How can I live without you (Sequel to Simon FanFic - Sleeping with the enemy)

Safe

"Well Damn" Negan exclaimed "That is a very nice view first thing in the morning" you felt sick, you couldn't believe he had resorted back to his usual self so quickly, you had seen him cry only a few hours previous. The man was a psychopath. 

You stopped in your tracks,

"Go to hell Negan you fucking disgust me!" you yelled without looking at me,

"Oh honey, with the thoughts going through my head right now...I am definitely going to hell" he chuckled and you could hear the smirk in his voice. If your hands weren't full you would have flipped him off. Instead you continued to walk up the stairs, glancing back to see him watching your every move, tongue running across his top teeth. He made you so angry, he had killed the man you loved and not 24 hours later was perving on you. 

Cameron was still asleep when you got back to the room, you shook him lightly to wake him, he rubbed his eyes and smiled.

"Morning" he said groggily,

"Morning trouble" you grinned "How do you fancy going on a road trip today?" 

"To see Jess?" he asked shovelling the first spoonful of porridge into his mouth, you nodded, he knew you too well, and you needed your best friend. You sat beside him and ate your porridge. You were so glad you had him, otherwise you weren't sure you'd ever smile again. 

"Come on buddy go brush your teeth and get dressed so we can go" you told him, he jumped off the bed and ran into the bathroom. You changed into your jeans and khaki shirt, tucked in and sneakers. Pulling your hair up into a messy bun because you couldn't be bothered with anything else. You were attempting to tidy a little while you waited for Cameron. That's when you found it, buried beneath a pile of clothes, action man. You sat down on the bed, running your fingers across the plastic doll, smiling to yourself. He was still with you, your action man. You put him in the side pocket of your back pack like you had when you found him and called to Cam.

"I'm ready" he replied as he ran out of the bathroom in 3/4 denim shorts, red polo shirt and trainers. 

"Great lets go" you smiled taking his hand. You stopped by the canteen to return your bowls before heading to Simon's truck. Unfortunately as you walked through the courtyard Negan spotted you. 

"And where do you think you're going?" he asked as you opened the passenger door for Cameron to climb in, throwing your backpack in the foot well. Cameron looked scared at the presence of Negan and that bothered you.

"Hilltop" you answered, shutting Cam's door, not even glancing at him. You walked round to the drivers side and Negan followed. He leaned on the door so you couldn't open it.

"You can't just go out without telling me" he said sternly, you pulled on the door handle but he didn't budge. 

"I will do what the hell I want, when I want, you don't own me" you snapped,

"You're under my roof Honey, you live by my rules and I don't recall saying you could go out today" he hissed,

"Well maybe it's about time I moved on, there's nothing keeping me here anymore" you threw back at him. 

"Now you're just being fucking ridiculous" he sighed

"No Negan what's ridiculous is how you can kill my boyfriend one day and act like nothing has happened not even 24 hours later" you snapped "Now let me get in the damn truck" he rubbed his beard and opened the driver door for you. You climbed in and started to close the door but stopped.

"Be safe" he said,

"Like you care" you snapped and pulled the door shut, not before you heard him whisper 'i do'. You pushed your head back against the head rest and sighed, before sticking the key in the ignition and firing it up.

"I don't like Mr Negan anymore" Cameron said from the passenger seat, making you smile,

"Me neither" you laughed "Let's get out of here" and you drove through the gates. Cam found a CD in the glove box, oasis, and you sang all the way to hilltop. You felt guilty for smiling and laughing, but you knew Simon would want you to be strong and carry on living without him. 

You were almost at Hilltop so you grabbed your radio. 

"Hey Jess you there?" you asked,

"Hey girl yeah I'm here"

"Good we're coming in" you replied, tossing the radio back onto the backseat. You drove up to the gates and rolled down the window so you could wave at whoever was on duty. It was Jesus and when he saw it was you, he opened the gates. You drove through and parked up, walking round to let Cameron out. Jesus climbed down to greet you. He gave you a hug.

"Tell me you're staying this time" he asked

"Believe me I am very tempted" you sighed

"What's wrong?" he asked looking concerned "are they treating you bad?"

"Mr Negan killed Simon" Cameron said, looking at the floor, still hurting.

"Oh I'm so sorry" Jesus whispered, hugging you again.

"Thanks Jesus" you smiled "I'm gonna go find Jess" he nodded and you took Cameron's hand, leading him down the familiar street.

"Hi Jess" Cameron shouted as she opened the front door.

"Hey guys" she grinned and threw her arms around you both.

You followed her inside and sat down.

"Okay I know my best friend and somethings up so what is it?" she asked, you had promised yourself you weren't going to cry but being with Jess, you couldn't help it. You broke down and she fell to her knees in front of you, eyes watery at the sight of her best friend in so much distress. She stroked your hair and held your hand until you calmed down enough to talk. Then you told her everything. She squeezed on the sofa beside you and held onto you once you had finished.

"I'm so glad you came" she whispered "I'd hate for you to be dealing with this on your own"

"I missed you so much Jess" you sighed,

"Come home" she replied "You can now"

"But Jess I sleep in his bed" you choked "It still smells of him, I can't leave that, not yet" she nodded understanding.

"Cameron can you give us a minute" she said stroking his leg "there's still a ball in the garden" he nodded and ran outside.

"So what about Negan?" she asked, "It sounds like you two were getting pretty close before he....you know"

"We were" you sighed "I cared about him, I did. But now I don't understand how"

"Babe he's just killed his best friend because he was plotting to kill him, he's gonna be hurting too" she sighed, you hadn't thought about it from Negan's point of view, you didn't care how he felt, no matter his reasons, he killed Simon, there was no excusing that. 

"He still killed Simon Jess, no matter what his reason's were, I can't forgive him for that" you confessed,

"Just be careful okay, both of your emotions are all over the place at the minute and I can't see it ending well" she warned, you nodded, she was always right. 

The two of you joined Cameron in the garden and played all afternoon. Jesus, Craig and Daryl challenged you to a game in the street, 3 v 3. You fun and laughed a lot, this was what you needed. You pulled Daryl to one side apologising for nearly getting him caught.

"No sweat" he shrugged "I'm glad you're okay" he said hugging you, his arms were strong and you felt that familiar sense of safety. You held on for a little too long but he didn't seem to mind. You released him and re-joined the game. 

Eventually it was time to go home, but you and Cameron were both reluctant. 

"Why don't you stay the night?" Daryl asked, you jumped at the chance, you knew Negan wouldn't be happy but you couldn't care less. The six of you ate tea together and camped out in the living room like a kids sleepover. It was perfect.

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lots of love xxx