Rant Time 4

Rumor Has It|Rant Time

Wow, this is really like stepping into a time warp. It's been a good while since I've been on here.

I'm finally dusting this book off to enter in a new chapter. Everyone I know is so sick and goddamn tired of me complaining about this issue, but I really need to talk about it some more, so I finally decided to get off my ass and break this book out for its intended purpose.

It's kind of a long story.

In short, I went out with my friend/coworker over the weekend (plus her aunt and my mom), we shared a hotel room and had fun (as in, pool and beach and drinks), and as soon as we get back, a rumor starts spreading that her and I had sex, because I'm gay.

We went to Louisiana for Cinco de Mayo. All four of us. My mom and Kim gambled, TiTi--the friend in question--and I stayed up in the room and went to the beach and pool together until it got dark and we went back upstairs to take showers, lay down, and have some wine coolers and beer.

It was awesome. We took pictures and videos and it was great. I've never had so much fun in my life.

We came back home, and Monday was totally normal. Tuesday was okay, but TiTi was a little sick (we both caught something and we were dumb and ate off the same plate and fork), so she wasn't really talking.

Wednesday came around and she wouldn't even look at me, which is unusual, because she still acknowledges me even when she's not feeling good. I wondered what was happening, but I knew to just let her have her day. As I was leaving for the day, my mom told me to read the text TiTi sent her.

To sum it up: one of our new coworkers saw a picture of TiTi in the bed in the hotel when we were alone (which was not true at all, the picture was of her asleep in the car and she laughed so hard about it), and I guess she teased TiTi or made some comment that she was gay. It really hit close to home, because she is not gay and doesn't want to be labeled as that, which is fine.

Mom didn't take it too well, she called TiTi homophobic, TiTi cried her eyes out and got mad. I told my mom to just leave it alone because she made it worse. I went back up there on Thursday and asked TiTi if she wanted to talk. She said no. I was a little hurt over everything, so I cried and my mom came back up in all her unjustified rage and yelled at TiTi some more. She shut down and we just went home.

Y'all, I cried my fucking eyes out for hours. TiTi is my friend, a really close friend. I hated fighting with her, especially over something that I didn't even do. But I let her have her moment as I did mine. We were both really upset, and I made my mom apologize to TiTi for calling her homophobic. I truly do not think that was homophobic, and I was never angry at her.

For context: our coworker is new and goddamn 30-something years old. She has a jealousy complex. Every time she saw TiTi and I talk or doing stuff together, she gave us this look. Like she didn't want us to be friends. I even explained this at dinner at the hotel; "she looks like the type to talk shit."

And lo and fucking behold, she accuses TiTi and I of fucking and having some secret love affair or some shit because she saw a picture of her in bed (that didn't even exist) and decided to take it and say that TiTi is gay and we had sex. Just because I'm openly gay and me being in the same room with a female means I have my mouth on her and we're fucking, obviously. 🙄

Now there's this whole rumor going around. It really hurt TiTi and I's friendship. I don't want people to look at us and think we had sex. It's nothing against her at all, it's just that nothing happened that night and it's not right for people to say shit about us.

We're most likely gonna be okay and things are already calling back down, but the fact that a grown ass woman would have the fucking capacity to even imagine two friends, especially really young ones, having sex because they spent one night together disgusts me. Who in their right mind thinks some shit like that, joking or not?

Now everyone is jumping into this and I can feel the tension. It's this stagnant air between us all. TiTi and I have barely said a word to each other. It'll be okay, because we can finally look at each other without breaking down, but yesterday I felt like I was doing a walk of shame.

I've never been terrified to go to work before. It was scary, because I had this shame. Not because I'm gay, but because knowing people were seeing us that way made me sick. And I didn't know if our friendship would be the same. I was hurt that she believed our coworker without talking to me.

The atmosphere was definitely better, but nobody said shit. I didn't even acknowledge our coworker. She's aware of what she did, but she has no remorse.

Ever heard of the Salem Witch Trials? Remember how the witches were accused without being able to defend themselves and were forced to be shunned and walk around in shame right before they were executed? It felt something like that when I showed my face yesterday. I'm not ashamed I'm gay. I'm ashamed that someone was thinking of me that way, especially with someone who's like a sister to me.

I think we will be okay in time, we just need to give it awhile. But this is a lesson: watch what you say. Even if it's a joke, it could be really hurtful and destroy friendships.

Also points to be made:
▪️Even if that bitch saw the picture of TiTi in the car and thought it was something else, why the fuck is it her business?
▪️Teasing someone is not okay. I don't like being called straight, she doesn't like being called gay. That's fair. I don't like people using my sexuality is a joke or a way to hurt people.
▪️I have a feeling that bitch didn't even see anything, because I didn't look at my pictures around her, so how would she know? She made some shit up and targeted the most vulnerable person to get back at us.
▪️What we do on our own time is our business. It was all innocent and good fun, and it pissed me off when that bitch made it something it wasn't and spread it around and hurt us at the same time.
▪️What kind of adult thinks that way of two teenage girls? It's like we can't do anything without it being sexual simply because I'm gay. I'm so disgusted and disturbed that the thought of TiTi and I having sex even crossed her mind.

I've heard of this happening to lesbians, but I never thought it would happen to me. I'm so embarrassed. We never had sex. We don't even hug. The fact that there's a rumor going around about me and my sexuality is humiliating, and it's the first time TiTi has seen me cry.

But you know what? What goes around comes back around. So when something happens to that bitch coworker, I hope she enjoys her walk of shame. Honey, I've done my walk of shame. I've shed all my goddamn tears. I'm trying to patch up my friendship.

I refuse to even look at my coworker right now. She's not worth it.

I hope she enjoys her karma.

Namaste, bitch.
~
Sierra ⚡️