Rant Time 4

Growing Up|Misc.

I will be 18 years old in February.

18 years. 936 weeks. 6,570 days.

That's a long time. A very long time, but it's nothing compared to a full lifespan. I'm only dipping my feet in the water right now, but I'll be swimming in a couple years.

I've grown so much in the past couple years or so. My thoughts and ideas changed a lot, my appearance definitely changed (I look like an entire new person), and my personality is so much different, and while I'm still a piece of work, it's a lot easier than it ever was.

When I was 14 or 15, I was immature compared to how I am now. Everything pissed me off and I didn't want to change. I wanted to find someone or something to blame for my issues--my family, friends, illnesses--and although some of my issues stemmed from those things, I've realized that I can't keep on blaming people for everything that goes wrong.

Part of growing up is knowing what is your fault, so you can fix it and move on.

Now that I'm older, I know I can't live in a bubble. The world is not my goddamn safe space. I do think safe spaces are important for certain groups, but I also think we should not expect everywhere and everything to be safe and cater to our "needs." The world is not safe, and perhaps that's why we create safe spaces, but you cannot have both.

The truth is that we shouldn't feel entitled to making sure society doesn't hurt our feelings. We can't go around demanding that people say or not say or do certain things around you because it bothers you. Sure, if you're close to someone or you talk to them often, speak up if they're making you uncomfortable or purposefully hurting you, but also realize that not everyone in the world is going to cater to your feelings hand and foot.

Sorry. That's the way it is.

I recently had to leave my job because I was having lies spread around about me and being ignored and mistreated. I put on my big girl panties and realized that, I either live with it, or I fix it. People are assholes and don't like to change. So I did the only thing I could: leave. I did try to work it out, but it didn't work in the end.

I liked what I was doing. But I couldn't do it anymore. I left in favor of paperwork.

Oh well. That's life.

Yeah, I was pissed and I ranted and raved for days, but guess what? That's just part of living. I didn't get what I wanted and I can't expect everyone to behave the way I want--even if the way I want is standard societal etiquette--and that's the way it is.

Part of growing up is making tough decisions that can make or break you.

I'm fully aware I'm not always going to get what I want. I'm not a baby about it. I'm 100% aware that, if I find a job I really want or desperately need and their guidelines say ditch the unnatural-dyed hair, I will do it. Would I want to? No. Would I sacrifice it for a dream job? Yes. I love it with all my heart, but if it's gotta go, it's gotta go.

I won't stand there and argue about it with my employer, because that shows intolerance for compliance and lack of willpower. If I really want it, I'll do anything to get it. Even if it means going back to boring brown hair.

Part of growing up is being open for change and adjusting to things even if it makes you uncomfortable. I change all the time and I look forward to it. I'm going to redo my bedroom in favor of a different style. I'm probably going to go back to blue hair. But I also know that I will one day need to adjust to certain rules and guidelines.

You have to be willing to find new things and people and just change every once in awhile. Even in the slightest. If you have to, that's what needs to be done.

Don't bitch and complain that you don't get what you want all the time, or that people are always "unfair" to you. You are in control of some of these things.

Part of growing up is taking that control and using it for the greater good, to better yourself.

Instead of complaining about what's happening to you, do your best to fix it, and if you can't, that's something you have to learn to live with. Only then do you get to complain. But if you don't even try, how will you ever succeed?

I know, I know, easier said than done. But it can be done, and I'm living proof. Just step foot out of your comfort zone for a little bit. Check out the grass on the other side, because it may be greener. I'd rather you slowly ease yourself out of your bubble than someone just randomly bursting it and you're cowering away because you don't know what to do.

I'm growing. We're all growing. And I do have a lot more growing to do, but at least I'm moving. I've realized I'm to blame for some shit that's happened, that I'm in control of some things that happen to me, that the world will not always be kind to me and cater my feelings.

If you don't want to get out of your bubble, there are consequences, and you must live with said consequences. I'm not here to force you to grow up, because hopefully time does that on its own, but if it doesn't, it's all up to you.

I'm not protecting you. So start dipping your feet in so you can wade in and then swim. Don't be pushed or forced to dive in and then drown because you never even got wet in the first place. Because no one will be there to save you.

This is tough. But what isn't? This world is not nice. There are millions of stars and galaxies and planets that revolve around a single point in the universe. And that point is not you.

Get used to it.

~

Sierra ⚡️