca was staying with Adam, and offered for me to sleep on their couch until further notice, but I denied. I decided I'd head back to Niall's.

As we walked inside, a waft of Niall's cologne immediately filled my senses. I covered my mouth with my hand, slowly sinking to my knees in a fit of sobs. He was really gone.

"Ronnie... Ronnie, please," Becca whispered, kneeling as she rubbed my back. "I know he's gone. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry that this had to happen. I know it hurts, I know exactly how you feel, and-"

"No!" I snapped, looking up at her furiously, "No, you don't! You have no idea how it feels at all!"

She widened her eyes, taken aback. "Ronnie, I-"

"No! No, don't 'Ronnie' me! How the hell would you know how it feels?! How it feels to lose everything you've ever loved!?"

She stared at me sadly, tears building in her eyes. 

"I loved him, Becca! I loved him! And now he's gone forever! So don't tell me you know how it feels, because you don't. You never even liked him, don't pretend like his death means anything to you!" I shouted.

She furrowed her brows angrily, breathing heavily. "Just because Niall and I didn't always get along, doesn't mean I didn't care, Ronnie! I knew Niall longer than you ever did! Just because you were his girlfriend, just because you were in love with him does not mean that his death doesn't hurt anyone else more than it hurts you!" She stood, shaking her head. "I'm... I'm just going to go. I'm gonna give you some space."

I stood, my heart aching. I didn't mean to snap at her like that... I was just in a fragile state. "Becca, I'm sorry. I.... I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay," she muttered, looking at me sadly, "I get it. You're hurt. I'm gonna give you some time alone, okay?" She pulled me close, hugging me tightly. "Let me know if you need anything."

I nodded, tears streaming down my cheeks as I hugged her. "Thank you," I whispered, watching as she walked out the door.

And then I was alone. Alone in his apartment. I slowly walked through the rooms, looking at the scattered beer bottles he'd left behind. When I got to his bedroom, I sank down on his bed. I pressed my nose against his pillow, his cologne overwhelming my senses again.

I laid there for what seemed like ages, crying my heart out. I missed him. I needed him. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore... where did I go from here?

I felt my eyelids drooping as my crying slowly stopped, my breathing slowing. I was so tired... I shut my eyes, focusing on composing myself as I laid there. 

"Ronnie?" a voice called. My eyes immediately shot open. I stared up at the ceiling, my heart pounding in my ears. It couldn't be...

"Ronnie? When did you get here?" Niall asked, walking over and leaning over me. He smiled softly, shaking his head. "Jesus, you gave me a start... I get home and see someone laying in my fucking bed. I was about to go all Goldilocks and the three bears on ya."

I stared up at him, reaching up and touching his face. "Niall!? Oh my god, Niall!" I cried, jolting up and hugging him tightly. His arms wrapped around me, holding me close. "Oh Niall, I thought I lost you!" I sobbed.

He chuckled, kissing my temple. 'Why on earth would ya think that!?" he asked.

"I.... I must've had a dream or something! A terrible dream... there was a fire, and you ran in to save me... And you, you..." I trailed off, crying.

"I what, baby?"

"You died Niall... you died in my arms," I sobbed. Pulling back, I looked at his face, watching as his expression turned from happy to serious.

"Ronnie... that wasn't a dream," he muttered, staring at me sadly, "I am dead."

I watched as the room around us transformed into the hospital room I'd been in only a few hours ago. When I looked beneath me, I was suddenly looking through a window. Niall was walking away, into a large black portal. He turned around, waving to me before stepping through it, disappearing completely.

"No! Niall, come back! Come back!" I screamed.

My eyes flew open as I sat up in his bed, gasping for breath. I looked around in a panic, my heart pounding. I was drenched in sweat.... it must've been a dream. My lip trembled as I realized I was alone... I was really alone.

I laid back down, snuggling into the covers that smelled so much like him. And as I laid there... I began crying all over again.