Do You Think I'm Okay? t.f. x reader

A/N: Infinity War

Okay, so I just got home from watching Infinity War.

I'm basically traumatized.

I'm in this really numb state where I don't feel anything, and I'll just sit still and stare at my phone.

But then I'll get a fucking sad memory from Infinity War which causes me to sob like a war victim.

⚠️ WARNING: ⚠️
SPOILERS AHEAD.

IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN
INFINITY WAR, THEN SKIP AHEAD UNTIL I SAY
"Spoilers Over"

First Wave:
Okay so, I was doing fine for the first five minutes until: *BAM* Loki gets lifted up into the air by his throat, getting choked to death by Thanos.

HE WAS DOING SOMETHING GOOD FOR ONCE.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOR FUCKING EVER, HE TRIED TO HELP HIS BROTHER.

THANOS WAS TORTURING THOR AND LOKI COULDN'T TAKE IT.

HE TRIED TO BE A GOOD FUCKING BROTHER FOR ONCE, AND THEN HE GETS KILLED FOR IT.

"I, Loki.." *looks at Thor* "Odinson"

*Loki getting choked by Thanos*
"You.. Will.. Never.. B-Be.. A.. G-God."

My heart literally shattered as I watched my baby,
MY FIRST BABY, BEFORE STEPHEN STRANGE AND PETER PARKER;
MY FIRST MARVEL CRUSH;
MY FIRST MARVEL OBSESSION;
get killed by this bitch Titan.

*Ahem*

But as the movie went along and time went by, I eventually stopped crying over my dead first husband.

But then the next wave hit me.

Second Wave:
Wanda having to literally rip and crush the life out of her one true love.

Now, I love Vision, so of course I was crying over just his death, but I ship Wanda and Vision so hardcore that seeing her go through that basically ripped my heart in half.

And it ended up being for nothing because he just used the Time Stone to rewind and rip out Vision's stone himself.

I cried so hard when I saw his super colorful red and blue body turn grey and drained.

Third Wave:
Stephen Strange; aka Doctor Strange; is one of my top faves alongside
Loki Laufeyson,
Peter Parker,
Tony Stark,
Vision,
& the Guardians of the Galaxy squad.

But Stephen can be an epic arrogant douche from time to time, especially when it comes to him protecting the world.

*Looks Tony dead in the eye*
"If I have to choose between saving you or the kid, or keeping the stone safe, you're good as dead."

He said he would do everything in his power to keep it safe, even if that means Peter and Tony have to die.

So when I hear Stephen yell, "STOP." After Thanos had stabbed Tony through the chest, I immediately put my hand over my mouth.

*Bargaining with Thanos*
"The stone for his life."

HE. SAVED. TONY. EVEN. THOUGH. THEY. BASICALLY. HATED. EACH. OTHER. IN. THE. BEGINNING.

I got an ocean of tears for that one because Tony is one of my fave babes, so when Stephen saved him, it was such a shock, but a relieving one.

Fourth Wave:
Any scene with Gamora and Thanos basically made me sob.

Like when she stabbed the fake-reality him, and she broke down crying.

And then when we saw her as a little girl, getting taken away from her home planet, her mom and whole species getting murdered in front of her.

But the parts that really got me were when he threw her off the cliff, crying because apparently he has emotions.

And then when he went to another alternate reality and saw her as a little girl again.

*Little Gamora turns around, looking at her "father" curiously*

"Did you do it, father?"

*Little Gamora smiles, which causes Thanos to tear up and choke on his words*

"Yes."

"What did it cost?"

A long fucking pause.

"Everything."

*Little Gamora's smile faltered, and her eyes started to tear up as well*

I just.. wow.
Thanos gets me weirdly all up in my feels with his psychopathic ways.

Fifth & Final Wave:
*Tony looks around desperately, trying to think quickly*
"Mr. Stark? I don't feel so good."

*Tony turns around to see Peter stumble forward. He catches him, Peter's full weight pressing on him*

*Peter grips onto Tony's shirt, holding onto him for dear life*
"I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I- I don't wanna go."

*Tony lays Peter down, trying to keep him alive and awake, his own heart shattering as he watched the boy, that he loved like a son, die*
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm s-sorry, so sorry."

*Peter disintegrates into ash, getting carried away by the wind.*

*Tony falls backwards, sitting down roughly on the dirty ground, all the emotions suddenly crashing down on him at once*

If you don't understand why or how that scene literally caused me to choke down my own sobs, trying to keep quiet in a FUCKING MOVIE THEATER, then you have no heart.

I've had about 3 panic attacks and emotional breakdowns thinking about that scene.

⚠️SPOILERS OVER⚠️

I just had to tell you guys wtf I've been through today and why I didn't update.

My heart is broken, I'm numb and drained, and I've been watching "Spider Man: Homecoming" on repeat so that I can just see Peter smiling, laughing with Ned, and enjoying life as our

"Friendly Neighborhood Spider Man"

I'll update soon, just when I'm not an emotional wreck anymore.

Even though I look like I've been through hell and back by the amount I've been crying; I highly recommend going to see Infinity War.

It was amazing, literally one of the best movies I've seen so far.

I love you guys.

Like always,
Stay lovely.

"Come on kid, stay awake.."