FACTS ABOUT ME, RANTS, RANDOM STUFF.

82 | [happy] birthday to me

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[happy] birthday
to me!

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(A/N: heyaa so this is the edited version of this chapter. the original showed so much negative stuff and i rarely do vents in this book so yeah skip ahead if you want dank chapters lmao)

edited 14-05-2018

so it's my birthday today.
and i don't know what to
feel, aside from feeling
pretty messed up.

the original thing that
was put up here is a vent
about being alone and depressed
n' stuff lol. here's sorta what happened.

yesterday;;

so all my friends are unavailable.
they can't go to my party because
they're on vacation in their family
provinces. so i was bummed out.
then there was this nice book
i saw of a series i collect. it was
like a somewhat rare special
edition version. my mum didn't let
me buy it. then when we were supposed
to buy a cake, i said which kind of cake
i wanted, but my mum said she bought
the regular cake, because it was mothers'
day and all the good cakes were taken.

that's when i got sad af lmao.

there was also like another birthday
of a relative from my mum's side that
i really wanted to go to, because all my
favourite cousins were there lol. my
parents didn't let me because it was
overnight. but i really wanted to go
because i had a feeling that overnight
in a hotel + cousins + the celebrant =
a repeat of the best day of my life
(read part #12 of this book lol)

so yeah i had a breakdown.

i locked myself in my room
for a while, then when
12am came my mum went into
my room and told me to go downstairs.
when i went down, i was surprised.

the table was set up with gifts,
there were balloons on the
wall saying 'happy birthday
cailin' and some avengers
balloons. then the cake i
asked for was there. dammit i
felt so bad at the time.

and guess what?
one of those gifts i got was
the special edition book
i was talking about earlier.

the other one was a funko
pop of gamora from guardians
of the galaxy and a dRAWING
TABLET. i wanted to just break
down and cry again too lmao
but my mum was recording my
whole reaction ;-;

so i had a few thoughts like
do i deserve it?
what did you do to
gain this?
what makes you
so special?

and it just hurts.
my parents have a lot
of things to pay for
and they saved some money
for me. :"(

like i said in part #77,
i don't deserve my family's
kindness. or literally anyone
who's been nice to me.

thank you <3

.
.
.

hi i'm literally a
crying mess at
this point my eyes
are red and puffy
and i can't breathe
as i'm writing. :")

ANYWAY NORMAL PROGRAMMING WILL RETURN WHEN I GET OVER THIS.

IN THE MEANTIME CHECK OUT THESE COLLAGES Casual_Girl46 MADE FOR ME. SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO SEND IT TO ME TODAY, BUT SHE SENT IT YESTERDAY BECAUSE I WAS FEELING DEPRESSED.

her: there's no loki movie so i just added a pic of loki

i think y'all know who this is ;)

aND SHE MADE ONE FOR MY OTHER IDOL AWW

and to make it better,,,

she made a collage of my two idols in the earlier pictures + their dogs <3 tom holland with tessa and brandon boyd with bruce. (also that baby husky in the top right corner ^^)

we all need friends
and family like these
in our lives smh