7 Letters: YOUTUBE (DISCONTINUED)

Bonus Chapter

Night_Angel's (Noah's) POV

Having a hard time is way too common for me. I'm used to walking alone in the halls with no one to hold my hand or even talk to me. I'm way too tired and sick of trying and fitting in the clique or cool crowds. I, myself, feel like a transparent wandering soul and that everyone's eyes just go through me. They don't really see me, they see through me like a window. I'm a nomad, alone and always moving. I choose to leave things behind, because I think it saves me from more emotionally straining experiences. I choose to be alone, I like empty rooms and prefer the dark.

A bunch of laughing boys wearing snapbacks and leather jackets pass by. I never was that type of boy, the boy who fed myself with my own ego and suffered from the depth of my awesomeness and hotness. But I don't really come across as unconfident, I'm really comfortable in my own skin. And I just wear sweaters and hoodies in public, usually things that covered the scars on my wrist.

I walked home and when I got there, I took off my sweater. I jump on the couch, and flip my laptop on and go straight ahead to Youtube. I scroll down videos and instantly got led to the little cupcake's channel. I can't help but smile a little.

Wonder why I'm so alone? It's because everyone's dead or left, they're all gone and I won't be able to see them again. And it's my fault. Era's gone, she left me and everyone else, I won't be able to look at her straight in the eyes once more. But then I have Naya to look forward to, I wait till the memory of Era might be pushed away by someone like Naya.

But there will always be the feeling of being done with fighting and enduring the pain. I will always feel weak for not being the person I wanted to be. I'm weak because I let Naya make me feel hope, weak because I believed that someone would save me. I'm strained and empty like an old house, torn apart and I can't hold anyone dear inside me. And that's just how my life goes. And I'm not worth being sorry for. I'm just through with life and its perks and sufferings. Tired of trying. Then that's just how it is.

I scare myself with the thoughts that run in my mind, these images of how I plan to end things linger on. My death would be the greatest glory of my life, I am worthless and strange. I don't want my life and I don't want to keep something I don't want. But there are actually people out there who suffer to keep their's. I threaten myself that if I'm not strong enough for this then there is no point.

I couldn't feel more alone but I do. I feel isolated and distorted in this revelation of chapters I have not yet writen. I don't know me, and I don't plan to. Because even I can't understand myself, and I could never figure out my reasons even if I struggled.

I have binded all the things I feel inside me. Once I dismiss a thought for being wrong, I won't forget it. The bad sticks to me like glue, and the good things flutter away from me like the birds children chase away on the streets. And to be completely honest, I could never convince myself that I'm worth the good things.

I don't deserve the kind of things I get. And it aggravates me that it's the way my mind runs and I could not change that.

I'm not insecure about my appearance, I'm insecure of the people around me, if that makes sense. I think I look fine, and I don't think I look disgusting, I'm just absolutely normal with the physical things. And I carry myself pretty well.

But the people around me, I was never sure of. I never knew what they might say or do next and it makes me anxious. I've dealt with panic attacks and anxiety, and I'm still dealing with depression. And that's not really what I'm ashamed of. I'm ashamed of being human and being alive, I shouldn't be here.

The only thing I wish for is to take that final breath and free myself of all this guilt and unsatisfied being. I just want to be completely numb and stop doubting the purpose of my existence. Because I deserve none of the things I have, even the life that I currently have should not even have belonged to me. I don't deserve the opportunities and chances people hand me.

And sometimes I wonder if anyone from anywhere actually feels the same. Does anyone out there feel as if the very ground your walking on does not deserve to be under you? Because you deserve to be under it.

I am not enough, and I am bit worth it and no one can prove me wrong even if they tried. Everyone should just give up on me.

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Ok guys, that was just a bonus chapter... This is completely irrelevant to the story but I just thought of giving you guys a taste of how Noah's mind works.

Personally, I find Noah's character infatuating and interesting and this chapter is the reason why. I really hope you guys enjoyed reading it, and the next update will be Chapter 8...

Stay tuned, and don't forget to vote, comment, promote, rate, etc. and they will all be much appreciated.

Love yah!

-Dhes Xxx