Do You Think I'm Okay? t.f. x reader

29

We're almost at 10K, and just to add to it, the next chapter will be the 30th.
How perfect is that?

Side note- I'm going to see Avengers: Infinity War this weekend.
I already plan on crying myself into dehydration, so this'll probably be the last chapter you'll ever get before I die.
Leave your prayers in the comments. I'm gonna need them.

I actually started crying thinking about how much this book and my fanbase has grown so, so much so, so quickly.
It's kinda overwhelming sometimes, yah know?

Anyways, I won't make this long and boring.
Just like I say every chapter, thank you so much for your support and patience. I wouldn't have continued writing if it wasn't for you guys. <3

🎶That's a 22, pew pew pew ;) 🎶

Lunch literally flew by.
Benedict and Tom are literally the most hilarious duo on the planet.
The amount of times I burst out crying from laughing so hard, my ribs were probably bruised at this point.

Now we had all finished our meals and were currently fighting over who would pay the bill. Typical.

"Y/N, it would be highly ungentlemanly of me to let you pay. I insist you let Tom and I pay." Benedict hissed in a menacing, low voice.
If my brain wasn't clouded by stubbornness right now, I would've been terrified.

"No, Benedict. I'm a big girl, I can pay for my own food. I appreciate the offer, but I'll have to respectfully decline."
I growled back, leaning forward in my seat, grabbing my Gucci wallet from my jean pocket.

"Um, we could a-all pay, split the bill, yah know-"
"Hush Tom, let the adults discuss this." I snapped, not even looking at Tom, my eyes glued to Ben's in a fierce staring contest, trying to see who would back down first.

"I'm only 7 years younger than you." Tom grumbled as he slouched in the booth, his arms crossing childishly.

I didn't break the eye contact as I slid a 20 dollar bill out of the wallet, slamming it onto the check book that our waiter had given us.

"I'll be waiting outside for you guys." I smiled a huge, sickly-sweet grin at Benedict as I closed my wallet, getting up, and speed walking out of the diner.

I made sure to watch out for the rollerblading waiters this time.

Finally, the two men emerged from inside, one looking anxious and awkward, the other looking ticked off yet amused.

"One day, you won't get away like that." Ben spoke slowly, his words feeling like the tip of a blade on my skin.

"We'll see about that, Mr. Holmes." I smirked, shoving my hands into my jacket, which I had put on once I stepped outside.

Ben shook his head, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a box of cigarettes. He opened the box, pulling out a cigarette and a lighter.
My heart leaped and my stomach twisted, my mouth drooling at the smell that escaped the little carton.

I had been completely craving one lately since I was always busy, and being emotionally drained doesn't help my constantly demanding schedule.

I had to go to set every day from 5AM-8PM, sometimes later, depending on how much we got done and how quickly we got it done.
Then I had to practice lines with Hiddleston Saturdays and Sundays from 7AM-9PM, again, depending on the day.
And then dealing with the constant nagging and aches my heart felt every day after seeing Felton on set, my stress levels were through the roof.

(I DON'T RECOMMEND SMOKING. AT. ALL.
It's really bad for you, and it does nothing but ruin your life. But if you do smoke, I can't judge you, because I do too.
It's a horrible habit, but as someone who has tons of problems, it helps in the moment. If you do smoke, please try stopping. I care about you too much to let you throw your life away like that.)

"Can I.. Can I have one?" I asked Ben cautiously. His eyes widened as he placed his cigarette between his lips, holding it there.
I looked down at my shoes, shuffling slightly and digging my hands deeper into my pockets.

I felt his eyes burn holes in me as he searched for 'why in the hell is this amazing, beautiful young woman in need of a cigarette?'

And the answer is: Life.

"These things kill, you know." Benedict stated warningly, but his hand denied his brain's wishes.
He agonizedly slowly reached in the carton, pulling one out and handing it gently to me.

I gratefully took it in-between my index and middle finger, putting it between my lips gingerly, like it could break if I put any pressure on it.

He lit his cigarette, then kindly lit mine for me.
I nodded in thanks, closing my eyes as I inhaled the toxic smoke, holding it in my lungs, wishing desperately that it could hold me back.

Hug me, caress me, securely wrap its deadly arms around me and whisper sweet nothings to me.

I felt my lungs start to burn, so I exhaled, sighing in relief as I felt my body relax.
I opened my eyes to see Ben looking at me in a way that I couldn't really pinpoint. Too many emotions were swirling in his deep pool-like eyes.

Then I turned to Tommy, who had plain, clear worry written all over him. His eyebrows were furrowed so tightly that he almost looked angry.

I took another inhale, holding it for a second, then as I exhaled, I spoke, "Well, I guess I should be off. My house is a block or two from this diner, so I think I'll just walk."
The boys just nodded, saying their 'goodbyes' as they hugged me tightly, like they really didn't wanna let go unless they found out what they wanted to know.

I waved goodbye one last time before turning around and walking home, smoking the cigarette slowly so it wouldn't burn out quickly.
I wanted to enjoy it.
I wanted to savor it.

I wanted to wrap my arms around its burning, poisonous body, and hold it until everything was okay.